Finding Us
by MissWes
Summary: Two years after the war Harry starts questioning his feelings for Ginny.Is it the distance?Their work hours or was their love never strong enough?He breaks up with her to sort his out his feelings.Can he find his way back to her after realizing his folly?
1. Chapter 1

Finding us….

Disclaimer—Nothing belongs to me…sigh! I am just playing around with some of my favorite JKR characters and yeah I am not making any money out of this.

Falling in love with Ginny had been easy, he still loved her, he knew that, but of late he had found himself wondering if she'd be the one he would have chosen had Voldemort not been there.

The first summer after the war had been difficult, had it not been for Ginny, he knew he would have fallen apart. Their relationship was put to its first test when she went back to school, but they managed perhaps because Ginny had more time than she did now or maybe because their love was still new. The three months after Ginny graduated from school had been great, they spent all his off days together exploring the physical and emotional boundaries of their relationship. However, things changed soon after Ginny joined the Harpies and now since the last 6 months he had this constant nagging feeling that something was missing.

Was it the distance? Or was it was because they never had enough time for each other? His work hours had always been grueling and erratic and she was a rookie chaser, which meant her practice schedule wasn't any less taxing.

In the last 3 months they had seen each other only 5 times, he could even count the hours on his fingers. He knew that they growing apart and for the first time in two years he found himself getting attracted to other women. Not that he hadn't noticed attractive women earlier, he had, he'd have to be dead not to but it was only now that he found himself wondering what it would be like to date them. Was it because Ginny wasn't around or was it because their relationship wasn't that strong? He didn't know, he did know that he still cared for her…a lot, but what he didn't feel so sure about was her being the one!

He though she was "it" a year back but now he wondered if it was naïve of him to feel so, after all she was the first girl he had really dated (the one date with Cho was hardly a date he thought). How could he know for sure that she was the one for him when he couldn't compare her with anyone else? How did he know this relationship was meant to be when it was the only relationship he had been in?

Things may have been easier if Ginny and he could spend more time with each other, perhaps they could figure it out together? Maybe these questions wouldn't even have bothered him if she was around, but the fact was she wasn't and these days whenever she was, she wasn't completely there. He loved Quiddich, but of late he'd come to resent the sport for that was all Ginny ever spoke about. In fact more often than not talking about her rookie problems was all they did, for she was usually too tired to do anything else.

"Oi! Potter, we are all going to Leaky Cauldron after work, want to join us?" The cheerful voice of one his trainee aurors Mia brought him out of his reverie.

"Sure, have nothing better to do?" he replied with a mild grin.

Really? You made my day!" Mia said with a mock swoon and winked at him.

"Whatever, see you after work" Harry answered, his grin getting wider.

Mia was an attractive and flirtatious blue eyed brunette. She had joined the auror department two months back and Harry discovered he quite enjoyed her flirting. She wasn't like the fan girls who threw themselves at him, she made her interest in him clear but never made him uncomfortable. Even though he didn't like admitting it to himself, he knew he was attracted to her.

Three weeks later

He was flipping through a muggle magazine, while waiting for Ginny, it had been a month since he had seen her. Ginny had been traveling with her team and the week before she left he was sent out of the country on an urgent assignment.

The muggle magazine wasn't proving to be a good distraction. Since the last few months he had been spending most of his contemplating time (not that he got much) thinking about his relationship with Ginny and where they were heading. He hadn't seen her for a month and he was missing her but it wasn't with the same intensity; it was as if the physical distance between them was numbing his feelings and he felt terribly guilty about it. He knew he had to speak to Ginny about it....

"Hey! Harry..." think of the devil he sighed as he turned towards the fireplace.

"Gin, why aren't you here yet? Don't tell me you are stuck again?"

"I am baby, I am sorry, Gwen has called a last minute team meeting…am so sorry…"

"What the hell Gin, can't you get out of it? We haven't seen each other in a month!" Harry felt his temper rising.

"I am a rookie Harry, I can't….you know how it is…" He could sense a tinge of impatience in her voice.

"Whatever…suit yourself I am tired of you and your Quiddich Gin...do whatever you please!" Harry knew he was being rude, perhaps a little unfair but he was beyond caring now.

"Harry I really don't have time for this, I'll speak to you later okay" she replied plainly irritated before disconnecting the floo call and Harry was left staring at the now silent fireplace.

"Damn you Ginny!!" He screamed as his fist hit the wall next to the fireplace. He was sick of her, sick of this entire situation. Couldn't she see what her Quiddich was doing to them? He knew then he needed a break…they needed a break to sort out their feelings and priorities. Maybe he was being unfair to her but he had had enough! He wanted a relationship in which he could be happy, like how they were a year back not one in which he was constantly left questioning his own feelings!


	2. Chapter 2

Six Months later…

Harry was sitting alone in his apartment staring at a half empty glass of fire whisky, it was probably his sixth but the drink was still not doing what he hoped it would. He was still as confused as ever and try as he might he still spent all his contemplating time thinking of Ginny and their non-existent relationship.

He chuckled humorlessly as he thought how funny it was that despite the break up or "the break" as he had called it, he was still where he was six months ago, except now he couldn't call Ginny his girlfriend and was probably missing her more than he did then.

He had spent the last four weekends in a similar fashion, drinking himself to sleep, repeatedly recalling every word of the last conversation they had had five and a half months back and wondering if he had made the right decision, till the time his mind became incapable of coherent thought and alcohol induced sleep over-whelmed his senses.

Their break-up wasn't exactly bad or messy, he had been honest with her, told her everything that was going through his mind…the distance…never spending any quality time…his frustration with her Quiddich hours, he had even admitted to feeling attracted to other people and not knowing where the relationship was headed. Ginny had been angry at first, the anger had then given way to hurt and finally to acceptance. She didn't cry much, but he had seen her heart breaking in the eyes he still loved.

She had never been clingy and when he told her that he wanted to take a break to figure things out, she had merely asked him if he was sure that's what he wanted? His heart broke when he saw the devastated look on her face. He knew he wasn't sure if that's what he wanted…hell! He still wasn't but at that time it seemed like the easiest way out. Perhaps, at a subconscious level he knew or felt he knew that she'd wait for him to figure things out, after all she had been in love with him since she was ten or maybe he just wanted a break from the constant guilt he was feeling…it was probably a bit of both.

He didn't want her out of his life though, a relationship or not he knew Ginny was still very important to him, he had asked if they could stay friends but Ginny had refused, not for a while at least she had said before apparating away from his apartment.

She had left for a 3 month long Quiddich tour three days after that and he hadn't heard from her since then. Though, he had diligently read every news report that mentioned her and had even used glamour to watch two of the Holyhead matches held in London.

He had been tempted to contact her several times in the last two months especially after seeing her play, but had restrained himself, the least he could do was to respect her wishes; he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to do that though.

He had also been worried about how his break up with Ginny would affect things with the Weasleys but Ginny had taken care of that, she had told everyone that the break up was a mutual decision and that they both needed some time apart. He was torn between feeling thankful and guilty, he knew he had hurt her, broken her heart and she still made sure that he didn't loose the one family he had.

Ron and Molly had seemed disappointed but had refrained from prying too much; Hermione on the other hand had been a little distant with him initially. She was okay now but every time he had asked her something about Ginny she had turned cold and almost monosyllabic. With Ron or rest of Weasleys he hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about her.

The first month after the break up had been strange, it was weird not to receive any owls from Ginny and he hadn't really gotten used to feeling attracted to a woman without feeling guilty about it. A month and half later he had finally decided to go out on a date with Mia, it had been fun, he had enjoyed her company, but even that night he found himself thinking about Ginny before going off to sleep.

They had met up for drinks or dinner several times after that, on their third or fourth he had forgotten which, they had made out , it had been exciting, but when he came back home later that night he found himself comparing Mia to Ginny and realized, kissing her had just been fun and arousing but nothing else…

They did meet up a few more times after that and ended up in his bedroom almost every time. After about a month of feeling her up in every way possible, his interest in her started waning. The flirtatious banter no longer excited him, he had never been able to have a serious conversation with her anyway, the relationship or whatever it was had been purely physical and it only took about 6-7 weeks for it to fizzle out.

He dated a few more women after that but couldn't make himself go out on more than two dates with any of them. For some reason no one seemed to hold his interest for more than a few weeks. They were attractive, all of them, but they didn't make him loose his head. They were interesting, but he didn't enjoy bantering with them too much, two of them happened to be very good listeners, but he couldn't talk to them, most of all he hated the fact that he couldn't just share a comfortable silence…dating he realized wasn't as much fun as it was made out to be!

Perhaps he hadn't found a nice girl despite hundreds of them throwing themselves at him or perhaps it was because none of them could measure up to Ginny! The last thought made him bang his head on the table…he was sick of it again.

Did comparing every woman he met to Ginny mean that she was the only one he could love? Maybe, he wasn't sure and his alcohol induced stupor only made the question more complicated.

Perhaps I should loosen up a little and see how it goes…maybe I'll ask that blonde out after all… were his last thoughts before he passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Another bad day…another awful evening", Harry muttered to himself as he entered his apartment.

"Kreacher! Get me some ice and that new bottle of Ogdens", he screamed as he threw of his shoes and settled on the couch. It was funny how soon dating had lost its sheen and firewhisky had become so alluring. A pesky nagging Hermione like voice often reminded him that he was well on his way to becoming an alcoholic, but he ignored it just like he had been ignoring his two best friends.

He didn't really have anything against them, but somehow meeting them always reminded him of what he had lost. So, he had made up excuses every time Ron asked him to come over and he knew he was now running out of them. How creative can you get with lies, he wondered, when all that you did with your life was work yourself to death, drink when you are not working and spend every free moment thinking about your ex-girlfriend.

He had written several notes to Ginny, only to tear them up and throw them in the bin. He wanted to talk to her again, desperately, but he wondered what she'd think of him…running back to her for comfort because "the break" wasn't working out for him. He wasn't even sure if she was ready to be friends again. "Friends" he chuckled at the word, was that all he wanted? Perhaps, he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship yet but he did want her back in his life, he wanted his comfort back…he wanted those carefree smiles back, however, the question that bothered him the most was would she want him back in her life?

He was scared of finding out the answer, but he knew he would have to make his move eventually…he couldn't go on much longer this way. Maybe a drink or two would give him the strength to send an owl to Ginny, he thought, before bending down to uncork his third firewhisky bottle of the week.

He was on his fifth drink when he heard a faint tapping on the window and almost dropped his glass when his foggy brain registered that it was Ginny's owl that was trying to catch his attention. With trembling hands he untied the note and his face lit up with a genuine smile for the first time in months as he read and re-read it several times.

A day later….

He knew he looked like a daft idiot pacing up and down in his apartment with a fistful of floo powder, but he couldn't help it! He didn't remember the last time he had been so nervous…"it's only Ginny" he told himself repeatedly, but that assurance did nothing to make his heart beat any slower or his hands any less clammy.

He was tempted to gulp down a glass or two of firewhisky…but he restrained himself, he was going to see Ginny after months, he didn't want to land at her doorstep half drunk and he knew that's exactly what would happen if he gave in to temptation now.

"Deep breathe" Harry muttered to himself as he closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths before finally disappearing behind the flames.

She looked gorgeous as ever…his heart almost stopped when she flashed him that radiant smile…he wanted wrap his arms around her and tell her had missed her, but he stood awkwardly by the fireplace with foolish grin.

"I won't let you sit on my Sofa with all that soot Potter" she said as she began dusting soot off his shoulders…her smile had now given way to an amused expression…and he couldn't help but stare at her as if she was apparition that would disappear if he blinked.

"Oi!" She snapped her fingers in front of his face… "You okay?"

"Yeah…yes…it's just strange….u know seeing you…umm…I mean being here…" he was blabbering like an idiot and he knew that…he wanted to hug her but all he managed to come up with was an awkward pat on the shoulder.

"Ever the eloquent one" she patted him back and shook her head laughing.

"Umm so how have you been? You look great…I read about the match with Puddlemore, you did great Gin…I felt so proud….and Ron mentioned you are looking for another apartment…I really liked this one you know…" there goes he thought to himself, why was his mouth hell bent on acting on its own, he was blabbering again and he could see exactly what she thought about his rebellious mouth, she was laughing …that same merry laugh that made those deep brown eyes twinkle…

"I can see you haven't lost your touch still as smooth as ever" she said as she started walking towards the sofa gesturing him to follow her.

It felt weird sitting on opposite sides of the sofa and not have Ginny on his lap but then she wasn't his girlfriend anymore. He didn't know what she was now but it still felt strange to sit so far from her.

"Harry, are you alright?" Ginny's voice brought him out of his reverie and he realized he had been staring at her again.

"Umm yeah okay…I am okay, it is just that I have wanted to see you for so long…but you said you didn't want to stay in touch the last time we talked….so I didn't, but I missed you I really did…and now finally seeing you after so long…I am just feeling strange…happy strange you know…" he finished, relieved that at least this time he hadn't made an absolute fool of himself, a little foolish he did sound but then that came naturally to him.

"I missed you too…and I know I said I didn't want to be friends then, but I was really hurt then…the last 7 months however, helped me realize a lot of things…I figured we both made a lot of mistakes…we took each other for granted…maybe we were too naive, perhaps we weren't meant to be…but we were friends before we became a couple, I did miss having you for a friend Harry…so I was wondering if we can start over again, as friends I mean?" She looked up at him hopefully.

"Yeah…I want to Ginny…I always wanted to…I missed my friend so much too…" he replied back smiling…but he knew the smile didn't reach his eyes…"friends"…that's what he thought he wanted but somehow seeing her again made him finally realize he didn't just want to be friends…

"So, _friend_ what'll you have?" She asked getting up abruptly.

"Umm…whatever you'll have?" He asked taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

"Butterbeer?" she asked as she started walking towards the kitchen.

"Yeah...sure" was all he could mumble as he found himself staring at her legs till she disappeared behind the kitchen door. Merlin! Quiddich really suited her… but before he could go further with that train of thought, Ginny re-appeared with two bottles of butter bear.

"So, how have you been…the daily prophet has been diligently reporting all your escapades…found yourself a new girlfriend yet?" She asked as she bent down to open the bottles.

"Umm…no…no…I am not really dating at the moment….don't get the time….plus I am not really interested…no…no girlfriend…." He didn't know why he was stammering so much, but he hated the idea of Ginny thinking he had a girlfriend and asking him about it so casually.

"Have you been dating?" he blurted out even before he had the time to process his thoughts…there I go again he kicked himself mentally.

"Umm…well, yes…on and off…nothing serious really" she replied handing him his bottle of butterbeer.

He didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry with her confession…he knew breaking up meant that she was free to date, but at some subconscious level he didn't think she would…or maybe hearing it from her made it real that she could go out with other blokes. He hated the idea and if her dates went anything like his with Mia and a few other women did…he couldn't even bear to think about it.

He knew he was a hypocrite and a selfish asshole for feeling like that…he still wasn't' absolutely sure in exactly what capacity he wanted Ginny in his life…but what he did know was that he hated the idea of any other bloke wanting her the way he did.

"Oh! So are you dating anyone now?" he asked again…he had tried to stop himself from asking that question, but his traitorous mouth refused to obey him.

She looked at him with an unreadable expression in her eyes and his heart stopped beating for a moment, had he managed to fuck up the fragile friendship they had just started to build? He was on the verge of panicking and blurting out something that would probably do nothing to salvage the situation, when she replied, "Well! Sort of…but I really don't want to talk about it right now."

"Umm, sure…yeah! Sorry…so how has Quiddich been?"

The rest of the evening passed as they talked about Quiddich, her family, Harry's work, their Hogwarts classmates and everything apart from their feelings and how hard "the break" had been for both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

4 months he thought…4 agonizing months of being "just friends" and he wasn't liking it one bit! There was nothing wrong with Ginny…she had been perfect and that's exactly what his problem was.

Every time they met he had this overpowering urge to give her more than just a friendly platonic hug and a chaste kiss on the cheeks…a lot more than a chaste kiss in fact he thought as his night time fantasies began to invade his mind again. He shook his head as he warned his hyperactive brain to stop; he had been doing that a lot lately; reining in his truant thoughts whenever Ginny was around.

He loved laughing with her, more than that he felt on top of the world when he made her smile but he wanted to do more, he wanted to see those shy smiles again, he wanted to see the blush that spread right up to her toes and he missed those misty heart warming smiles that were once reserved only for him.

They could still banter for hours and not get bored of it. He realized that it was only with her that he could have inane conversations over nothing in particular. They shared a similar wry sense of humor and no one seemed to understand his dry wit better than Ginny but what he missed was the flirtatious teasing…those suggestive remarks that made her eyes twinkle and his face flush.

He felt comfortable with Ginny, much more at ease than he did with anyone else, he didn't always need words with her, she had an instinctive understanding of what was troubling him…silences with her were never awkward. He could open up to her and share his most troubling thoughts but they didn't talk about feelings anymore. He couldn't because he was afraid of scaring her away, she didn't because at some level she hadn't learnt trust him again.

He missed the caresses and hugs that made him feel everything was okay, he missed burying his face in her fiery red hair that smelt of strawberries and vanilla. He hated the physical distance that being "just friends" had put between them…

They would meet up for dinner sometimes, but he knew it was never a date. "Date" the very word now made his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach. He hated dates…he hated Ginny's dates to be precise!

She went out with blokes on and off and whenever she did, he spent the entire evening getting drunk…he didn't have a choice; being in his senses meant imagining Ginny with the asshole she had gone out with and his imagination was never kind to him. His brain seemed to have developed a special torture mechanism, the fantasies were his, but the guy with Ginny wasn't him.

The only consolation was that she hadn't gone out with any of these blokes more than twice. He didn't know what he'd do if she actually started dating someone seriously. He knew he was living in denial, but he didn't want to think of the possibility of Ginny falling love with someone other than him…

"You are pathetic" he would tell himself everyday. He turned down dates so that he could be free, whenever Ginny wanted to see him. He would work late on most days to make sure his mind was too fatigued to come up with any new torture techniques…

He knew now he wanted Ginny desperately, but he also wondered if it was because he didn't have her! She belonged to him and he had let her go, because he couldn't handle the complications and pain of their relationship, then why was it that now he could only focus on everything that was great about the relationship that he had lost? The distance that had started numbing his feelings for Ginny was now making them all the more intense, was it because he couldn't take her for granted now? He thought it was painful when their relationship had become stagnant and monotonous, but if that was pain, then what would he call the constant ache he walked around with because Ginny was just his "friend"?

He didn't know the answers, what he did know though or had come to realize in the last four months was that while Ginny could make him happier than he had ever been, she also had the power to hurt him more than any one ever could.


	5. Chapter 5

It was after months that he was going to meet the three of them together. Two days back Ron had sent him a nasty owl about shutting his friends out and since he had run out of excuses he had agreed to catch up with his two best friends at the Leaky Cauldron. Ron being Ron had forgotten to check up with Hermione and realized at the last moment that she had already made dinner plans for the two of them with Ginny. Now that he had Ginny were "friends" again, Ron decided that all four of them should get together for dinner.

He told himself there was nothing to feel nervous about after all he was just meeting his friends for dinner, but then the part of his brain that enjoyed tormenting him reminded him why he had every reason to be anxious. After all one of those _friends_ happened to be his ex-girlfriend with whom (he'd finally admitted to himself) he was still very much in love with, the other was her overprotective brother but the one he was most nervous about was Hermione, his genius of a best friend.

Hermione had always seen through him, in some ways perhaps she was even more perceptive than Ginny and he was scared she'd figure out his feelings for Ginny before their dinner was over.

Though Hermione hadn't said anything to him about his break up with Ginny, he had sensed a change in his relationship with her when he started dating Mia. She wasn't downright cold or rude to him but she wasn't herself either. While Ron had made an effort to behave normally with him during that phase, Hermione had seemed quite withdrawn.

He knew she was really close to Ginny that was why he had tried to ask her about Ginny several times in the months following their break up but she had never been forthcoming with any information. At that time he had thought it was perhaps because Ginny had shut her out too but now he wasn't so sure if that had been the real reason.

As he got ready to floo to the leaky cauldron, he wondered what Hermione would think if she knew that he had been seriously contemplating falling at Ginny's feet and begging her for another chance.

* * *

  
The evening had started on a rather uncomfortable note but thanks to the inhibition drowning effects of alcohol they managed to get over their initial awkwardness and soon the four of them were chatting and bantering away like they used to, except this time his hands weren't entwined with Ginny's and Ron wasn't constantly threatening them with throwing up if they didn't stop their 'public display of affection'.

In the last four months whenever he had met Ginny, they had been alone, so it hadn't been that difficult to steal glances at her when she wasn't looking. But now with Ron and Hermione watching him rather curiously he was having a hard time not getting caught, what added to his troubles was the fact that alcohol and stealth don't go well together!

They were on their fourth round of firewhisky when Ginny went off to greet some of her team mates she has spotted near the bar and Hermione excused herself to go to the washroom. The moment they left Ron cornered him.

"So, why have the two of you started hanging out again mate?" Ron asked without preamble.

"Umm…er…Ginny didn't tell you…umm…we are friends…er….we broke up…but we were friends before…right?" There, these were the kind of questions he was scared of and he knew his nervousness was apparent thanks to all the ers and ummms he had punctuated his reply with.

"A friend doesn't look at a friend that way you have been looking at her!" Ron snorted.

"Wha…what? How have I been looking at her?" he was trying his best not to sound defensive, but he wasn't sure if it was working. What was making him even more nervous was that he had been so obvious that even Ron had seen through him.

"Don't act dumb with me mate! Despite what Hermione says and what you lot think…I am not that thick!"

"I really don't know what you are talking about." He was stalling…trying to buy time…hoping desperately that Ginny would come back so that he could get out of this conversation.

"Look mate! I don't know why you guys broke up okay…I thought you were in love with her and everything and the one fine day I get to know you two _mutually_ decided to break up because it wasn't working out and ever since then both of you have been behaving like these strange weird people, honestly for a while I thought, you had been polyjuiced or something, she pretended to be absolutely okay with the break up but she isn't as good an actress she thinks she is and you went on a different trip, dating everything in a skirt!"

Ron shook his head and stopped to take a sip of his firewhisky, Harry decided not to interrupt and hear everything Ron had to say.

"Anyway, and then you went to the other extreme, turning into a complete recluse, shutting us out, making up excuses not see you friends…but for Ginny you always had and still have time!"

"What are you getting at Ron?" Harry asked wondering if Ron was trying to tell him to lay off his sister!

"That, I don't know what's going on with you…you have not been yourself and she has been shutting all of us out, except maybe Hermione ever since you broke up. You two can really mess each other up you know. So, what I am saying is that if you are thinking of getting back with her, you better be sure of it."

"I won't say I wasn't a little shocked" Ron continued after catching his breath "when you jumped into that auror's bed a month after breaking up with my sister but I didn't say anything because I thought maybe it was your way of coping up but trust me I did wonder for a while…"

"Hey! You guys okay?" Ginny asked with furrowed brows as she approached the table.

"Umm...No! I mean yeah…we were just talking Quiddich" Ron replied a little too quickly.

"Okay…from Harry's face and your gestures it looked like you were rowing about something, anyway where's Hermione?" Ginny asked.

"Still in the washroom…wonder what's taking her so long…" Ron looked around the pub before spotting her talking to a blonde wizard near the bar.

"Who is that?" Ron asked his eyes narrowing.

"Stop being such a caveman Ron! That's Nathan one of Hermione's trainees, she has been trying to hook me up with him, so _you_ don't need to get jealous!"

"What?" Harry spoke for the first time since Ginny had returned to the table.

"What? What?" Ask Ron and Ginny in unison.

"Umm…err nothing….why is she talking to him alone...you know without you... if she's trying to hook you up with him?" Harry knew the question sounded foolish but he had to say something to cover up his embarrassment over that nosey and jealous "what".

"Well, I as I said he is her trainee, they can greet each other you know all their conversations don't have to be about him and me hooking up" Ginny replied laying undue emphasis on each word as if trying to explain something to a five year old.

Harry noticed that Ron had been observing their exchange carefully and that was making him nervous. He knew if he didn't change the topic or get out of the situation soon enough, he was going to either make a fool of himself or blurt out something that was bound to embarrass him.

"Umm…okay, anyway I think I should be heading home…I had a long day at work, so I am a little tired", he said stretching his arms for effect.

"Yeah, me too replied Ginny" as she waved towards Hermione trying catch her attention to beckon her back to their table.

"So, did you get a fireplace installed at your new apartment?" Ron asked.

"No! Not yet, don't worry I am not apparating I remember mum's rule about not apparating after alcohol, I'll walk down."

"Umm I'll walk home too…we can go together, if you don't mind" Harry offered and he realized as soon as the words left his mouth that he had sounded a little to desperate and keen.

He was saved from the embarrassment of making an excuse for wanting to walk down instead of taking the Floo as Hermione picked exactly that moment to join them back.

"Are we leaving?" Hermione asked as she saw Ron gesturing to a waitress to collect the bill.

"Yeah…Harry and I are a little tired…you guys stay if you want" Ginny said as she kissed Hermione on the cheek.

"No! We'll leave too, I have an early morning tomorrow", Hermione said picking up her cloak.

"You'll take the floo right?" She asked Harry as she turned to give him a goodbye hug.

"Er…umm no, I am walking back home with Ginny, I mean she is going to her place and I am going to mine, we are just walking together, I can use a walk you know, had too much to eat and drink" Harry finished lamely, hoping he didn't sound as daft to the three of them as he did to himself, but then again it was difficult to sound intelligent when you found yourself stuck in a situation you thought you had gotten out of merely minutes ago!

"Okay…we'll see you later then" He felt his face burning not because of Hermione's words but because of the way she looked at him. He knew that look and he hated the fact that she has seen through him so easily.

As Harry gave Ron his usual one arm "bloke hug" he caught Hermione whispering something into Ginny's ear from the corner of his eyes, before walking off towards the fireplace.

* * *

  
He felt a faint flutter in his heart as they walked out of the pub, he had had a good time with Ron and Hermione, if he didn't take into account the last 15 minutes, but since he didn't get to see Ginny as much he'd have liked it too, he was glad to be alone with her.

As they walked in silence he had a desperate urge to entwine his fingers with Ginny's, but he knew now wasn't the time, they needed to talk first, he needed to talk, apologize, fall at her feet if that's what it took, but he hadn't been able to muster enough courage just yet so, he buried his hands deep into his cloak pockets before they could act on their own.

"Are you cold?" she asked.

"No, are you?"

"No…its just the way you are walking with your hands in your pockets and everything, I thought you are", she replied smiling.

"So, what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked changing the topic.

"Umm, practice at around noon, should get free by five or six in the evening and then I am meeting Neville and Diagon Alley, he wants me to help him pick a ring for Hannah", she replied a kicking a pebble in her path.

"Oh! That's great…I didn't even know they were still together."

"Harry, how long has it been since you've met Neville or any of our other friends for that matter?" She asked.

"I dunno…a few months maybe" he replied vaguely, he didn't want her to go down that road and he searched his mind frantically for a way to change the subject again.

"Why?" she asked before he could come up with anything.

"Umm…I don't get the time; you know how auror hours are…"

"Don't give me that rubbish; tell me how many people other than me have you met up with in the last 5 months?"

"Ron and Hermione" he replied evenly, he knew what was coming next.

"That was today after 4 months!!! What's wrong with you Harry? Why are you avoiding people, I know you haven't even visited mum for months now? You haven't been looking well either, have you noticed how thin you have become…are you eating properly?" she turned towards him as she brushed her hand against his shoulder, a gesture she often used when she wanted him to look at her and talk.

His breath hitched as he turned to face her, he knew she cared, but seeing her voice her concern so openly made his pulse quicken and at that moment he decided he was going to put his heart on the line, consequences be damned!

He took a deep a breath, looked straight back into her searching eyes before saying what he had been telling himself almost everyday since the last several months, "No, I am not okay, I haven't been okay since we broke up, I don't meet any of _our_ friends because seeing them reminds me of the time when we were together, that is why I have been avoiding Ron and Hermione as well. I am always free for you because seeing you is the only thing that's keeping me sane and its making me go insane if it makes any sense to you…" he finished hoarsely, trying to hold back the fear of losing her again.

"Harry…I think you have had too much to drink…you should go…" she said shaking her head as she started backing away from him.

Not like this he thought, he wouldn't let her walk away, he panicked and grabbed her wrist roughly, "I know exactly what I am saying Gin…I miss you damn it, so much that its killing me! I hate what I have become without you and I don't like this being _friends_ business…Its been driving me crazy watching you go out on your fucking dates, I want you back baby, please…look at me Gin…" his voice was breaking as he pulled her closer so that their faces were merely inches apart.

He could see tears forming in the corners of these deep brown eyes, she didn't cry easily…he knew that… now seeing her look so vulnerable and fragile made him nearly lose his head. Before he had the chance to analyze his actions, he closed whatever little space was left between their bodies and crushed his lips against hers.

He didn't care for a moment that she didn't kiss him back…he had wanted this so badly, spent nights dreaming about tasting her again…longing for the feel of her body against his…yearning to run his fingers through her fiery red hair…

Just as his mind began to register the fact that she wasn't responding, he felt Ginny's tongue brush against his lips and every thought vanished from his mind. He opened his mouth to allow her entry as he plunged his tongue into hers.

Had he not been in the emotional state he was in, he would have tried to keep the kiss soft and tender, but the months of longing and the constant fear of losing her had roused his desire for her to the point of desperation and the fact that she was kissing him back with the fiery passion he only associated with Ginny, made him lose whatever semblance of control he still had.

His hands found their way under her jumper as hers began tangling his already messy hair…his hunger for her only grew as she moaned into his mouth and his hands started exploring the body they knew so well…

"Oi! Get a room!!!"

The sniggering teenagers passing by made him realize where they were and broke the spell for Ginny. She pulled away from him breathing hard.

"I am sorry Harry…I am so sorry, we shouldn't have….I can't do this…not again…it was a mistake…I am sorry"

"Don't say that Gin….you can't…you know it wasn't a mistake…" he tried to grab her hand but she backed away.

"No…I think it was just too much firewhisky…let's just forget it happened okay…" she replied trying to blink back her tears.

"You can't kiss me like that and ask me to forget it happened…it's not fair Ginny!" He screamed in frustration.

"And you can tell me you are not sure about how you feel for me, after everything we went through? That was fair?"

"It wasn't Gin…I am sorry, I was confused and I know I made a huge fucking mistake but I realize it now…I am sorry…" he finished brokenly his frustration giving way to desperation.

"So, you _realize_ and now you expect me to fall back right into you arms? How long will this realization last…how long before you realize I am not _the one_ again?" she said her eyes hardening as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

"Don't say that please…please baby just give me one more chance…I promise I'll never hurt you again…please Ginny…" he knew how pathetic he sounded but he was far beyond the point of caring now.

"I am sorry Harry I can't…it's taken me long enough to get here, what we had is over…I have moved on" she replied lifting her chin defiantly.

"Moved on? Moved on by dating every second bloke in England!! " He spat venomously as he felt months of repressed jealousy flood his brain.

"Don't you dare Harry! You have no right!! " She screamed her eyes flashing with anger.

He knew he didn't have the right, but hearing her say she has moved on brought back all those images of Ginny with some nameless faceless bloke...the images that tortured him…images that made him want to kill the bloke who touched her the way he wanted to! It was a combination of this jealousy, frustration and rage that egged him on to utter the words he was going to spend months regretting.

"Come on Ginny…you seem to be giving a lot of blokes a chance with you…why not me?" He sneered.

When she slapped him hard across his face, he knew he had it coming, her angry and hurt words that followed broke his heart as he realized he had made yet another mistake with Ginny but it was too late to take back his words now.

He stared helplessly as she walked away from him with angry tears…only to collapse on the side walk repeating brokenly to himself, what he should have confessed to Ginny…

"I love you Gin…I am sorry…I am so so sorry."


	6. Chapter 6

Three days...three days of utter despair and he knew he had never been as close to insanity as he was now. He hadn't had a moment of peace since that night, with remorse gnawing at his insides and the fear of losing her nearly paralyzing him. He didn't know whether to be thankful that he was stuck with paper work for the rest of the week or be frustrated; going on the field in the state he was in would have been disastrous, but the paper work wasn't proving to be a good enough distraction!

After a few futile moments of staring blankly at the parchment in front of him, he screamed in frustration and banged his fist on the table. He had had enough, he was going to apparate to her apartment, she could hex him all she wanted, throw him out or just tell him to get the hell out of her life, he would hold his ground, apologize, beg, plead, do whatever it took and make her see that he was really sorry.

He was a Gryffindor after all and he had defeated Voldemort to top it all, surely he could face Ginny, he thought, trying to reason with his fear. Though his reasoning didn't really have the affect he hoped it would, he decided that he couldn't take this silence any longer.

So, engrossed was he in his self created misery that he didn't see Kingsley' secretary coming out of the elevator and walked straight into her. She muttered something unintelligible as he bent down to pick up the files she had dropped. He had almost completed his hurried apology when his eyes registered a flash of red hair. Instinctively, he squinted and realized it was a small picture of Ginny on the front page of the Daily Prophet, Kingsley's secretary had dropped. Almost a year of being without her had trained his subconscious to read every report that mentioned Ginny, therefore even without thinking he picked up the paper to read the story and his heart stopped the moment he read the headline.

"**Holyhead Harpies chaser Ginevra Weasley critically injured during practice**"

Reining in his fear, he scanned the little report to find what he was looking for and rushed to the nearest fireplace from where he could floo to St' Mungos. If someone asked him later about the worst moments in his life till the age of 21, he'd tell them apart from watching Bellatrix throw the killing curse at Ginny during the final battle, it was the minutes between reading that headline and speaking to the receptionist at St' Mungos.

In those few moments he lived one of his worst nightmares, he didn't know how he managed to stop tears from spilling through, he didn't know how he kept his legs moving, despite feeling sick enough to crumble on the floor.

He almost wept with relief when the receptionist at St' Mungos told him the she had been discharged in the morning. Whether it was because he was "Harry Potter" or because the lady at the reception was a Holyhead fan, she was quite forthcoming with information and told him that she had left with her brother and his girlfriend.

* * *

"How is she?" He asked Hermione without preamble barely controlling the tremor in his voice.

"She's okay, a bruise on the face and a hairline fracture in her ankle" She replied shrugging and then continued in the same nonchalant way, "She's sleeping, they gave her a very strong potion to accelerate the healing, should be okay by tomorrow…who told you, Ron?"

"No, Daily Prophet in its own exaggerated manner! Obviously, none of you thought it was important enough to tell me!" he replied bitterly. So, far his thoughts had been focused only on Ginny, but hearing Hermione ask him so casually about how he got to know about Ginny's accident made his resentment against her and Ron flare up with vengeance.

"Well, it wasn't anything serious Harry, she got admitted last evening; they just kept her overnight for observation. She's okay really…I mean we even told Molly and Arthur not to come back from Romania." Hermione answered not the least bit perturbed.

"Oh! Great so everyone knows, but you guys didn't tell me"

"Umm, no it's just her brothers, parents and I…" Hermione replied a little icily.

"And obviously I am not important enough in her life now…so I have to wait for bloody daily prophet to tell me!" He spat, his temper rising with every passing moment.

"Why don't you tell me that Harry? I think you are the one that decided you didn't want to be that_ important_ in her life, changed your mind, huh? She asked her tone laced with sarcasm.

"You already know how I feel." He replied deflating a little.

"I don't think I do." She retorted fixing him with a stony glare.

"I love her..." he mumbled almost inaudibly.

"Sorry?"

"I love her Hermione and don't tell me hadn't figured it by now." He told her finally gathering the courage to look into her eyes.

"Look I know it's none of my business to interfere and I have refrained from doing so for quite a while, but you know I am saying this for your own good, you really need to get your act together if you want what you are saying you do."

"She told you what happened the other night?" He asked almost shamefacedly, his shoulders slumping and every trace of his former indignation disappearing.

"Not the details, but I know quite a bit, you really upset her you know," she replied her former frostiness giving way to annoyance.

"I know…I have been trying to apologize but she's been returning my owls unopened…I was going to her apartment but then I saw the daily prophet report…I dunno what to do, I know I was out of line, I know I said things I shouldn't have…" he finished miserably, slumping on the sofa with his head in his hands.

Hermione looked at him for a few seconds as if deciding what to do and then shook her head in resignation before sitting down beside him.

"Honestly, Harry you've done a lot of things in the last year, she began taking a deep breath, "you shouldn't have, you created this mess for yourself and trust me you've hurt her far too much to expect her to forgive and forget that easily."

"She spoke to you about it?" He asked with a voice full of remorse and guilt.

"Umm, yeah…we did talk a lot last year…she couldn't talk her mum or anyone in her family for that matter, anyway I can't betray her confidence and tell you much, but just that don't expect it to be easy Harry. She put on a mask for her family but I saw her at her worst moments, it was heartbreaking to see her like that and trust me it took all my self control to be civil with you during your Mia phase." She finished with a slight grimace.

"You think she'll never take me back?" He panicked.

"I don't know Harry, that really is up to the two of you, maybe you just need to give her a little time…" she trailed off looking away from him.

"What if she finds someone else and moves on?" He asked his voice trembling as if the thought had been too painful for him to voice.

Perhaps it was because how wretched he sounded or maybe it was because how devastated he looked that Hermione finally softened a little, "Harry, you made the choice to break up with her…" she said taking his clammy hands in hers, "now you just have to accept the consequences and if you feel as strongly for her as you say you do, you'll be happy for her if she's happy, whether she is with you or not."

"Don't say that Hermione please…I didn't know what I was thinking, but trust me there hasn't been a day since we broke up that I didn't think about her…" he got up and started pacing around agitatedly "she didn't speak to me for some six months...six bloody months Hermione and I was miserable! I haven't even looked at another woman in months Hermione, I miss her…more than I thought was possible…I wish I could just do it all over again…it was all a stupid mistake… a stupid fucking mistake…"

"Harry, I am sure you did have some reasons for breaking up then, didn't you? When you decided you needed time apart you did consider that the two of you might find someone else. It was a part of the decision, right?" She asked looking searchingly at his face.

"It wasn't…I didn't think it through or maybe just deluded myself into thinking she'd wait…" he mumbled miserably.

"Harry! You didn't actually expect her to wait around while you went on with your life!" She looked at him incredulously.

"I don't know what I was thinking then! I know I behaved like a selfish prick! I just wanted everything to be normal, he said making quotes with his fingers and continued, "and since I had never had normal I didn't know what it was! I was angry with her for placing Quiddich over me and I felt guilty for getting attracted to other women while I still had a girlfriend…I know I should have been more patient, should tried to work things out but I didn't! It was a stupid decision and you have no clue how much I regret it everyday…" he stopped pacing as he finished, looking at Hermione with anguished eyes, pleading with her silently to help him.

"Harry, I really don't know what to say..." she replied shaking her head, "give her time and let her know how sorry you are, but knowing how stubborn Ginny is, it won't be easy…be persistent and patient, that's the only advice I can give you."

"I guess you are right." He exhaled dejectedly, running his hands through his already messy hair, "you don't mind if I go up and see her, do you?"

"Yeah! Go, It's anyways safer for you to see her when she's sleeping." She gestured towards the guest room with a small smile.

"Umm yeah…so I'll just go …" he tried to smile back but it ended up looking more like a grimace.

* * *

He pulled a chair and sat by her bedside staring at her sleeping form for several minutes.

It had been ages since he had been able to look at Ginny uninterruptedly without the fear of getting caught and now that he had the chance he wanted to memorize each feature…every freckle…every shade of red in her hair…

There was a light bruise on the side of her face, she was lying face up with her hair fanned out on the pillow, her lips slightly parted, one arm around a pillow lying on her side and the other dangling from the bed. He knew they weren't together, but sitting beside her and watching her sleep helped him pretend to himself for a few glorious seconds that everything was okay.

He knew he wasn't allowed to, but the fact that they were alone and no one would know, made it difficult for him to stop himself from running his fingers through her soft silky hair. He wondered if he'd ever be able to do it again...if she'd ever let him bury his face in her hair again…ever smile when he told her he loved her strawberry and vanilla scent…

He felt his breath hitch as he traced her bruise with his calloused fingers; he wanted to remember how soft her skin felt so that he would have something to calm himself down on the torturous night that awaited him. Then slowly as if in a trance he leaned in brushed his lips against hers, willing them to remember the little taste of her that the moment had allowed.

He knew it was pointless, she wouldn't even know but perhaps because of the very fact that she couldn't hear him that words he had been dying to say to her escaped from his lips on their own accord, "I love you" he whispered in her ear, before leaning away to take one last longing look at her.

* * *

"So, when do you think the effects of the potion will wear off?" He asked Hermione before she could make any comment about the amount of time he spent with Ginny.

"I think she'll probably sleep through the night, you can come back and see her tomorrow morning; she is leaving for Spain in the evening…"

"Spain? That two month Quiddich tour? Damn! I don't want her to leave before we get back on talking terms at least!!!" He exclaimed clearly perturbed raking his hands through his hair.

"You have all morning Harry…I think she may decide to take you back as a _friend _after throwing a few hexes your way" Hermione replied and he noted with relief that at least she gave him an understanding smile instead of the icy looks she was trying to patent.

"She can throw a billion hexes if that means she'll take me back _and not just as a friend." H_e finished muttering the last part to himself.

"Good luck then!" She patted him on the back.

"Umm…do you think I should leave her a note…like a sorry note or something…she may not open my owls, but she might just read it if you give it to her?" He asked nervously.

"Harry, I am not going to pass your love notes to Ginny! And just because I gave you some advice it doesn't mean I am on your side…you still have a lot of making up to do! " She replied with apparent indignation.

"Right! Sorry…" he murmured rubbing the side of his neck.

"Umm…okay even if you aren't on my side, would you at least be neutral and not try to _hook_ her up with random guys!" He grumbled after a moment's hesitation.

"What?" her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Nathan." He supplied bitterly.

"Oh! Well, you know Ginny's never had a problem getting dates, my helping or not helping won't make much of a difference." She answered trying to maintain a neutral face.

"Humor me…" he smiled sadly before disapparating away with a pop.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hi! Is she up?" He asked Hermione as he stumbled out of the fireplace.

"Yeah, you can go in, I spoke to her in the morning; she knows you were here yesterday…"

"You did? Was …was she angry?" He gulped, his adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"Not much, she has had enough time to cool off. I am not too sure if she'll be all warm and welcoming, but don't worry she'll hear you out." She replied with a half amused smile.

"Thanks!" he exhaled audibly and then returned Hermione's amused expression with one of his own but added an eye brow raise for effect, "So, what brought the change, I thought you weren't on my side?"

"I am still not, but I felt I was really harsh on you yesterday," she replied shrugging and then quickly added before Harry's small smile could turn into a full blown grin, "Not that you didn't deserve it, but I thought you could use a bit of help."

"Thanks!" he replied smiling affectionately at her.

"Just don't be prat this time around and don't rush her okay...I don't think she's ready… not that I know if she ever will be…" she shrugged again trying hard to hide the trace of sadness in her voice.

"Hmm…I'll go up I think," he replied biting his lower lip, a habit he had picked up from Ginny and then as if suddenly realizing something spoke again, "Uh…does Ron know anything about what happened the other night?"

"If he did, do you think you wouldn't have heard anything about it?" She questioned back.

"Uh…uh…I see…" he mumbled.

"You know I think it is one of the reasons why she confides in me, I am safe…" she smiled sadly answering her own question and ignoring Harry's almost incoherent reply, "she knows I won't judge you or at least will try not to and I think more than that she knows no matter what happens between the two of you, I'll still stay friends with you…" she trailed off with a faraway look in her eyes.

"I have been a fool right?" His voice trembled slightly as he shook his head.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" She answered with a small smile.

"You and your words! Can't you speak simple English?" he replied returning Hermione's smile, though it didn't reach his eyes, he appreciated her attempt to lighten his mood.

"Anyway, I don't have the whole day to stand and chit chat with you, have to get ready for work, so off you go!" She finished dismissively and as if to emphasize her point gestured towards the guest room where Ginny was staying.

He knew he looked like an idiot standing outside her room, taking deep breaths and muttering words of encouragement to himself. He lifted his hand to knock twice but ended up running it nervously through his hair both the times. He was about to make another attempt at knocking when he heard Ginny's voice, "Harry, you can't stand there forever, I won't bite…come in!"

"Umm…uh… Hi!" he smiled nervously at her as he entered. He had known that apologizing to her was going to be difficult, so he had practiced what he wanted to say to her several times, but seeing her in those tiny boy shorts and faded t-shirt turned his brain into mush.

She hadn't looked up at him when he entered, preferring to keep her attention focused on the broom she was polishing and he was grateful for that, for it gave him a few precious seconds to pull himself together.

He debated with himself whether to join Ginny on the floor or sit on bed and then after a few awkward moments finally decided on the bed. He placed himself on its edge and waited for her to respond to his greeting, but realized soon enough that he'd have to break the silence because she seemed to have developed a rather unhealthy (or so he thought) interest in her broom.

"How are you feeling? You were sleeping when I came to visit yesterday…there was a nasty bruise on your face…Hermione said you'd sleep through the night…" he knew he was rambling like a moron, but his mouth seemed to have detached itself from his brain, not that being attached to his brain would have done it much good he thought, but before his mouth could continue with its senseless speech Ginny interrupted him icily,

"You didn't come here to give me my health bulleting did you?"

"Umm…yeah! Sorry. I…umm…I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other night…I am sorry, I know I was out of line, I mean…uh… I know I have no right to say anything about who you date and who you don't…"

She interrupted him again before he could continue, "Damn! Right you don't. Is there anything else you have to say?" She glared at him and strangely enough he was thankful for that because at least she had looked at him instead of that friggin broom.

He took a deep calming breath and looked straight back into her smoldering eyes before saying what he had really come to tell her, "Yes, I do. I am sorry for making that dating comment but nothing else. I meant every word of what I said; I miss you…more than I ever thought was humanly possible. I have realized letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life and I want to make up for it…" he got up from the bed and kneeled down next to her before continuing, "What I want to say is that I love you and I have been a fool not to realize that I never can stop loving you."

For a brief second he saw her eyes softening but even before he could allow his heart to flutter she turned her face away from him and spoke in calm but cold voice, " I meant every word I said too, it's over and I am not going down the same road again."

Her words pierced through his heart, but he hadn't expected it to be easy in the first place, so he steeled himself and spoke again, trying his best not to sound as pathetic as he was feeling.

"You mean you don't have any feelings for me now?"

"Feelings" she chuckled humorlessly "you know sometimes I wish I didn't but both of us know they will never go away no matter how hard I try..." she turned to face him and then continued in the same self-depreciating manner, "You think if I didn't have any feelings I'd have sent that owl to you and asked you to come over to my place? If I didn't have any _feelings _I wouldn't be worried sick about how ill and pale you've been looking?" She exhaled audibly, shook her head and then spoke again but this time in an almost steely tone.

"The problem is I have very strong feelings! Anyway, I have made peace with them, they can stay where they are but it doesn't mean I am ever going to act on them."

He realized she had the same blazing look in her eyes that he had seen years ago in the common room, ironically at that time it was because she was determined to act on her feelings and this time she had made up her mind not to.

He wanted to take her hand in his own and tell her it was okay to feel how she did, that he would never hurt her again, that he couldn't bear to, because hurting her hurt him more than she knew, but all he managed to say was scratchy and broken "I am sorry… I know I hurt you…can you give me another chance…please?"

"No, Harry I can't." She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath as if willing herself to calm down and when she looked at him again the blazing look had been replaced with that of cold hard determination, "Believe it or not I have some sense of self-preservation. You broke my heart twice Harry…I am sorry I don't want to give you another chance to rip it apart."

"But…I won't Gin…because not being with you breaks my heart too…can't you see it? I know its not an excuse for how I behaved, but when we broke up I was confused about how I felt for you…your Quiddich, the distance, it was just too much for me to handle at that time, but being away from you made me realize I'd handle anything as long as you are with me…" he knew he was pleading but that didn't bother him, he was willing to beg, implore, do whatever it took but what frustrated him was the stony look in her eyes and the fact that his words didn't seem to be enough even to him.

He raked his hands through his hair agitatedly and continued "I know I am not saying this right…but I love you Gin…that's all I know and please believe me when I say that I'd never ever hurt you again…"

"Your word isn't good enough Harry. Remember you told me that you survived that war year because of me? Remember telling me that I was the last thing you saw when the killing curse hit you? You made me believe that I am _the one_ for you and then we have six bad months and you break up with me!" her eyes were still hard but he could see they were slowly turning wet with the tears she was holding back.

"Gin…I..." he tried to speak but she stopped him with an angry glare.

"I am not finished Harry! I know the six months before we broke up weren't great and I am not blaming you entirely for that, I took you for granted, but you know the day you told me you needed a break was the day I was planning to ask if I could move in so that we could spend more time together and sort out our issues. But no! You had already made up your mind…the relationship wasn't that important you in the first place I guess…" she wiped of the lone tear that had escaped despite her best efforts and fixed him with a fierce glare challenging him to contradict her.

"You know that's not true Gin…you were important me to then…you still are…more than anyone else in the world…" he spoke sincerely but his words sounded hollow to him when brought face to face with his past actions.

"Really? Strange isn't it that it only took you about a month to get over a relationship that was supposedly important to you?" She sneered.

"Gin…that…that….was just a stupid phase…it didn't mean anything," he stuttered.

"You know what, it doesn't even matter, it's not like you cheated on me when were together! But it hurt to see those pictures of yours plastered all over daily prophet. For about a month I kept blaming myself for the break up…I even contemplated asking you if we could try and work things out, but then the next thing I know you are sleeping with that auror!" Her voice shook with pent up resentment and he realized he had reached a new pinnacle of self loathing.

After a few moments of stony silence she spoke again, "Anyway, its good only that it happened you know, it helped me move on b'coz I figured that I probably wasn't that important to you in the first place." The finality in her tone as she uttered the last sentence scared him. He didn't want this conversation to be over, not like this.

"I didn't sleep with her…and yes I dated her and many other women, but that's what made me realize how much you meant to me. I was fool not to see what was in front of me and you have no clue how much I regret it everyday…but none of those women meant anything to me Gin…they never could…" he was trying to control the panic in his voice but it wasn't working, the way she was looking at him told him that this wasn't going to end well.

"It's okay Harry, you don't have to explain it to me…it wasn't as if we were together then," she shrugged a little too nonchalantly.

"No! I do and I have to because I love you…because you are the only one I have loved and I have hurt you so I need to explain it to you…" He wasn't making any sense, he knew that, but he could feel her slipping away from him yet again and he was trying to hold on to her desperately.

"Harry, this conversation is over. I am sorry but I am not ready for a relationship with anyone yet, leave alone with you. I do care a lot about you but I am not sure if I can trust you like that again…its either friends or nothing." Her tone was firm and her voice controlled, but she turned away from him as she spoke the last part and that gave him a little hope.

"I love you Ginny…I really do and if it's friends I'll take friends…for now, but I am not giving up." He knew his words wouldn't change her decision, but he wanted to let her know that he was going to fight back.

"Friends it is. Anyway I need to get ready and then go back to my apartment to pick up some stuff. Have a portkey to catch at 5, so I guess you should go." She replied getting up abruptly but still avoiding his gaze.

"Yeah…sure. So, will you write back, if I send you an owl?" he asked sounding wretchedly hopeful.

"I will…" she replied finally softening a little.

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Ginny stepped forward and gave him a friendly yet awkward one arm hug.

"Hmm…so I'll see you in two months I guess…" he said dejectedly as he returned her "friendly" hug.

"Yeah…round about that," she replied shrugging.

"Can I come and see you?" he was pathetic, he knew it, what was the point in pretending he figured.

"Harry, why are you doing this? You know the answer." She replied trying very hard to mask the misery in her voice by feigning annoyance.

"Sorry…but you know why I am asking," he smiled sadly before walking out of her room.

Author's note- Sorry for the delay, but real life is quite hectic at the moment. Anyways please let me know if you spot any errors/typos. Also a request to my silent readers especially those who have added the story to their favorites and alert lists, I would love to hear what you have to say, so please please drop in a review.


	8. Chapter 8

He was feeling less morose this morning than he usually did and he did have his reasons for it- there was just one Ginny-less week to go, he had ended his self-imposed exile, not completely, but at least he had started hanging out with Ron and Hermione again and Ginny had kept her word about replying to his owls. Though replying was all she had done and all her owls had been only "friendly", but he had decided to be optimistic about it, at least she was talking to him!

He had started drinking less since Ginny had left, he still had those off days when he would miss her so badly that he would end up seeking refuge in firewhisky, but he tried to abstain as much as he could. The fact that he hadn't heard about Ginny going out with anyone had also played a major role in his relatively firewhisky free and calmer state of being.

He still worked late on most days and even went to the ministry to finish as much paper work as he could on his off days. He hadn't lost his loathing for paperwork, it was just that being busy helped him keep his mind off his "platonic" relationship with Ginny.

No wonder people had started accusing him of channeling Moody! He had already broken several of Moody's records including the "maximum hours in a week" one. Perhaps Moody too had been a victim of unrequited love, the last thought made him chuckle humorlessly.

He took one last bite of his toast, gulped it down with a final swig of pumpkin juice and headed straight to the bathroom to get ready for the long day ahead.

The moment he turned on the shower his thoughts went back to Ginny. His relationship with her had become a series of "what ifs"…what if he hadn't been so pig headed and given her a chance to speak first the day they had broken up…what if he hadn't started dating Mia…what if he hadn't behaved like a jealous git, would they be better of than they were right now? He hated these bloody "what ifs" and he was damned if he let these regretful words haunt him for the rest of his life!

The cold shower calmed his body but not his nerves, it was a standard pattern, the moment he went to "what ifs", remorse, guilt and insecurity attacked him with vengeance. The things she had said broke his heart, but she had been so right. He wanted her to give him another chance but what right did he have, he wondered, to even beg her for one?

He had made the same mistake twice and yet he expected her to forgive him! The first time perhaps he was justified in pushing her away, the idea of anything happening to her whether they were or weren't together was unbearable to him, but the second time, what reason did he have? Just his own anger, guilt and pig headedness? So much for nobility he snorted cynically at the thought, he had turned out to be quite a selfish prick after all.

He turned off the shower, but unlike the water the torrent of painful thoughts did not stop. He sat on the edge of the tub and stared at the bathroom floor, still lost in his contemplation. He loved Ginny didn't he? Then why did _she_ get to bear the brunt of his selfishness? Was it because she had the power to provoke extreme reactions from him? He knew that she affected him in a way that nobody ever could. She had made him happy enough to want to live for himself and it was because of her that he had been able to overcome his self-loathing after the war. He had never cared too much about people taking him for granted, but when Ginny did it, he turned into an angry and irrational asshole. Even now, though she wasn't with him, she still had the power to turn him into a miserable and jealous moron.

"Brilliant!" he muttered to himself, "You really are fucked up Potter! Now you are blaming her for all your stupid mistakes!"

It wasn't her fault that he happened to be the world's biggest git! Who in his right mind would push away the only woman he loved not once but twice? No wonder she didn't want to be with him he thought flogging himself mentally, but he still couldn't deny to himself that she had made him selfish enough to want her back despite everything.

* * *

Twelve hours later...

He was sitting on one of the bar stools at the Leaky Cauldron, absentmindedly circling the rim of his half empty firewhisky glass with his index finger. Ron was late as usual, he didn't really have a problem with waiting, but what nettled him was the fact that someone or the other always came up to him to make small talk whenever he was alone and people other than Ginny, Ron and Hermione had been making him uncomfortable off late.

"Hi! Do you mind if I join you?" A husky feminine voice spoke to him.

"Sorry, I'm waiting for a friend." He replied politely, turning his face towards her.

"Well, your friend isn't here yet and you look like you could use some company?" She persisted with what she considered a seductive smile.

"Thanks, but I am fine." His tone was polite but his body language was dismissive as he turned his attention back to his glass.

"Suit yourself." She shrugged trying to sound nonchalant but he could make out that she was offended. In all honesty he didn't care one bit; he was tired of random women approaching him.

"Oi! Who was she?" Ron asked seating himself on the empty bar stool that the husky voiced woman was eyeing.

"I don't know" he shrugged, "She asked if she could join, I told her I wasn't interested in company."

"What?" He asked after a moment, noticing the weird look that Ron was giving him.

"Umm, mate I have been thinking…are you like okay?" Ron cleared his throat nervously before continuing, "I mean she was quite hot and she wasn't the first attractive witch you've turned down…I don't even remember when was the last time you actually went out with one, not that I'd have a problem you know if you...umm if you have realized that you aren't into witches or women in general, but I was just concerned…"

It was Harry's turn to look incredulously at him and then as the meaning of Ron's words started sinking in, his expression changed into one of amusement.

"Ron, are _you_ okay?" He chuckled at the look of pure bewilderment on Ron's face, "I dated your sister for Merlin's sake and I remember you making faces at our so called public displays of affection…so, you'd know if I were gay right?" His chest tightened as he recalled those times with Ginny, but thankfully Ron's flushed red face and nervousness were enough to distract him, at least momentarily.

"But…but that was more than a year ago…I mean I _know _you dated other women also after that….but I haven't seen you with one for months and you know Hermione once told me that…uh…um…sometimes it takes a while to realize your…umm…your you know sexual orientation…" he finished nervously as he stared at the bar table making no attempt to meet Harry's eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Ron, you really need to make up your mind mate? A couple of months ago you were asking me if there was something between Ginny and I and now you are saying that you think I am not interested in women?" He couldn't believe he was bringing up Ron's questions about him and Ginny, but it seemed like the most natural thing to ask considering what Ron was insinuating.

"Umm…well I thought so, but then you didn't make any attempt to get back with her and anyway she's seeing some Puddlemore git and you're still in your I am not interested in women phase…so… umm… you know it just got me thinking….maybe I should have discussed it with Hermione first," he mumbled the last part to himself. He didn't need to though, because Harry had stopped listening to him the moment he had said Puddlemore git.

Harry's amusement vanished as if it had been scrougified. She was seeing someone? Like not dating but actually going out with a bloke…when the fuck had that happened? She had said she had strong feelings for him a little over a month back, how could she change he mind so soon? The questions hit him like bludgers causing actual physical pain.

"Oi! Harry? You okay? I am sorry I didn't mean it like that…I mean gay or not gay you're my friend…"

"She's seeing someone?" He asked bleakly, his eyes a little out of focus and his voice barely audible.

"Umm, Ginny…yeah, I mean she didn't really tell us that in so many words," Ron stopped in mid sentence, the meaning of Harry's crestfallen look finally dawning on him.

"Since when?" He asked looking straight into Ron's eyes, his voice filled with unashamed hurt.

Ron licked his lips nervously as if debating with himself about what to say next, he opened his mouth and then closed it choosing to scratch his nose instead of voicing his thoughts.

"Since when, Ron?" He asked again, the crestfallen look slowly giving way to one of blatant rage and frustration.

"Umm…actually I just used Witch's weekly's word…we don't really know, I mean there was an article yesterday about this Jacob bloke and her…he plays chaser for his team too and there was a picture….so umm…Hermione sent her an owl and I don't know the details but when I asked Hermione about it she said that Ginny had told her that he was decent bloke and she hung out with him after the matches sometimes….umm so like they are dating…but I don't think it's serious…" he exhaled audibly as he finished.

"Hmm…" was all he could say as he glowered at his glass. His head was pounding and he could feel his skin burn with the jealous rage building up inside him. So, she had actually meant it…she really did want to move on. Damn it! He hadn't moved on, he couldn't even do that if he wanted to! How could she? Were they together now? What was she doing with him? What did she mean by hanging out with him after matches? How often did she do that? The relentless stream of questions laden with insecurity and fear were making him claustrophobic.

"Harry…" Ron's concerned voice interrupted his internal rant.

"Sorry mate, I have to go! I'll see you later okay." He got up abruptly, gulped down the remaining firewhisky till the last drop and stalked out of the pub.

Ron was probably too stunned by his abrupt departure to run after him and he decided to take advantage of it and apparated straight to a meadow near the burrow. He didn't know why he chose this place apart from the fact that it was the first one that came to his mind.

As he crumpled on the wet grass, he wondered why the angry tears weren't coming! He hit the ground with all the force he could muster; he needed an outlet for the frustration gnawing at his insides. His head was hurting with weight of all the unanswered questions.

Had Ron told him the truth about Ginny not being serious about that wanker? He desperately wished he had, but the insecure part of his brain wouldn't let him believe that. How was he supposed to handle losing her? Was he really losing her or was there still hope? Maybe they were just dating and it really meant nothing, he had had so many of such meaningless flirtations, maybe it was just that. He knew he was fighting an internal battle and the only solution was finding out the truth.

He had to see her. If she asked why he had come, he'd make up some story about auror work. He would watch her game, pull some strings and plant himself outside the Harpies dressing room, he didn't know where he would go from there, maybe her reaction to him would give away something or perhaps he could find a way to slip in a question about this Jacob asshole in a normal conversation, if she agreed to go out with him for a dinner something. Maybe that twat would do something to provoke him so that if nothing else, at least he'd be able to smash his face.

It wasn't a great plan and it was in fact rather "iffy" but at least it gave him some hope. Now all he had to do was to get himself a portkey to Spain and he knew that wouldn't be difficult. He didn't really like being famous, but being Harry Potter did come in handy once in a while, he thought, forcing a hopeful grimace like smile on his face.

* * *

Author's note- I had actually planned to include more in this chapter, but it's turned out to be long enough as it is. So the meeting with Ginny in Spain would come in the next chapter among other important things:). Please drop in your reviews, criticism, etc and all of you who have added the story to favorites and alerts, please please write in a line or two about what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

His heart was hammering against his chest as he stood waiting outside the Harpies dressing room. He was thanking his stars that he had landed in Spain on the day of a practice match. It had improved his chances of getting more time with Ginny. After all, had her team lost an actual match Ginny would have been in a foul mood, which would have spelt complete ruination for his already iffy plans. Winning on the other hand would have meant a rowdy post match celebration and he wasn't sure how he would have managed to catch her alone for more than a few moments in such a scenario.

To say he was nervous about her reaction would have been an understatement and his anxiety only seemed to grow with every passing second. As he ran his hands through his hair the fifth time in five minutes, he finally spotted her walking tiredly towards the dressing room with a team mate. He waved at her, but caught the attention of her team mate instead. The surprised girl's first reaction was an incredulous but happy smile but it vanished the moment he made a hand gesture indicating that he was actually waving at Ginny. She poked Ginny's rib with her elbow, pointed towards Harry and vanished into the dressing room.

"Hi! What are you doing here?" She asked walking towards him with a genuine but surprised smile.

He recited his well practiced lines with a fluttering heart, as he took a step forward to hug her, "had some work in the Spanish ministry, the meeting ended sooner than I expected and I knew you were here, so I thought I'd to come and watch you play."

She raised an eyebrow in response and he realized she had caught him. He had never been good at lying to her.

"Watching a practice match couldn't have been too much fun, or was it?" She asked with her smile still in place but he noticed that her defenses were back up.

"No, it was…I like watching you play, always have. You were fabulous today! I noticed the new moves…especially the back flips, you couldn't do them so well when I watched your match in London…" he almost bit his tongue as he said the last part. Damn his stupid traitorous mouth, it had developed a nasty habit of making him babble in front of her.

"You watched my match in London? When?" She asked with guarded curiosity.

"Umm, after we had broken up…you told me you didn't want to be friends then, but I had been missing you…and I mean you hadn't said anything about not coming to watch you…so umm…I figured if I couldn't talk to you, I could at least see you. I used glamour so no one recognized me…" he replied rubbing his neck nervously. He figured since his mouth had already given him away, he might as well be honest, even if the truth made him look pathetic.

"Hmm…so when are you going back to London?" She changed the topic abruptly and he could sense a sudden shift in the mood. The usual tension of their interaction ever since they had kissed was back. He knew he only had a few moments before she'd push him away and run in the other direction, so he took his chance.

"Tonight, ummm and I don't really have anything to do, so I was wondering you know if we could go out for dinner or something…as friends" He added the last part hastily to appease her.

"I don't know Harry, we have this quiddich league dinner tonight…it's an informal event really but I have already promised a friend we'll go together…I didn't know you were coming…" she replied evasively without meeting his gaze.

"Oh! Okay, never mind…I'll find something to do" he replied visibly deflating.

Neither of them spoke for a few awkward moments, she was looking over his shoulder, resolutely avoiding looking into his eyes and he stood there like a fool he thought, hoping she'd understand just how much her "yes" would mean to him.

"Umm, so I'll see you then sometime next week," he broke the silence eventually realizing that coming here was perhaps not such a good idea.

He had barely turned on his heel, when he felt her hand brush against his arm. "Harry, do you think we can just go for a drink or something? I think I can manage that…I'll tell my friend that I'll join him at the dinner…half an hour won't really matter." She finished chewing her lower lip nervously.

"Sure, I'll wait here you go and change," he replied smiling with visible relief as he turned to face her.

"Great, I'll see you in about ten minutes okay!" She returned his smile and it made his heart skip a beat when he realized it had actually reached her eyes.

He was sure "the friend" she had referred to was that Jacob bloke and he couldn't help but feel a feral thrill at the fact that she was changing her plans with the twat to go out with him. Maybe, there was hope after all, he told his anxiously beating heart. She had seemed pleasantly surprised to see him and that made him feel even better.

He was still lost in his Ginny thoughts when he saw her emerging out of the dressing room. She had washed her hair and as usual hadn't bothered to dry it. He wondered if she remembered how much he liked it this way. She wore a simple black sleeveless dress that fell just a little above her knees. He felt his breath hitch a little as he took in her appearance and it took every bit of self control he had to stop himself from pulling her in his arms and showing her exactly what she was making him feel.

"You look beautiful," he said almost reverently, settling for what he considered a friendly alternative.

"Thanks." She replied smiling and he noticed triumphantly that after almost a year he had finally made her blush.

"You aren't wearing your robe? Won't you need it for your dinner?" He asked giving her what he thought a stealthy once over.

"I shrunk it, it's in my bag," she raised a tiny tote to his face before continuing, "I figured we should go to a muggle place… we'll get more privacy, I am quite tired of nosey reporters taking pictures when I go out and with you I am sure it'll be worse." She finished shrugging her shoulders.

"Good thinking" He replied with a smile, feeling stupidly happy at the thought that she wanted privacy with him, even though he knew that she hadn't meant it that way.

"So, did you inform your _friend_ you'll be late?" He asked, hoping that it was a discreet way to ferret out information about the idiot she was supposedly seeing.

"Yeah, I told one of my team mates to pass on the message, but I am hoping we'll catch him on the way out…we'll be crossing the pitch they practice on, so I'll tell him myself." She replied slightly distracted as her eyes scanned the area around them.

"There!" She exclaimed, "I'll be back in a minute."

He watched her wave to a tall blond and muscular bloke dressed in dirty Quiddich robes. With a plummeting heart he watched the blond place an arm around her waist possessively. He felt the familiar fire of jealousy erupting in hie belly when her "friend" looked up in his direction and whispered something in her ear, still holding her close. His jaw tightened as he scowled in their direction, hoping that the asshole wouldn't dare to kiss her, even if it was a friendly peck in front of him! He knew that would be all the provocation he'd need to make complete fool out of himself yet again in front of Ginny.

Either it was because she was sensitive to his feelings or it was his lucky day that she pulled away from the blond fool quickly enough , giving his hand a light squeeze, before walking back towards him.

"So, where do you want to go?" He asked almost sullenly. He didn't want to be so petty, but it was difficult to go back to his cheerful state of mind after what he had just seen. True, Ginny's interaction with Jacob did not suggest the kind of deep romantic involvement he had feared, but he couldn't deny the fact that they did seem to be genuinely fond of each other and that had been enough to send alarm bells ringing in his insecure mind.

She looked at his face searchingly for a few seconds before replying, "There's a small muggle pub close by… it's five minute walk from here."

He desperately wanted to ask her more questions about her relationship with Jacob, but he figured slipping in a question or two in a normal conversation would be better, instead of asking nosey questions point blank.

The post Jacob awkwardness was forgotten soon after they reached the pub. He watched her fondly as she talked about Quiddich, laughed heartily when she interspersed her Quiddich stories with funny anecdotes about her team mates and allowed his heart jump excitedly as he noted the soft look of concern in her eyes when she asked him if he was at least spending time with Ron and Hermione. Spain he figured hadn't been such a bad idea after all.

Though she stayed longer than she had planned to, he felt that his precious hour had flown by much too soon. He hadn't even been able to slip in a single question about that blond idiot, so as they walked out of the pub he decided to take his chance.

"Umm, I hope your date won't be upset that you are late for dinner?" He asked trying to be as tactful as possible, though he had to make quite an effort to hide his distaste for the word date.

"No, it wasn't really a date today; we generally hang out together after practice and matches, so we decided to go together." She replied evenly.

Tact he realized was over rated as soon as he heard her answer. He wanted to know exactly where the moron stood with her and blurted out the thought that had been plaguing him ever since Ron had mentioned Jacob's name.

"So are you seeing him?" He asked anxiously.

"Harry!" She exclaimed with a note of exasperation.

"What Harry? We are friends right?" He replied petulantly, "I am allowed to ask if you are seeing someone, aren't I?"

"I am not…" she exhaled audibly, "we are friends and sort of dating. Does that answer your question?" Her tone had been oddly calm and it was apparent to him that she was trying really hard to keep her temper in check.

"Mhmm…so nothing serious?" He asked again not in the least embarrassed about the apparent jealousy he was displaying.

"No, not yet," she replied through clenched teeth.

"So, do you like him?" He persisted not bothering to hide the insecurity and panic in his voice. He knew he was pushing his luck, but he had already reached the point of no return.

"What the hell is your problem Harry?" She flared up finally, " You have no right to make me feel guilty about trying to move on with my life…we are not together and it was you who made the choice! You can't expect me to stop living my life just because you are feeling lonely! You know what maybe you should go back to dating all those pretty witches, it may just help you get over this brooding phase of yours!"

Her words were probably meant to make him angry and that's exactly what they did. He hated the fact that she thought he would actually even look at anyone when he had already made it so clear that she was all he wanted. For a moment he wanted to shake her and make her understand what she was doing to him, but he knew that would only push her away further. So, he pulled himself together and asked her as calmly as he could, "Why should I date anyone?"

"Well, as far as I know it is considered normal for single unattached people to date, right?" she replied slowly, laying undue emphasis on every word as if explaining something to an exceptionally dense child.

He knew what she was doing, it was such a Ginny like thing to do! He had known her intimately enough to understand how her defenses worked. She was scared of being hurt again, so she was trying her best to hurt him and push him away. What she seemed to have forgotten was the fact he could be awfully persistent when he wanted. He had promised her that he wasn't going to give up and this time around he intended to keep his promise.

"I am not _unattached_ Gin…you know it." He spoke softly, " I have made it pretty clear haven't I that I am absolutely and completely in love with you...have always been… even though I was a fool not to realize just how much earlier. I don't want anyone in my life other than you Gin; I don't even think I am capable of allowing anyone else in...it's always been you…I love you… I really do." He didn't take his eyes of her face for a single moment, he wanted her to know he meant every word and hoped feverently that his eyes had conveyed that.

Her anger dissipated as she stared at him quietly. He didn't know whether it was his persistence or his words, but it seemed as if he had finally found a chink in her armor, for this time he didn't see any trace of annoyance or denial in her eyes.

"Why now Harry? Why are you doing all this?" She sighed miserably, her shoulders slumping in defeat, "Looking at me like that…telling me you love me…popping up here in Spain…walking around with this…this heartbroken look…how am I supposed to move on when you act like this?" Her eyes turned into a molten shade of brown as she shook her head a little and continued, "I don't know how long this I am in love with you phase of yours will last, but do you realize where it will leave me? Why are you making things so difficult for me…why Harry?"

She looked so heartbreakingly vulnerable now that her "I am alright" mask was off that he wanted to kick himself for bringing their relationship down to this state where she thought his love for her was only a passing phase. He wanted her to know that he had never really stopped loving her and more than anything else he wanted her trust back. He felt a familiar stinging sensation in his eyes as he wondered if his words would make any difference at all. But, he knew he had to try and keep trying even though every rebuff pushed him deeper into the dark hole of misery he had dug for himself; it wasn't like he was left with any choices.

He didn't know how she'd react to his touch, but the fact that she had let her guard down gave him the courage to follow his instinct. Taking a step closer, he bent down slightly to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear and spoke in a near reverent tone, "Because I don't want to make it easy for you Gin," his hand to lingered on her cheek, caressing it softly as he continued,

"I know I have acted like a daft prick, but even I am not foolish enough to help you forget me and move on, when I want you back so desperately…I don't want a month or a few years with you Gin…I want forever…"

He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment in an attempt to rein in his emotions that were threatening to go out of control.

His voice cracked as she spoke again, "You have no idea how difficult these past months have been for me Gin…I can't see you with someone else…I can't. I am sorry…just please forgive me…tell me how to make it right…how to make you believe me? I'll do whatever you say…I promise…just please give me chance to at least show you how I feel…please…I'll never ever ask you for anything else…please Ginny"

She stared at him speechlessly and for a brief moment he saw a glimpse of the Ginny he had lost, there was that excruciatingly beautiful misty look in her eyes. She had looked at him like that for the first time when he had told her he loved her a few months after the war, he had seen it again before they had made love for the first time and now seeing her look at him like that made him realize just how much he had missed it. In that moment he'd have given anything to freeze time so that she'd look at him like that forever. He became painfully aware of his helplessness less than a second later as a shadow of the apprehension clouded her face.

He knew what was coming even before she parted her lips to speak. "I don't know what to say Harry…" She whispered sadly, biting her lower lip so hard he was afraid she'd make it bleed.

"Don't" he said tenderly stroking her lips with his thumb. He had this desperate urge to pull her closer and use his tongue instead, but he knew it would mean pushing her too much. Fighting to control his instinct he clasped her hand gently and asked her, hoping feverntly that she'd say yes, "can you stay a little longer?"

"Not now…I…I need to go…" she replied in scracthy voice, staring at his chest instead of looking up to meet his eyes.

"Hmmm…it's okay… I understand…" he said without really meaning it as neither of them made any effort to move.

"I'll see you when I get back…we'll talk …I promise…I just need some time to think." She spoke in a raw throaty voice after a few tense moments. For a brief second he wondered if she would end up repeating the pattern of taking one tentative step forward and two backwards, but that was only till the time his fearful searching eyes met her soft sincere ones and he realized that there was a chance that he'd get one more shot at happiness.

Author's note- Here's chapter 9, I worked hard on it but I am not too sure if it has turned out as well as I hoped it would. Please let me know what you guys think.


	10. Chapter 10

Meeting Ginny in Spain had given him hope, but the idiot that he was, he hadn't been able to restrain himself from buying the copy of Witch's Weekly that Ron had mentioned and it had turned out to be a terrible decision. His first instinct after seeing that awful picture of the twat kissing Ginny had been to rush back to Spain and ask Ginny what the hell she was playing at? But, thankfully the rational side of his brain had won and he had realized soon enough that no matter how much he hated the sight of another bloke touching Ginny he had no right to question her about it.

As he sat by the fireplace in his living room staring at his half empty glass of firewhisky, another painful realization dawned on him. He knew now what Ginny had meant when she had said that it had been difficult seeing his pictures plastered all over Daily Prophet. If it was difficult for her, seeing that picture had been unbearable for him, even though he knew that it had been taken before his visit to Spain, before Ginny had promised to think about giving him a chance, but it still hurt.

Karma he figured was really quite a bitch and a damn unfair one at that! At least he hadn't been happy or even really interested in the women he went out with, they were just plain distractions, the only one who lasted beyond two weeks was Mia and even for he hadn't felt anything apart from pure physical attraction, which had died its natural death within a few weeks. Though Ginny had told him that she wasn't serious about Jacob, but what irked him was the fact that she looked quite happy in that damned picture.

_Perhaps the idiot had cracked some lame joke just before the picture had been clicked and Ginny was merely smiling politely_, he tried to console himself. But his traitorous brain quickly shot down the idea with a sneering, "_Right, that didn't look like a polite smile!"_

With a loud groan he slumped lower into the chair and pulled at his hair in frustration. Why did he have to buy the wretched magazine, ignorance would have been better! She had asked for time and he had decided to give it to her, but it was getting more and more difficult to stay away, especially after seeing proof of the fact that she could actually leave him behind and move on.

_Perhaps she'll owl you tomorrow after she gets back_, he told himself hoping it would do something to calm his frazzled nerves. But the words merely sparked off another equally nerve wracking train of thought.

He knew he'd be the happiest man alive if she agreed to take him back, but he didn't know what he'd do if she gave him the friends or nothing spiel again. His choices he knew were truly limited at this point of time- make a nuisance of himself and try again or resign himself to wallow in regret and misery, the former he figured was a better option, at least it would keep hope alive for him, because without it he wouldn't know what to do.

Another problem (not as big of course but complicated nevertheless) that had been plaguing him was Ron. In all honesty Ron wasn't really the problem; the issue was facing him after that Leaky Cauldron episode. He knew Ron would confront him about his feelings for Ginny and he didn't want to discuss the state of his dismal love life with his best mate just yet. So, he had tried his best to avoid Ron, despite knowing fully well that it was only a matter of time before the hot headed Weasley barged into his apartment.

As if one cue, he heard a faint Pop outside his door, followed by the menacing "Open up Harry, I know you are in there," he had been dreading.

"Time to lie in horrid bed you made for yourself Potter," he grumbled to himself, before taking down the wards with a flick of his wand and allowing his angry best mate to stomp in.

"So, what's you deal Harry? I heard you visited Ginny in Spain…what exactly is happening between the two of you mate? And, why have you gone back to your old 'avoid Ron and Hermione strategy?' You really are a prize git you know that…right?" Ron continued to glare at him as he plopped himself on the couch opposite the armchair Harry was sitting in.

"Yes, I do Ron…nice to see you by the way." He replied sardonically.

"So, are you in love with my sister _again_?" Ron asked, sticking to his 'I don't beat around the bush policy.'

"I never stopped Ron." He replied, finally looking up to meet Ron's angry gaze.

"Then what was the we need time apart crap you two came up with? Or was she the one who broke up with you?" Though Ron's arms were still crossed Harry noticed that his tone had gotten a little softer.

He didn't think he could feel guiltier than he had already been feeling, but Ron's question proved him wrong.

"No, I did…it was my fault, I told her I needed a break to sort my feelings out." He spoke with apparent distress.

"But you just said that you still love her…never stopped in your words…why did you break up?" Ron asked his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Trust me mate, now that I think of it, I don't know for sure myself…it was a lot of things, but basically I think I was just very angry with her for placing her Quiddich over me and that led to other feelings…"

"What feelings?" He could sense the undercurrents of the famous Weasley temper in Ron's voice, but surprisingly it didn't scare him. Perhaps a part of him wanted Ron to get mad at him…maybe that would help lessen the guilt.

"I felt abandoned by her…and I started getting attracted to other women and then I felt guilty about it, she was never around and I felt terribly lonely… so eventually all those feelings got too overwhelming and I just took a stupid irrational decision that I have been regretting every day since I broke up with her…I don't even know if it makes any sense to you, it doesn't to me half the time…" he finished dejectedly.

"Well, it doesn't. Did you cheat on her?" Ron asked through clenched teeth.

"No, never!" He answered hastily, "I could never do that to her!"

"Then why did you feel so guilty?" Ron asked again, evidently swaying between anger and confusion.

"Because I felt attracted to other women while I still had Ginny…"

"Umm…so what's was wrong with that?" Ron asked clearly perplexed.

"We are talking about your sister Ginny, you know that right?" Harry questioned back sounding equally flummoxed.

"Of course! But I still don't get you… you said you loved her, then got angry, then felt guilty for feeling attracted to other women, but you didn't cheat on her but despite that you broke up with her…" Ron finished counting the reasons on his fingers.

"Umm…yeah…"

"Wait a sec! Did you break up with her because you wanted to go out with other women? Or because of that auror?" There it was, the Weasley temper had returned.

"No, not really. If I hadn't been so angry with her, I wouldn't have told her I needed a break, I'd have probably handled the guilt better…I don't know Ron it all seems so simple in hindsight! But I don't know what happened to me then, when I look back I feel as if I had suddenly changed into a different person…" He ran his hands through his hair agitatedly and continued, "I still don't feel like myself….damn! I am not good at this…I don't know Ron…I don't know how explain this to you…just punch me or kick me or do whatever and get it over with okay…" He finished dropping his head in hands defeatedly.

"Trust me I feel like doing exactly those things, but for some reason I can't bring myself to kill you...you look half dead anyway." He didn't know how someone could look sympathetic and angry at the same time, especially if that someone was Ron. He could have handled it if Ron had yelled at him, told him to lay off his sister or even hit him, but he didn't know what to do with this strangely calm Ron, so he continued to stare morosely at the floor, till Ron broke the uncomfortable silence that had invaded the room.

"So, now you want her back?"

"Yeah…if she'll have me," He mumbled

"Have you spoken to her about it?"

"Yeah, three times, she turned me down the first and the second time, but when I met her in Spain she told me she'd think about it…she said she needed time…" He answered almost mechanically, without lifting his gaze up from the floor.

"Hmmm…and if she agrees to take you back…you plan never to pull a stunt like this again right?" Ron continued with his unfamiliarly calm line of questioning.

"Are you really Ron?" Harry finally looked up to stare at his best mate incredulously and continued, "you aren't hitting me…you aren't mad at me! And to top it all you are actually sort of saying you are okay with it If Ginny and I get back together again?"

"Trust me I still have half a mind to throw every mean hex I can think of at you and then finish off whatever is left off you the muggle way, but you have been acting so pathetic since the last few months and now that I know it's been because of Ginny, I really don't know if it's worth beating you up about it." Ron took a deep breath and continued in the same oddly controlled voice, "Unfortunately, I also remember the look on your face when I told you about Jacob, honestly I haven't seen you look so devastated since Sirius died…so I know you do feel very strongly for her…even though I won't say I am not mad at you for what you did."

He had expected a lot of things from Ron, but never a reaction like that. He didn't know what to say, thank Ron for being the only one to understand him, feel guiltier because his best mate didn't yell at him for breaking his sister's heart, apologize to him or just promise him that he would never do anything to hurt Ginny again…if she ever took him back that is. But before he could decide what to say, Ron spoke again.

"So, what's the deal with the Jacob git? She wasn't really seeing him right?"

"She has been dating him…that's all I know. She said it wasn't very serious." He replied without even trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice.

Both of them fell into a contemplative silence again, but thankfully it wasn't that uncomfortable this time.

"You really don't want to hit me or threaten me at least?" Harry asked eventually with a tinge of anxiety.

"I do…but I'll pass _for now_…don't hurt her if she takes you back and if she tells you to fuck off, respect her wishes, though I doubt she'll do the latter…" he muttered the last part to himself.

"I am sorry…" He mumbled.

"Save it! Don't waste your groveling on me…go do it where it's needed." Ron snapped at him and oddly enough he felt a little relieved at Ron's display of irritation.

"So she's coming back tomorrow right?" He asked trying to avoid the silence that was threatening to invade the room again.

"Yeah…are you going to speak to her again as soon as she's back?"

"No...she had asked for time, she said she'll owl me…I'll wait for her."

"Mhmm…" Ron answered absently.

* * *

One Week Later…

Waiting for Ginny's owl turned out to be far more difficult than he had anticipated. He had promised himself that he would give her the space and time she had asked for, but now after waiting for six agonizing days he found his resolve weakening with every passing hour. "Two more hours…" he told himself as he glanced at his office clock, "and then he would apparate to Ginny's apartment, waiting be damned!"

As it turned out waiting had to be damned and he found himself outside Ginny's apartment at the end of his two hour deadline. He hadn't really gone with a plan or any expectations in mind, all he had wanted to do was to see her and ask her how much more time she needed, but within seconds of apparating outside Ginny's door every thought in his brain vanished to give way to pure rage and anger.

He had barely taken a step towards the closed door, when it opened to reveal Ginny and that git walking out. Surprise quickly gave way to slight awkwardness in her manner within moments of catching his eye. Though his internal reactions were far more extreme, he controlled himself and simply stared at her with his jaw clenched.

"Umm…Hi! Harry, didn't know you were coming." She said sounding as flustered as she looked.

"If it's a bad time I'll come later." He replied without meaning a word of what he said.

"No…Jacob was just leaving. By the way I don't think you guys have met…" She answered finally regaining a bit of her composure as she used her upturned palms to point at both of them.

"Hi! I have heard a lot about you." Jacob leaned forward offering a handshake.

His response was a mere grunt and a scowl as he crossed his arms across his chest. He didn't care if Ginny thought he was rude, given his present state of mind he was on his best and most civil behavior.

"Umm…Harry why don't you wait inside, I'll just say goodbye Jacob and join you." Ginny interjected trying to hide her embarrassment at his blatant snub to the twit.

"Yeah…" He glared at the two of them before walking in through the open door. His self control was slipping away fast, if she didn't join him in the next two minutes, he was sure he was going to break something or someone's nose he thought with a tinge of satisfaction.

He didn't have to as less than a minute later he heard the door slam shut as Ginny walked in huffing angrily.

"That was real mature Harry!" She exclaimed seething with anger the moment she came face to face with him.

"If being mature means acting all pally with your _boyfriend_, then thank you very much I am happier being immature!" He replied appalled at her gall for taking that idiot's side.

"I told you he's not my boyfriend, though I don't see why I should be explaining that to you!"

The words soothed his anger a little, but only momentarily. Boyfriend or not, she had promised to think about him and his feelings and what did she do? She called the jackass over to her apartment, while she didn't even bother to owl him after coming back. These thoughts fueled his rage further and he took a step forward, invading her space as he asked, "Then what was he doing in your apartment?"

She didn't back away and met his angry gaze with one of her own, "He dropped in because I consider him a friend…just like you dropped in _unannounced _because I consider you a _friend_."

Her words pierced through his heart and he took a step back. "Is that all I am? Just a friend…am I like Jacob to you Ginny?" He didn't know how all consuming rage could give way to such heart breaking hurt so quickly, but it did for him.

Her eyes went softer and her shoulders sagged, her anger gave way to something else as well, was it guilt? Or hurt? He didn't know. She slumped on the sofa nearest to her with her head in her hands and replied in almost muffled voice, " No…you are not…sorry I didn't mean it like that."

He dropped to his knees next to her; there were so many emotions he was feeling at once, for a few moments he didn't know what to say. When he finally found his voice he uttered the only question that stood out amongst all others in his mind.

"What am I Ginny? What am I to you now? I know you said we are friends…but is there any hope of me ever becoming more again?"

She looked up to meet his eyes and he saw his own confusion and fear reflected in hers. "I don't know…I mean I do, I have been thinking about it. I wanted to come and see you the day I came back, but I was scared…I still am…it just hurt a lot the last time…"

"I won't hurt you again Gin. I promise…never ever…I won't be able to live with myself if I did…" he spoke to her softly taking her small soft hands in his.

"Why did you break up with me then? How can you feel so strongly one day and then tell me you are not sure if I am the one for you or not the next?" She asked without making any attempt to hide the hurt and misery behind her words.

He didn't know his heart could break so many times in one conversation, but when it came to Ginny, his heart was hardly ever in his control.

"Trust me Gin I have asked myself the same question a million times? Why did I break up with you when I love you so much? I don't know if my answer will make any sense to you but it's the truth or the truth that I discovered about myself after letting you go…will you believe what I tell you?" He stroked her hands with thumb tenderly as he searched her eyes for a just a glimpse of the trust he had become so used to seeing when they were together.

She nodded silently and he noted with relief that her eyes were clear, free of all anger and wariness. Perhaps she would believe him.

"When I told you I wanted a break, I told you everything that was on my mind then…the distance…the doubts…the only things I didn't tell you were those I hadn't realized till then. My relationship with you was the only one I had that I could call completely my own, everything else was shared, my friendship with Ron and Hermione, my relationship with your family. You were the only one in whose life I was the most important person, you loved me in a way I had never been loved and I was so happy. But then your Quiddich started and suddenly you had something in your life that I thought was more important than me and it made me so angry! You didn't have time for me, it was always Quiddich, Gwen, team meetings, practice and I didn't know where I stood with you anymore…"

"You could have talked to me Harry…you could have written it all down in a letter…and what about those other women…what about all those things you said about me not being the one?" She interjected agitatedly, but to his relief she didn't pull her hand away from him.

"I am coming to that Gin. Just hear me out please. You know I had never had a relationship in my life, you were my first and in all my anger I started asking myself if that's how relationships are meant to be? I thought if I had someone to love me…if I had you I'd be happy…but I wasn't, at least I thought I wasn't. I actually realized what how painful 'unhappy' can be after I let you go..."

He took a deep breath and continued, "I admit I did feel attracted to other women, but I have realized how shallow just physical attraction can be. And trust me Gin while we were together I never touched anyone and I promise if you ever give me another chance I won't ever let you down. I don't want anyone else Ginny and I know I never will…I am sorry for hurting you, but I do love you…more than I can ever love anyone else…"

"Why didn't you write to me in all those months? If you actually felt so strongly…did you miss me when I wasn't there or did these feelings suddenly come back when I wrote to you?" He could sense a trace of anger in her voice but thankfully it hadn't yet become strong enough to reflect in her soft brown eyes.

"I did…you have no idea how much. I read every news report that mentioned you, several times in fact. I don't know how many notes I wrote to you only to tear them away…I swear you were my last thought every night before I went to bed…even while I was dating those other witches, I always compared them with you…I was a fool…a thick headed fool not to realize then that you were the only one for me…only one I would ever want. Now, when I look back I realize that a part of me knew that the break up was a huge mistake and I should have come and groveled at your feet the very next day…but I didn't in my stupid anger and pigheadedness! I am sorry Gin…" he finished his voice laced with self loathing.

She simply stared at him quietly; the fact that she was biting her lower lip yet holding his hand tightly told him that though she was still thinking, a part of her had started believing him again.

"I want to trust you again Harry…I really do…but I don't know if we can have what we had…" She spoke finally, swaying between uncertainty and hope.

"I don't care, we'll build something new…we'll start from scratch if you want…don't give me any commitment…don't make any promises. Just give me a chance…I'll make you trust me again…I promise I'll do everything I can to make you happy…I love you gin and you… you do care for me right and you still have those feelings for me…maybe not love…but you may fall in love with me again, I mean that possibility is still there right? " He asked almost desperately.

"Of course I do…I mean I do…damn! I do love you…never stopped! Do you think I would have put up with all your crap if I didn't?" She asked pulling her hand away from him and waving her arms in the air exasperatedly.

He had been dying to hear her say that for months and now that she had finally spoken those magical words, all he could do was to stare at her dumbly.

"You do…you mean that right…?" He choked out when he finally found his voice.

"Mhmm…" She nodded as she joined him on the floor. They continued to stare at each other for several minutes or it could have been seconds for all he knew. She inched closer to him so that their knees were touching and then leaned forward to stroke his face with her thumb. "I mean that…I do love you…but I don't want to rush into anything…we can take it slow, can't we? I mean we do need to work out our issues as well; I don't want to make the same mistakes Harry… I don't want to mess it up again…"

"Me neither…" he spoke so softly it was merely above a whisper. Taking her hand in hers, he kissed her palm softly.

"Thanks…we'll do whatever you want…just don't ask me to be your _friend_ again…I mean that _just friends friend…" _he finished with a watery smile.

"Prat!" she chuckled and slapped him on the back of his head playfully.

"I love you." He said almost reverently as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

"I love you too…I missed you a lot you know…" she whispered as bent down a little to bring her lips tantalizingly close to his.

That's when they stopped talking. He kissed her softly, savoring the taste of her lips; she matched his movements, stroking his lips tenderly with her tongue. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks, he didn't know whether they were her tears or his...all he cared about at this moment was that he had her in his arms…he could feel her again…touch her again…call her his Ginny again.

Love...peace...relief...joy...passion...hunger, Ginny could make him feel a thousand things at once and make his mind go completely blank at the same time. He never thought he'd cry while kissing, but then again it was Ginny he was kissing and she held a strange power over him...she could make him do things he didn't know he was capable of. He heard her sob and he pulled back… "I love you …" he said and kissed her tear strained cheeks.

She chuckled softly as she took off his foggy glasses and said "and you said Cho's kisses were wet Mr. Cry baby"

"It was only a kiss not kisses as you put it!" He replied back pouting, "and I don't want to talk about Cho or anyone else …"

"What do you want to do then?" She asked smiling teasingly through her tears.

"This" he said with a growl he pulled her closer into a hard bruising kiss.

* * *

Author's note— I had written a far more passionate kissing scene earlier, but I didn't want kissing to lead to more in this chapter, so the scene didn't quire fit, so I think I am going to include it in the next chapter which btw is the reason for the rating of this story:).

Anyway I am really sorry for updating so slowly, but work pressure has been killing me, leaving me with very little time to work on the story. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it, even if you didn't, please let me know what you think. There may be more errors/typos than usual in this chapter because I haven't had the time to proof read it thoroughly, I'll be grateful if any of you can point them out, I'll go back and make the changes as soon as I get time.


	11. Chapter 11

If it hadn't been the need for air, he would never have ended the kiss. Touching her, holding her, kissing her made it real and he desperately wanted to hold on to that feeling. He had gone so long without it, had spent so many days fighting the fear of never being able to call her 'his' Ginny, that he was afraid he would wake up any moment and realize that he had been dreaming about her yet again.

"It's real right…" he asked trying to slow down his breathing enough to voice his thoughts.

Her eyes were still closed and he thought she looked breathtaking as her face lit up with that beautiful misty smile he loved.

He cupped her face in his hands, planted a soft kiss on her forehead and whispered, "Thank you…Gin…I…"

"Shush…" she placed her finger on his lips and whispered, "I love you." His heart fluttered, he had waited for months to hear her say 'I love you' again and no matter how many times she said it now, he knew he would never get tired of hearing those magical words.

He made himself more comfortable on the floor and pulled her on his lap. "I love you too…" He breathed burying his face in her hair. He knew they needed to talk and he wasn't naïve enough to believe that things would be easy, he was still extremely insecure and it would take a lot of time and effort to make her trust him the way she used to, but for now he was happy… happier than he had been in the entire year.

Filling his senses with her strawberry and vanilla scent, feeling the softness of her hair under his fingers and the smoothness of her skin beneath his lips, he felt like he was home again.

"Harry…" she whispered softly, running her fingers through his messy hair, "what now? where do we go from here?"

"Wherever you want Gin…I want to make this work…I'll do anything…" he replied between pressing feather light kisses on her neck.

"I want you to do a little less kissing and a little more talking for starters…" she chuckled.

"Yeah…sorry" He grinned sheepishly, lifting his face up to meet her soft brown eyes, "It's just been so long…couldn't stop myself."

She smiled back, but he realized it didn't reach her eyes. "Gin, did I do something wrong?"

"You are sure about this….right?" She asked looking at his face searchingly.

His heart clenched painfully as he saw that dreaded shadow of apprehension cloud her eyes again. He pulled her closer as if afraid she'd change her mind and put the distance he hated back between them. "Never been surer of anything else in my life Gin…I want this to work…I want us to work…"

"I want us to work too Harry, but the last year was awful, do you think we can put it past us? I mean it's not going to be easy…" It was apparent from her tone that she was fighting an internal battle between what she wanted and what she feared.

"Gin, it's because of last year that I am sure we can put it behind us…" he spoke softly, curling a strand of her hair around his finger, "I was miserable…I hated what I had become without you and I don't want to go through another day of that misery ever again…"

"Ginny!!!Are you there?" He almost jumped out of his skin on hearing Hermione's voice.

"It's the floo; I got the fireplace installed last night." Ginny replied with a slight smile as she got up from his lap to answer Hermione's call.

"Hi! Hermione."

"You are alone right?" He heard Hermione say from the other end.

"No…umm, Harry is here…" she answered softly.

"Harry?" Hermione asked her voice dropping to mere a whisper, he couldn't hear the words that followed apart from 'Jacob' and 'talk'. His heart plummeted to his stomach as he wondered why Hermione was whispering about the git.

"He came here just as Jacob was leaving…we were umm talking…" Ginny didn't bother to lower her volume as she answered.

"You are okay, right?" The concern in his best friend's voice sent a jolt of irrational anger through him. _Why did she think Ginny wouldn't be okay if he had dropped in? _But before he could dwell on his feelings of resentment towards Hermione, he heard Ginny's answer and it made him feel childishly vindicated.

"Yeah…I'll talk to you tomorrow okay, he's waiting…"

"Lunch? I want to talk to you." He knew that tone, it was the one Hermione used when she had made up her mind not to take no for an answer.

"Yeah…Lunch, promise. Bye." He couldn't see her face, but he could make out that she had said the last part with a smile. He wondered nervously about how their lunch conversation would go...would Hermione be okay with Ginny's decision to give him another chance…did she think Jacob was better for Ginny?

"Sorry…that was Hermione's standard evening call…" Ginny interrupted his reverie as she plonked herself on the couch and patted the place next to her, "come up here…my bum's aching from sitting on the floor."

He wanted to ask her about Jacob, but he didn't know how to start. He wasn't sure how she'd react and he didn't want to make her angry, but then he also knew that he wasn't going to get a moment's peace until he got his answers.

"Umm Gin..." he began nervously as he joined her on the couch, "I wanted to ask you about Jacob…"

"What about Jacob?" She asked evenly.

"Why was he here? You said it wasn't serious, but then you don't just call someone you are dating casually to your apartment at night…right?" He knew it didn't come out right. It had sounded much better in his mind, but the words were already out and it was too late to take them back.

Her reaction was just what he had expected. "What are you trying to say Harry? That I am stringing you along while I am having a torrid affair with Jacob?" She asked jerking away from him, her eyes flashing with anger.

"No…no! Sorry I didn't mean it like that…" He panicked, "Damn! I am sorry…I don't know why I fuck up every time…it's just that I saw your picture with him in Witch's weekly and I was scared…" he was babbling, he knew that, but he just couldn't get the words right, "I am sorry, but you have no idea how I have spent the last year in constant fear…"

"Say that one more time and I'll hex you into next week Potter!"

To say he was completely taken aback and flummoxed by her angry retort would have been an understatement. He racked his brain to figure out just what he had said that had sparked of this reaction, but got nothing. So, he just stared at her with panic and confusion written all over his face.

"I have no idea? I have no idea how it felt?" She poked his chest angrily, "I was the one who was dumped remember? The second time!!! So, I felt worse and more miserable than you did!"

She glared at him challenging him to contradict her and he just sat there like a dumb idiot he thought. If he had felt guilty earlier he had no words to describe what he was feeling now.

"Sorry…" he mumbled staring at the floor. He didn't have the courage to meet her eyes. He had acted like selfish prick, he had been so blinded by his own misery that all that he had thought about was how awful _he_ was feeling, how lonely _he_ was without her, how much _he_ feared losing her…he had felt guilty about hurting her but had never realized that she was probably more heartbroken than he was.

They sat quietly for several minutes. He continued to stare at the floor, lost in his own thoughts of self loathing, but he was conscious of her taking deep breaths to calm herself. He didn't dare to speak, for all he knew she'd throw him out if he as much opened his mouth again.

With a sigh she broke the silence, "I guess I can't blame you completely…I haven't really spoken to you about last year and I know I haven't been as obvious as you have been."

Ginny had always been a little unpredictable, but he had never felt so confused around her. In the space of an hour she had gone from angry to loving, vulnerable, angry again and then surprisingly forgiving! He didn't deserve the last part, he knew that, but he couldn't help being thankful for it.

She rubbed her temples lightly and continued in the same calm voice, "We have a lot of issues to sort out I guess. Are you sure you are up to it? I have changed a lot in the last year and living with me will probably not be easy. ?Are you sure want it Harry? Because if you are not, tell me now…I really don't want to go through a painful break up again."

Even though he knew that he didn't deserve her trust just yet after everything he had done, her apprehension still hurt. He figured he didn't really have a choice other than trying harder to make her see that he really was serious about their relationship.

"I know we have issues Gin…I know it's not going to be easy. Perhaps you have changed, but you are still Ginny right? You are still my Gin…the fiery, brave, passionate, loyal, loving woman I fell in love with. You may not trust me like you used to, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life working to earn it back if that's how long it takes. I love you Gin, I'll to do whatever it takes to make it work because I don't want a life without you in it baby…it doesn't work for me…" He finished barely able to control the tremor in his voice.

"Doesn't work for me either…" she said softly taking his hand in hers.

With a sigh of relief he entwined his fingers with hers. "So, where do we start from?"

"We've never really talked about last year…I mean you've told me a bit, but I haven't really told you anything about myself, unless we know how it was for both us, it'll be hard to put it behind and move on, right?"

"Hmmm…yeah…you sure you want to talk about it?" He asked tentatively.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I still have a lot of resentment and anger, unless you know about it, you won't be able to understand me or my reactions for that matter and I need to know about you…you've changed in a lot of ways too…"

They didn't speak for a few minutes, he was trying to collect his thoughts and he figured she was doing the same thing.

"You want to know about Jacob first?" She asked softly, finally breaking the silence.

He nodded, "If it's okay with you."

She pulled her hand away from him gently, he didn't try to stop her; he knew she had a habit of cocooning herself in her personal space when she had to discuss something that was likely to disturb her emotionally.

"I have known Jacob for sometime," she began, "I met him for the first time at Quiddich party a few months back and we bumped into each other several times after that, their training ground is near ours. He had asked me out a few times before we left for Spain but something or the other always came up, so we didn't really get around to dating. You remember you came to see me before I left for Spain right?"

He nodded mutely wondering why she had suddenly switched from Jacob to him.

"You know you looked so sincere and heartbroken that it almost killed me to turn you away. A part of me wanted to forgive, forget and believe everything you told me, but I was scared. You hurt me a lot Harry…I didn't want to set myself up for another round of heartbreak. I told myself you were only trying to get back because you were lonely and you'd get over it in a while. Anyway, I told you I couldn't offer you anything more than friendship, but I couldn't forget the look on your face when you said you weren't giving up. I wanted to focus on my game and all I could think about was you, to top it all you kept sending me those sappy owls and I didn't know what to do. That's when Jacob asked me out again." She paused biting her lower lip as if contemplating what to say next.

He sat there quietly not knowing what to think, he had an idea where she was heading and he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or even more jealous.

Just as suddenly she had stopped speaking, she started again. "He's a wonderful person…he made me laugh… he is good looking … we could talk about Quiddich for hours and I realized that spending time with him helped me distract myself from thinking about you. I know it was wrong, I wasn't being fair to either him, myself or you, but I needed comfort then, I needed a distraction and he provided it. I thought I was doing fine, I didn't really have a relationship with him, it was more like friends with benefits and I was okay with that, but then you appeared in Spain and turned my life upside down yet again!" She exhaled audibly as she finished, pulled her knees close to her chest and stared at her feet quietly. He didn't know if she expected him to say something, but he spoke anyway.

"Ron told me you were seeing this Quiddich bloke and I had to come…I was scared I was going to lose you, not that I had you then, but the thought of you actually seeing someone who wasn't me was more than I could bear…"

She shook her head a little in response, but didn't look up to meet his gaze. "I knew you were lying about the meeting. When I saw you standing outside the dressing room for an instant I was so happy and then I realized I shouldn't be; I was trying to get over you! I wanted to tell you to go back and leave me alone, but you looked so miserable…I couldn't. The way you looked at me, brought back so many happy memories, it hurt. I mean here I thought I was doing okay, but one look at you and I was back to square one. I was really confused after you left. I told myself you wouldn't try so hard if it were just a phase… I knew you weren't lying to me when you said you loved me, but then I realized you had said the same things after the war too and despite that you broke up with me. So, I didn't know whether I should trust you… "

"Are you changing your mind about me again?" He asked barely holding back the panic and fear in his voice.

"No…" she replied with a small smile, "but you might, after you hear everything."

He shook his head vigorously, "trust me, that's never going to happen."

She merely shrugged in response and continued, "So, getting back to Jacob, I decided I'd go to the party show my face, tell Jacob I wasn't feeling well and return to the hotel. But, my plans don't always work…so the next thing I know, I have Jacob asking me if I'd consider going out with him…like you know a girlfriend and I didn't know what to say! So, I asked him for time and well that's why he was here, I told him I spent so much time with him in Spain because I wanted to get over my ex and it wouldn't be fair to him if I got into a relationship while I was still so hung up on someone else."

"And he was okay with that?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, I told you he's a great person, I was honest to him and he was quite sweet about it, even though I know I didn't deserve him being so nice to me. Anyways, we parted on good terms and have decided to stay friends."

He didn't know what to say to her. He wasn't happy that she had decided to stay friends with Jacob; he was angry and jealous because she said that twat helped her forget him even if it was for a while and the worst thing was he had this uncomfortable feeling that she still wasn't sure about him.

"Are you still confused about us?" He voiced his thoughts finally, trying hard not to sound as anxious as he was feeling.

"No…I have figured getting over you is a lost cause for me and trust me I've tried really hard!"

"Gin, you know you sound more resigned than happy about taking me back." He said quietly. It took a lot of effort on his part to say that, but he had to be sure, he didn't want her to make any decision that she wasn't happy about…he had hurt her enough already.

She looked up to meet his eyes and to his relief there was no sign of doubt or apprehension in them. "No, it's not that. I love you and I believe you when you say that you love me, but as I told you the anger and resentment will take a while to go. I don't blame you completely, a lot decisions I took after the break up were out of my own weakness, though I can't deny the fact that what you did hurt a lot…"

He wondered what decisions she was talking about. She had shut out almost everyone apart from Hermione after their break up, so he didn't know what she had done in those six months before she decided to let him back into her life. She didn't wait for him to ask though.

"You know I went for the Quiddich tour after we broke up right? It helped in a way because I didn't have to be at a place that reminded me of you…helped me think. I mean I was still angry with you for breaking up with me but I realized that I had made a lot of mistakes too. I really took you for granted, ignored you, acted like a self-centered prat, so I figured maybe if I went back and tried to sort things out, we could give it another shot. But then your pictures with that auror you dated started appearing in Daily Prophet with amazing regularity and I felt as if I had been living a lie for two years. It hurt so much to think that while I like a fool was killing myself with guilt thinking that I had hurt you, you were probably happily making out with her. I completely lost it for a while, I remember I used to call Hermione over the floo regularly and bawl my eyes out…it was so not like me. I hate crying and I was doing it everyday…I felt like such a weak and pathetic little girl, wallowing in self pity and misery because her boyfriend dumped her and was dating someone else…it was awful… I couldn't stand what I had become…."

She took a deep breath, pursed her lips and stared at her nails; he figured she was trying to sort out what to say next.

"I am sorry Gin…" he mumbled hoarsely.

She didn't look up, pretending she hadn't heard him. "My game suffered, I could hardly play…" her voice cracked as she began talking again, "I was always distracted and tired…wasn't sleeping well and constantly got into arguments with my teammates. Now that I look back I realize that I had become this unbearable and cynical bitch, whom no one wanted to talk to. So, finally Gweong told me that she'd throw me out if I didn't get my act together. I was told to pack my bags, take a week's break and come back only if I was ready to play again. I felt so humiliated, I had hit rock bottom you know... life just wasn't working out for me. I had lost you, I was about to lose my career, I couldn't seek comfort in my family… I didn't know what to do. I could have spoken to Hermione or Neville, but I didn't want to. It was one of those phases, when you feel so disgusted with yourself that you don't want anyone to see you like that. So, I packed my bags, but didn't come back home."

"Where did you go?" He asked his voice trembling with supressed anger.

"I checked into a nearby hotel. I wasn't thinking rationally then…I wasn't thinking at all…" she answered shaking her head, she had given up the pretense of sounding calm and he could feel the anguish in her voice as she spoke. "Anyway that night I went to this muggle pub ….I don't know how much I drank because the last thing I remember was making out with this strange bloke I had never met in a seedy hotel room. I was drunk, I knew what was happening, I also knew it wasn't right but a part of me wanted it because I wanted to feel something apart from self loathing and hurt. I know it was stupid decesion to get drunk and check into a hotel room with a guy I barely knew...I mean I should have known that you can't expect a sloshed bloke you have been making out with in damned hotel room to stop when you tell him to. I tried to though, when he started hurting me, but I was too drunk to form a coherent sentence leave alone make him listen to me or even push him away…so I just gave up and let him do whatever her wanted…I don't remember when I passed out…" she clenched her fists, took a deep calming breath and continued, "The next morning I found myself lying naked and alone…I was terrified and disgusted with what I had done…I got dressed and ran…you know I don't even know his name or remember clearly what he looked like… I spent hours trying to scrub the feel of his skin off me…it wouldn't go…"

Her words hit him like bludgers, he felt bile rise up in his throat, almost choking him. His head started spinning as his mind filled with images of a nameless faceless bloke attacking Ginny's body. He wanted to banish those images, but they only became more detailed and vivid, he felt ashamed of himself for thinking of her that way, but the harder he tried to push the images away, the more intense they became. He felt suffocated and dizzy…he couldn't breathe; he wanted to scream and hit something, anything that could help him release the rage he felt inside. But he sat there staring at her as if he was paralyzed. He had hated himself several times in his life, but what he felt right now was beyond hatred…it was pure unadulterated revulsion.

She was still staring at her toes, oblivious to the effect of her words on him. "That day I decided I needed to get my life back on track… "She started speaking again but in a voice so low it was is she was talking to herself,

"I couldn't go on living like this….I couldn't go back home or to even to Ron and Hermione's place, because then I'd have to tell them why I had been sent back in the middle of the tour, Luna was traveling with her father, so I called Neville. I stayed at his place for a week, he was the one who called Hermione. She told Ron that she was going to her parents' and came to stay with me at Neville's. Anyway, so the two of them helped me restore some amount of my sanity…I went back focused on my game, practiced till I was too tired to think about you. For a while I even tried to hate you…but I couldn't…couldn't help missing you, so I tried to get over you by dating other people, but we know how well that worked…"

He had heard her words, they registered in some part of his brain, but he found himself unable to react. A part of him wanted to hold her, protect her and never let her go and the other part wanted to run away because he felt too ashamed to face her. It was the latter part that won.

"I…I need to use the washroom…" he heard himself say.

His voice jolted her out of her reverie… "Are you okay?" She asked startled.

"I…I…need to go Gin…washroom…"

"Yeah…it's right next to the fireplace…"

He didn't know how he managed to take those few steps. His brain registered her calling out to him, but he slammed the door shut and collapsed on the floor, he felt cold sweat and hot painful tears running down his face as he emptied the contents of his stomach in the toilet.

"Harry…are you okay?" He heard her muffled voice.

"Yeah…yeah…give me a minute…" He replied trying hard control his trembling voice.

"You are not…Harry come out and talk to me…"

The concern in her voice triggered a fresh wave nausea, with a loud groan he turned to the toilet to throw up again.

"Alright…I am coming in…"

The next thing he registered was the soothing feeling of her warm hands stroking the back of his neck. "It's okay Harry…I am sorry…." She whispered sweetly.

"Merlin, Gin! _I am_ sorry…I am so so sorry…." He sobbed as he turned to face her, "Can you ever forgive me for what I did?"

She kneeled down next to him and cupped his face in her hands. "I have forgiven you baby…I didn't tell you all that to blame you, I wanted you know, so that you could understand where I am coming from. You aren't responsible for my actions...the mistakes I made were my own, you didn't force me to act the way I did Harry. I love you…I want us to work and that's why I thought it's important for both of us to know about the past…"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her t-shirt, "I want us to work too Gin…" he cried, "I know I don't deserve you…but I want you Gin…so badly….I love you…I am sorry baby…I know it's not enough…."

"Harry…Harry…you are crying like a baby…come on….it's okay…we'll work it out…" She said gently as she rocked him back and forth.

He knew he was crying like a sissy idiot, he knew he should have been the one to comfort her instead of the other way round, he knew he had been a fool to put them both through so much misery, he knew he didn't deserve her, but most of all he knew then that come what may he was never ever going to let her go.

Okay, I had planned to cover a 2 month period and write a shorter conversation between Harry and Ginny, but when I sat down to write, I figured I couldn't shorten it. So now there will be two or perhaps 3 M chapters.

I'd love to hear what you guys have to say about it, good, bad, whatever! Also a request to the 40 odd readers who have added the story to their alert list, how about leaving a review guys? Good reviews motivate me and criticism (as long as you don't flame me) helps me improve…so do your bit please:)


	12. Chapter 12

He sat at a corner table in the Leaky Cauldron staring moodily at his butterbeer. He would have been in a happier frame of mind had Ginny been with him, but she had wanted to catch up with Luna that evening, so he found himself waiting alone for his two best friends to join him. The four of them had met up a couple of times after he had Ginny had gotten back together, but he hadn't been able to speak to Hermione alone. There was a lot on his mind and he desperately needed some advice, Hermione's advice to be precise.

He didn't really know how to describe the last one month, he had been happier than he had been in the entire year and yet there were so many dark clouds of fear and guilt hovering over their relationship that his happiness was far from complete.

His guilt hadn't lessened; no matter how hard he tried he couldn't forget the fact that he had given her emotional scars that would take years to heal. Ginny may have denied it but he knew he was responsible for the nightmare she had been through…it was his fault that the asshole had touched her…it was because of his bloody mistakes that his Ginny had suffered. It killed him to think that while he had been busy dating women who meant nothing to him, the one woman he loved with everything he had was wrecking her own life all thanks to him!

What hurt him even more were the traces that his mistake had left on Ginny's personality. Though outwardly she seemed to have gotten over the horrific night, he knew she still blamed herself for what happened to her. He wanted to make her realize that if there was anyone to blame it was him and that bloody asshole! But, his own guilt and the fear of causing her pain stopped him from raising the subject.

It broke his heart to see Ginny's physical and emotional restraint. Physically, he could always sense the simmering passion between them; it pushed him to the edge of his self-control whenever they kissed, but he held on to the last shred of control he had, perhaps with more tenacity than he would have otherwise because of his guilt. It was almost as if they were back at Hogwarts, except that this time, Ginny was as restrained as he was.

Both of them were doing their best to make their relationship work, she was trying to adjust her schedule around him and he was doing the same. They talked a lot, about the past, how their life had been without each other, the present, their thoughts, opinions, everything, yet there was this invisible emotional barrier that they couldn't bring down. He couldn't because of his guilt and the fear of giving her the slightest reason to push him away, he feared that she didn't because either she didn't trust him enough yet or wasn't sure about being with him.

She still hadn't told anyone about their being back together, apart from Ron and Hermione. She hadn't even wanted to tell Ron, but he had insisted. They had gone out a few times in the last one month and she maintained her distance from him in public, refusing to even hold his hand even though they mostly went to muggle places to avoid the press. He hated publicity as well and understood her aversion to it, but her reluctance to tell their friends and family only added to his insecurity.

Jealousy was another problem he was finding hard to deal with. It wasn't an alien feeling to him, especially when it came to Ginny. He had lived with it for months and now that he had her back, he didn't want it anywhere in his life, yet he couldn't banish it. It lurked in his consciousness, because Jacob was someone Ginny still interacted with. He felt petty and small, but he couldn't help it, she had told him that he made her laugh…made her forget about him for a while…she had picked Jacob over him even if it was only for a little over a month. What bothered him the most, however, was the fact that he knew Jacob had never hurt her the way he had and he didn't know how to deal with the nagging voice in his head that always told him the twat would have been better for Ginny.

His jealousy in fact had led to their first row two weeks back. Ginny had told him that she had made dinner plans with some of her Quiddich friends and his first reaction had been to ask her angrily if Jacob was going to be there. She had obviously gotten pissed and told him off for acting like an insecure prat. He had resorted to sulking and brooding as she went ahead with her plans. He would have probably spent the next day in a nasty mood as well had she not come over to make up with him. He had apologized for acting like a git, she had whacked him on the head, threatened him with a hex if he acted that stupid ever again, he had pulled her in for a kiss and their first row after getting back together had been resolved without too many fireworks.

He knew it wasn't like them to avoid discussing the real problem, but then again at that time they were just two weeks into their relationship and he knew that both of them were scared of a confrontation. Obviously, the underlying issue had remained unresolved.

"Hey! Why are you scowling at your drink?" Hermione's voice shook him out of his reverie.

"Hey! Ron's late as usual, huh?" He got up to give her hug, ignoring her stupid question about his facial expression.

"Yeah, he said he'd take another 15 minutes or so, they've been really busy at the shop." She answered with a slight shrug before pulling out the chair opposite him to settle down in.

"Actually, I am glad he's late," she added narrowing her eyes at him, "I wanted to have a little chat with you."

"Hmm…actually I wanted to talk to you too, so I am glad Ron's a bit late too. You go first." He answered with a small smile.

She took up his offer instantly and shot off her question with such speed that he was convinced she had been spending a lot of time thinking about it. "You are sure this time right?"

"What makes you think I am not?" He questioned back indignantly.

Her face softened and she began in a placating tone, "I don't really doubt you Harry and honestly I am happy for both of you. I just want to hear you say it. She was so miserable the last time you broke up…."

"Of course I am Hermione. I was miserable without her too." It hurt that his otherwise 'perceptive' best friend who generally understood his feelings without him having to put everything into words needed reassurance about his love for Ginny.

Maybe it was because she saw the hurt reflect in his eyes that she started justifying herself. "I know that Harry and you are my best friend; I don't want to see you that unhappy again. But, Ginny and I really close too, we've shared a lot over the years and she's Ron's sister. You know how protective he is about her and yet I had to hide how much pain Ginny was in last year from him and his family. I couldn't betray Ginny' confidence but I can't help feeling guilty for hiding so much from Ron, especially that muggle pub incident…I mean Ginny was rape…" she stopped in mid sentence, noting the look of anguish that crossed his face.

"Anyway, so what I was saying was," she continued after an uncomfortable pause, "that I feel sort of protective about her. I hope you understand, don't tell Ginny this though, she'll kill me."

"I am sorry," he sighed, "I shouldn't have reacted like that. You have every right to ask me that question. You were the one who was there for her when I hurt her. In fact I don't even know if I can ever thank you enough for being such a good friend to her…"

"Stop being a prat Harry!" She swatted his arm lightly.

He shook his head dejectedly. "I mean it, I am sorry for what I did Hermione, I almost lost her and that thought scares the shit out of me. Trust me I am never going to mess this up again…can't bear do that to her or myself for that matter."

"I believe you Harry." She said with an affectionate smile, "so, how is it going, you two seemed to have formed quite a little bubble of your own!"

"Umm…good…" he answered absently.

Everything okay?" She frowned.

"Yeah…nothing's really wrong, I am happy." He smiled tensely before continuing, "But, like I said I wanted to talk to you, there are just some small things that are bothering me. Umm...I was wondering if she has confided in you…I don't want you to betray her confidence or anything, just want your honest opinion…"

She nodded slightly encouraging him to continue.

Do you think she's happy with me?" He asked anxiously.

"Harry, she loves you, of course she is happy! I haven't seen her smile as much as she does now in over a year!" She chided him as if he were a little child who couldn't grasp the simplest facts.

He shook his head wondering how to explain to Hermione that it wasn't love that he was scared about. It was his guilt that was eating away at him. "I know that she loves me," he began taking a deep breath, "but I hurt her so much, I can't help but think she'll realize one day that I am really not worth it and honestly I know I am not. I don't know how she could forgive me because I for one can't and yet I am thankful that she decided to give me another chance….I know it makes me sound like a terribly selfish person…"

"No, Harry it just makes you human…" Hermione interjected gently.

He snorted self-deprecatingly in response, "Yeah a very selfish human…"

"Everyone is selfish Harry…"

"I don't want a lesson in human psychology Hermione!" He snapped, his represed anger finally raising its ugly head.

She pursed her lips in a thin line and glared at him. "Why are you getting all shirty with me?"

Her sharp tone got him back to his senses. There was no point fighting with Hermione, she was only trying to help him and if he were honest with himself, he really needed the help.

"I am sorry…" he replied in a somewhat placating tone, "I am just a little worried, I mean everything is good, but she's just a little distant sometimes. She refuses to tell anyone about us, she didn't even want to tell Ron you know.... and I have been wondering if she is really happy with me? Maybe I am overreacting, but I just don't want to lose her again." He ran his hands agitatedly through his hair and looked at her expectantly, hoping she'd give him a magic solution for his problems.

"Don't you think you should be asking her this, instead of me?" She asked gently.

"I want to…but I am scared we'll have a row or something.I don't want to fight with her, I don't want to give her a reason to…"

"Push you away?" Hermione finished for him.

"Yeah…" he answered in an almost childlike voice.

"Harry, how will make your relationship work if you keep treating it like it's made of glass?"

"Oi! What's made of glass?" Ron thumped his back, making him almost choke on the words he was about to mouth.

"Umm nothing…we were discussing dinner sets." Harry answered quickly and rather foolishly he thought as soon as the words he had spoken registered in his brain.

Ron gave him a well deserved incredulous look, "So much time with us Weasleys and you still haven't learnt how to fib properly mate! It's a basic survival technique."

"I have picked up the love for food from you Weasleys…it's a better trait." Harry answered, silently thanking his brain for coming up with a good enough subject to distract Ron and then quickly added to ensure Ron's attention stayed diverted, "Let's order. I am hungry."

He didn't get a chance to resume his conversation with Hermione, but before leaving she promised to meet him for lunch later that week. Bantering with Ron and listening to his two best friends bicker kept his mind off his problems for the rest of the evening and by the time he returned to his apartment he was in an almost happy mood. Unfortunately, his good mood lasted only till the following morning.

He was leafing through the morning edition of Daily Prophet while waiting for Ginny, when his eyes fell on a picture that made his heart plummet. His first reaction was shock but that quickly gave way to the jealous rage and fear. He was about to get up to floo Ginny, when she stumbled out of the fireplace.

"Hey! Morning…" she greeted him in a cheery sing song voice as she placed a little kiss on his cheek.

"What's wrong?" She asked when he did not react as she took a step back to examine him with a puzzled expression.

"What's this Gin?" He waived the paper in front of her, his voice simmering with the anger building up inside him, "I thought you were with Luna last night!"

She took the paper from him, glanced at the picture and then answered evenly, "I was with Luna, and I bumped into him at Seamus' new pub. Unlike what the caption suggests, we were just greeting each other. You of all people should know not to trust Daily Prophet's pictures blindly."

"This doesn't look like a greeting to me Gin. Looks like more he is leaning in to kiss you! Is that how the two of you greet each other?" He was surprised at the pathetic bitterness of his own voice, but he couldn't help it, it was as if everything he had feared was coming true.

She crossed her arms angrily and stared at him with a mixture of hurt, anger and incredulousness. "Harry, the picture doesn't show him kissing me does it? He is leaning in to talk to me because the music was too loud! If you need more details why don't you floo Luna or the Daily prophet reporter? Wait no, Luna may lie to you right? After all, she's my friend. Speak to the Daily Prophet woman; in any case you seem to trust her version more!"

The rational part of him knew that she was telling him the truth, but he couldn't silence the nagging taunting voice that told him that this was bound to happen! _She is lying to you because she feels sorry for you, the voice mocked him, you don't deserve her you wanker…she knows it_.

He was angry with himself for not being good enough for her and yet he wanted her to tell him that she was happy with him. The picture he knew was not the real issue, but it brought up all the pain and hurt he had been suppressing for a month.

"You know it's strange how you can't bear to hold my hand in public but you don't mind if he puts his arm around you! That says something doesn't it?" He asked her as his voice shook with the hurt that was threatening to tear his heart apart.

"Damn it Harry! She snarled as she took a step towards and punched his shoulder angrily, "Why the fuck are you so insecure? What's your problem with Jacob? Two weeks back you got all worked up about me hanging out with a group of friends that included him, now you see one silly picture and you are practically accusing me of cheating on you? Have you completely lost it? I love you, YOU, you daft prick! How can you even think I'd go around kissing blokes when I am with you?"

Instead of soothing his fears, her words only added to his frustration. He should have pulled her into his arms and apologized for acting like a berk but that was something he realized much later. At that moment all he could focus on was how much he was hurting. Every nagging doubt he had suppressed in the last one month rose its ugly head up, mocking him, pushing him to acknowledge its existence to himself and her.

He gripped her shoulders viciously as the angry words came pouring out, "Then why do you keep this…this distance from me? Why are you so scared of being seen with me? Why are you so apprehensive about telling people about us? You never had a problem being seen with him, that's twice your bloody picture has appeared with him! But you can't bear to be seen with me, right? I know I am not good enough for you Gin…but I am trying, damn it!"

To his surprise she didn't scream back at him. As his flashing green eyes met hers, he realized that hers had gone back to their soft shade of brown. She stroked his forearm gently and he felt his taut nerves relax. "Is that what it's about Harry?" She whispered after a long silence puncuated by his slighly ragged breathing.

He didn't want to see pity in her eyes, he didn't want her to feel sorry for him, so he averted his gaze away from her, loosened his grip on her shoulder. "I am sorry…" he sighed, "it's not you Gin, it's me…can't do anything about the past, but believe me I am trying to be good for you…I want to make you happy and I am scared that you'll decide that I can't…"

"You are a fool…" she shook her head and took a step forward to wrap her arms around him. It was only when he felt her warm body against his that he realized just how desperate he was for that one little gesture of affection from her. He pulled her closer and held her like a dying man holding on to his last breath. He inhaled her scent hungrily, hoping that it would help soothe the fear and hurt gnawing at his insides.

They stayed like that for several minutes, reveling in the feel of their bodies pressed together. Holding her in his arms filled him with a sense of security that he was desperate for. "I am sorry Gin…" he whispered with an almost like childlike vulnerability.

"It's okay…" she replied gently, pulling away from him a little so that she could look into his eyes, "Can we sit, I need to tell you something and it may take while…"

"Nothing bad I hope…." He asked with a small nervous smile.

"No…" She shook her head as she smiled back and ruffled his hair affectionately.

He pulled away from her reluctantly to settle on his couch and much to Ginny's amusement he insisted that she sit on his lap because he wanted to feel her close.

They sat quietly for a few moments, as he rubbed small circles on Ginny's hand with his thumb and she stared at floor, collecting her thoughts.

"I didn't know you felt so hurt about my decision not to tell anyone about us…" she looked up to meet his gaze as she started speaking, "perhaps I should have explained myself to you and not assumed that you'll understand 'why' on your own. Harry I don't want you to feel pressured. I mean Ron's your best friend, my parents and my brothers are like your only family, so I realize that being with me puts this pressure on you to make it work. Look at what happened the last time…you didn't say it, but I sometimes feel that even the pressure of being with me got to you and I don't want that to happen again...."

"Gin being with you doesn't put any pressure on me baby…I am with you because I want to…"

"I know that, but that's what you are saying today, it's only been a month since we've been back together, what if we tell everyone and my family starts interfearing or knowing my brothers what if they start asking your 'intentions' and you start feeling pressured. I want us to work, but in our own time. I want to move forward when and only if we are ready." He didn't know how she could warm his heart and break it at the same time, but she did in that moment with the way she looked at him.

He stroked her face lovingly with his thumb, hoping to erase the shadow of doubt clouding it.

"Gin…I understand now why you don't want to tell anyone, but I don't agree with it. I respect your parents and I feel guilty enough for having lied to them about our break up the last time. I know it was extremely selfish of me not to take responsibility for my actions. I didn't want to lose their love, so I let them believe your story. I made a lot of mistakes last year Gin and I don't want to repeat them. I know where I want us to go…I told you I want forever with you but I won't put any pressure on you to promise the same. I am sorry for my jealous outburst. I should have just spoken to you about it, instead of suppressing the issue for so long…"

"You still worry about Jacob?" She asked gently.

"Yeah…a little…" he answered feeling extremely small and petty.

"Why? I love you; I told you I was never serious about him. I mean he's just a friend I dated. I like him and I feel guilty about having used him, that's it, that's all I feel for him. Nothing else."

"Mhmmm…" he nodded. He wondered if he should tell her that it wasn't really her, it was infact his own guilt that made him so jealous, but he knew that would bring up the muggle pub incident. He still couldn't bring himself to call it what it was and he wasn't in a frame of mind to deal with more pain. So, he stayed quiet, putting the issue off for another day.

"Do, you want me to tell my family that we are together?" She asked after a moment's hesitation.

"I would like to because I don't want to sneak around and lie to them. You don't have to worry about me feeling pressured because I know what I want, but I would understand if you don't want to. I mean I am sure you wouldn't want to answer questions about us until you are sure." He answered trying hard to mask the tinge of disappointment in his voice.

He could see the apparent distress on her face as she opened her mouth to speak. "Harry, it's not that I am not sure whether I want to be with you or not. I want to, I really do and I trust you when you tell me that you want to be with me, but I learnt last year that there is a huge difference between what we want and what we get, so I don't want to raise my expectations or hopes too much. I want to see how things go between us….I want to tell my family, but I need sometime. I have not quite figured out how to answer their questions yet. I hope you understand." She finished looking at his face searchingly.

Those words would have hurt him a lot had her eyes not been so full of hope. He was willing to give her anything she wanted. He knew he could go to any length to make her happy and if time was what she needed or wanted, he'd give her that, no matter how many months or years it took, he would wait happily.

"I do Gin…" He leaned in slightly so that foreheads were touching and then murmured softly against her lips, "take as long as you want, I can wait."

He sensed her sharp intake of breath and before he knew, he felt her soft warm tongue on his lips. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, but his surprise quickly gave way to simmering passion as he opened his mouth to allow her entry. Her kisses had always been intoxicating, but this one went beyond everything he had experienced with her ever since they had gotten back together. It was as is she was pouring in months of repressed passion and longing into that one kiss. It was a kiss of promise. He could feel her love, fear, desire and hope as she moved her mouth hungrily over his. He tried desperately to hold on to his self-control, but it was slipping away from his grasp with every sensuous stroke of her tongue. His hands found their way to her bare thighs, the softness of her skin under his rough calloused hands threw every rational thought out of his mind and he found his tongue battling against hers to wrest control of the kiss. One hand moved up her shirt to cup he breast and the other stealthily sneaked it's way up her loose boy shorts. It was only when his fingers came in contact with soft wet skin that the reality of what he was doing hit him. He pulled his traitorous hand away as if it had been burnt and broke the kiss trying hard to regain control over his senses.

He felt a red flush creep up his skin as he shifted on the couch trying unsuccessfully to pull his lower body away from hers and muttered between ragged breaths, "Sorry…got carried away….you…you weren't wearing…."

"Yeah…not your fault….I…started it…" She replied panting as hard as him.

"Umm….no…I just said I'd wait….and then I ….did that…"

To his surprise she giggled. "You know we are acting like we are 16 again!"

"Umm…yeah….sorry… could you umm get up?" He asked nervously.

She looked at him with a puzzled expression, but realized what he meant when he attempted to shift again. "Oh!" she giggled again, "Umm sorry…"

"Sorry…" he mumbled again, not daring to look at her directly.

"Harry, it's okay," She said sobering up as she moved to his side on the couch, "We've done a lot more than that….what am I saying? We've made love for Merlin's sake, so it's natural to get carried away. I really appreciate you giving me so much time to get comfortable with everything again." She took his hand in hers, tugged at it to make him look at her and added with a mischievous smile, "Next time I'll wear knickers and you know I am okay with feeling under the clothes and everything."

"Gin…you aren't making this easy right now…" He said in a strangled voice, pointing to his shorts.

"Oh!" She replied grinning, "Sorry!"

"I can see how sorry you are!" He answered with mock pout.

"Aw! Sorry Drama Queen." She gave him a little peck, turning his pout into a happy smile. "By the way Luna knows."

"You told her?" He asked his happy smile still in place.

"No, she guessed, said something about my Harry glow!".

"Oh!" He said his smile getting wider by the moment, "You don't mind?"

"No, it's okay. I was thinking of telling her anyway, she doesn't ask too many questions."

Authors' note- Here goes another chapter. As usual I wanted to cover a lot more in this, but I guess I am just a terrible planner. The chapters always seem shorter in my head! I had acually thought I was going to wind this story up in 10 chapters and I am on the 12th one and still a few chapters away from 'The End'. Anyway, so I have decided not to say anything about what I am planning to include in the next chapter because my plans are always unrealistic:)

Review please and let me know what you guys think. Btw, quite a few of you have added the story to your favorites/alert list after the last chapter, I'd like to hear from you. Review Alert mails always please me more than Favorite story or Story Alert ones:)


	13. Chapter 13

They hadn't been able to find time for lunch, so Hermione had asked him to come over to her place on the weekend. She had kicked Ron out of the house and told him to spend sometime at George's because she wanted to talk to him alone. He was sure Ron wouldn't have agreed without getting all nosey and whiney, but he knew Hermione had a way of getting Ron to do exactly what she wanted him to.

Though he was feeling slightly better about Ginny and his relationship, guilt still weighed heavily on him and his insecurity hadn't left him completely either. How could it? He knew Ginny wanted things to work between them, but as she had admitted herself, she wasn't sure if they would. He didn't know how much Hermione could or would tell him but he felt she'd be able to fill some gaps about the past year that could help him understand Ginny's fears better.

They talked about work and random subjects for a while before Hermione abruptly came to the point.

"Harry, I know you didn't come here to do random chit chat, we left our conversation unfinished the other day…did you talk to Ginny?"

"Yeah…" He answered biting his lower lip, "actually things are better, but there are just some things I want to know about last year and I was hoping you'd be able to tell me…"

"Like?"

"Ummm…the night Ginny and I got back together, she told me how hard the break up had been for her and I kind of reacted really badly… " he screwed up his nose and pushed is spectacles back, before continuing in a voice laden with apparent pain and anguish, "we have talked a lot after that and she has told me general stuff about last year but she has never mentioned that entire muggle pub episode again…I…I want to know if there was something more…you were with her at Neville's…how bad was it?"

"What did she tell you?" Hermione asked gently.

"Don't ask me to repeat it Hermione." He pleaded.

"She told you she tried to tell him to stop and he didn't…" Hermione asked looking at him directly in the eye.

"Yeah…" he mumbled swallowing a lump in his throat.

"So you know what happened to her …" she exhaled audibly, "when I met her she was almost okay physically at least, I mean she had healed most of her bruises…"

"He hit her?" He asked clenching his fists barely able to control the blinding rage Hermione's words had sparked off in his system.

Hermione sighed and placed and squeezed his arm, "Harry, both of them were drunk…by the time she tried to stop him, they were probably too far gone…I know it's hard to accept but what happened wasn't really consensual…she was forced…"

He pulled his hand away from her roughly as his face contorted with the pain he was trying to suppress. "I know that Hermione! The damned thought kills me everyday! It was my fucking fault that it happened to her…"

She looked at him quietly for a few moments and then resumed talking in the same gentle tone. "Harry, not everything is your fault. You have to realize that sometimes we make mistakes and fate brings us consequences that we don't deserve. She shouldn't have gotten drunk and checked into a hotel room with someone she did not know, but that doesn't mean that the guy was justified in forcing himself on her. You shouldn't have hurt her the way you did, but you realize it now and that's a good thing. What she did because of your actions wasn't something that you could have controlled."

"Hermione, why didn't you tell me anything? I used to ask you about her so often." He asked her, his voice breaking with hurt.

She shook her head a little before answering, "You know her, she didn't want us to and honestly even if I had what would you have done? You weren't even sure of your feelings for her then and it wasn't as if you were even on friendly terms at that point of time." Despite the soft look in her eyes he could sense a sharp edge in her voice as she said the last part.

"I wanted her in my life even after we broke up…she was the one who didn't want me around!" He cried defensively.

"What did you expect her to tell you Harry, that she'd love to be around to watch you move on? Anyway it wasn't as if you bothered to write to her either."

"I was only respecting her wishes Hermione. I was bloody miserable without her in my life," he yelled exasperatedly, "I scanned the daily prophet almost everyday since the day we broke up for any news about her, I wrote her notes only to tear them away because I didn't know how she'd react, I was so desperate I even went to her matches in London just to be able to see her!"

"But despite the misery you didn't try to get her back, right?" She asked calmly, ignoring his outburst.

"I…I wanted to be hundred per cent sure before I said anything to her and I was scared…" he trailed off miserably.

She raised her eyebrows questioningly, "So, even if I had you'd have probably just come back to her out of guilt, what good would that have done? She wouldn't have taken you back; you may not have realized how strongly you felt for her."

"I like to believe I would have figured out anyway…" He mumbled gruffly.

"But we don't know if you would have. You can't change the past Harry, what's happened has happened. Feeling guilty about it or self pity won't do you any good. Take it in your stride and move on, if you want your relationship to work."

"It's easy for you to say it Hermione, I am the one who has to live with it everyday! I love her with everything I have and I can see in her eyes that she doesn't trust me completely…it bloody hurts so much." He squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening to spill out. He couldn't…he wasn't going to cry in front of Hermione.

"Harry, she really does love you and you have hurt her quite a bit, unintentionally mostly, but you do realize you have rejected her a lot of times. What she went through after the break-up made her feel really week and vulnerable and she obviously doesn't want to feel like that again…you can't blame her for that, can you?"

"How bad was it Hermione…you were there with her…I need to know…" He asked after a few quiet moments, finally gathering the courage to hear the answer.

She pursed her lips and looked at the floor thoughtfully before finally saying the last words he wanted to hear from her, "umm…I don't know…but I am not feeling very good about discussing all this with you."

"Hermione…" he pleaded, "please I am not asking you to betray her confidence, I just want the details she left out…"

"Maybe there was a reason; she'd have told you if she wanted to…" Hermione trailed off.

"I told you, I reacted badly when she told me…I…I cried all over her like a sissy idiot…she won't tell me now and I know it's too painful for her to discuss all this…just tell me stuff that will help me understand her better…please Hermione I want to make it work with her..."

"Alright…"she sighed resignedly, "I don't know how this well help you though; she was really upset, wasn't one of the best phases her life. Neville and I talked to her a lot, one of us would stay up the night with her…the first 3-4 days were tough, she was down with fever, she hardly slept and when she did she would get up in the middle of the night and cry. But then she's is Ginny!" She said with a proud smile, "you can't keep her down for too long. She started talking about going back by the end of the week and when she got Gweong's owl the next day, it finally gave her hope that if she tried she could actually get her life back on track. I couldn't go and visit her often in Paris, but I called regularly after she went back, Neville went to visit her a few times. He told me she was better but not completely herself. Honestly it's only now that we have started seeing a bit of the old Ginny again…" She opened her mouth to say something else but then decided against it and exhaled audibly, "I am sorry, that's all I can tell you without feeling guilty."

He stared at the floor morosely for a few minutes. He knew Hermione was leaving out a few things, she had merely added a few more details to what Ginny had told him, but her words confirmed his suspicion that she had endured a lot more pain that she let on.

* * *

One month later….

The fact that he had Ginny back had finally started sinking in. They were making slow and steady progress in their relationship, she had started acting a lot more like her old self, much to his delight the random hugs and pecks had become more frequent and what made him even happier was the he could make her smile and laugh a lot more.

He was, however, still very confused about the physical aspect of their relationship, though she had told him she was comfortable with the kind of intimacy they had been developing, he sensed she wasn't as comfortable with how far he went sometimes as she pretended to be. So, he had stopped initiating things on his own and always gave her the chance to make the first move. What was confusing him the most, however, was the fact that while she never asked him to stop, she didn't ever protest when he did on his own accord.

He was sure he knew the real reason for her behavior and after the talk with Hermione he made up his mind to talk to her about it, but even after a month he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it.

Telling her parents was another issue that was still bothering him. So far he had avoided facing it head on by working late on the day Molly had invited the entire family over for lunch. He had done that several times while he and Ginny were broken up. During the time that Ginny and he had not been on speaking terms, he had gone over to the burrow once or twice hoping she'd be there too, but when he realized she skipped lunch with her own parents because of him, he started making excuses not to go for the Weasley family dinners. He'd make up for it by visiting Molly on a week day on and off, but had stopped doing that as well during what Ron and Hermione called his 'brooding phase'.

Post that Molly and Arthur had spent a couple of months in Romania, so thankfully there hadn't been too many invites to avoid. Now, however, he didn't have an option. Ron had come bouncing into his office two days back telling him that he was going to propose to Hermione on Sunday before lunch and he wanted his whole family there.

He had been extremely happy for his friends, but he couldn't deny that he did feel a twinge of jealousy. After all, Ron was soon going to have what he so desperately wanted in his own life.

To say he was nervous about his visit to the burrow would have been an understatement. They hadn't been out with people other than Ron and Hermione since they had gotten back. The thought of being in the same room as her under the watchful eyes of her brothers and Molly and pretending to be nothing but exes who had recently become friends again was nerve wracking to say the least.

Despite knowing beforehand how Ginny was going to behave, he felt a little hurt when she greeted him with only a cool hello, but he decided to ignore it and focus getting through the afternoon without making a fool of himself. In his opinion was managing quite well with only an occasional lingering glance at her, till the time a positively glowing Hermione and a smugly happy Ron apparated in the middle of the living room.

The entire Weasley household broke into chaos within moments. He watched Hermione run straight to Ginny squealing like a little girl, in all these years he hadn't seen his sensible best friend act like that! Within moments they were joined by Molly and Fleur and the only words that were registering in his brain were ring and wedding punctuated by the sounds loud squeals and laughter. He knew he had always been treated like a part of the family but at that moment he couldn't help but feel like an outsider.

He had known what was going to happen today and he was truly happy for his friends and adopted family, but he couldn't suppress the longing he felt as he watched Ginny hug her brother and Hermione. It could have been Ginny running to Hermione with his ring on her finger, he thought as his heart clenched painfully, they could have been planning their wedding now, had he not been such a fool. Now, thanks to him, they were still 'working' on their relationship, her family still didn't know about them, she was still just his girlfriend…the word itself was too damned frivolous to describe what he felt for her!

His eyes lingered on her as she joined her brothers in teasing Ron; he wondered if she'd look as flushed and happy as Hermione the day he'd get down on his knee to propose to her. _That is if she says yes, _the still insecure part of his brain sneered at him.

"Harry, stop ogling at her, you are making your feelings rather obvious and by the way don't you think you should congratulate me and Ron….you can do your ogling once you get out of here!" Hermione whacked his head playfully.

"Sorry…I just kind of zoned out for a minute." He grinned sheepishly and leaned in to give Hermione a massive bear hug, "I am so happy for you…" he said feeling stupidly emotional as he pulled away.

"You'll have this day too Harry, she'll come around." She said patting his shoulder. It was almost scary how Hermione could see through him at times. He simply nodded in response, not bothering to make even a futile attempt at denial.

"Oi! Hermione is not getting married to herself, how about congratulating me mate!" Ron called out from the other end of the room, making his fiance giggle rather uncharacteristically.

After several rounds of hugging and typical Weasley teasing, they finally settled down for lunch. Ginny sat down next to Fleur and he had a hard time concentrating on his food. He couldn't help it, his eyes wanted to seek her out every few minutes, he wanted to take her home and hug her to reassure himself that they would have this day too. He tried to catch her eye several times during lunch, but she maintained her distance and that just added to his desperation.

After lunch he politely excused himself to get out for some much needed fresh air. He had promised her that he'd wait and he was willing to. It was just that Ron and Hermione's engagement had made his loss more evident in his eyes. They had what he so desperately wanted for himself and Ginny and what was killing him was the fact that he could have actually had it by now if he had not fucked things up so badly. The forced distance between them and the 'pretending to be just exes' act was making him even more miserable.

He walked past the backyard and slumped against what used to be his favorite tree. He just wanted a few quiet moments to compose himself, so that he could go back in and pretend that he was okay. He wanted to make her happy and if carrying on this charade in front of her parents was what she wanted he'd give it to her.

"Ginny, come here and help me!" Molly's voice made him flinch. He didn't want her to see him sitting alone and brooding, so he hunched a little under the tree to ensure that he could conceal himself behind the flowery bush that lined the backyard.

"Mum! I know you want to talk to me, don't make these chore excuses! What did I do now?" His ears peaked as he heard Ginny's voice.

"I was just wondering if you know why Harry was looking so distressed?" The mention of his name and the fact that Molly had seen through him made his face grow hot as a red flush started creeping up his neck.

"How do I know mum? Ask Ron." Ginny answered sounding a little too indifferent to his ears.

"Well, I am asking you because the poor boy kept looking at you with such a forlorn expression, it almost broke my heart. Is there something going on between you two again?" He realized that he was eavesdropping on a private conversation and an embarrassing one (for him) at that, but he wanted to hear Ginny's answer, so he stayed put instead of making a quiet escape.

"I don't know what you are talking about mum. Maybe he was just generally brooding and I happened to be in his line of sight." She answered evasively.

There was a pause and he was sure Molly was probably looking at her daughter with narrowed eyes and if he knew Ginny, she was probably mirroring the expression.

"Fine, I won't push you if you don't want to tell me. But I can see the boy is hurting Ginny, if it has got something to do with you, maybe you should find out, you owe him that much." Guilt had become constant companion to him and hearing Molly's word made feel his companion's presence even more strongly.

"Fine! Can I go now?" He could sense Ginny's irritation with the tone she used and he wondered if it was Molly or him she was irritated with.

"Yeah, just go and fetch Harry. I think he went out for a walk, I have packed some stuff for him, god knows the boy needs to eat more!"

"You don't give up ever do you mum?" He heard Ginny's fading voice and he could make out that she had already started walking out to look for him.

He didn't want to her to catch him hiding behind the bush in their backyard, so he decided to apparate to the pond a few feet away. The slightly longer walk back he figured would also give him a few extra moments with Ginny.

"There you are!" He heard her voice within moments of apparating by the pond. "Why have you been brooding so much? Everyone's been asking me about you!" She huffed as she tugged impatiently at his shirt sleeve.

"Sorry…" he replied morosely as he turned to face her. Perhaps his reaction was illogical but the impatience in Ginny's tone hurt him a lot.

"Harry, you said you are okay with not telling my parents and brothers for a while, why have you been acting like this then?" She asked with apparent exasperation.

"I said I am sorry Gin, won't happen again." He answered trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

She looked at his face searchingly and then shook her head. "I really can't deal with this right now. Ron and Hermione are throwing a party tonight at Seamus' pub, all our school friends and my brothers are going to be there, they have just started sending out owls. Will you be able to act normal at least in the evening?"

_Just what I needed_ he groaned internally. He had been looking forward to spending the evening with Ginny, he was supposed to leave for an Auror mission the next bloody day and now after this disastrous afternoon he was going to be forced to spend another torturous evening watching her from a distance. He knew he shouldn't be reacting the way he was, but he just couldn't help feeling disappointed and bitter with her tone, especially in the current circumstances.

"I don't know what you mean by normal Ginny, but I'll behave like a cordial ex and not come anywhere close to you if that's what you want!"

"Harry, we've already had this discussion, I don't like sneaking around and this lunch hasn't been easy for me either, but we decided upon something! Why are you making things so difficult?" She asked with evident irritation.

"I am sorry Gin, trust me I won't give you any trouble tonight." He said averting his eyes away from her face.

"Harry, stop acting like this!" She tugged at his shirt sleeve again.

"Will you be coming home with me for a while?" He turned back to her with the smallest hint of hope in his voice.

"No, I have to go shopping with Hermione; she wants to pick up a muggle dress to wear tonight." She answered with a small regretful smile.

He slumped dejectedly and muttered with apparent lack of enthusiasm. "Oh! Alright. So, I'll see you at the pub then."

She took a step forward and held his hand gently, "Don't be such a baby Harry. It's only one evening."

"Yeah, and I am leaving tomorrow and I won't see you for two or maybe even three bloody weeks! It isn't just any evening…" He almost whined and he knew he sounded pathetically juvenile.

"I was thinking about that too, so I figured we'll sneak out early and meet at your apartment…." She trailed off as she looked at him hopefully.

"Yeah, that sounds good." He said his face finally breaking into a small but genuine smile.

"Come on in now. Mum has packed some food for her favorite son." She looked around and then quickly gave him a peck on the cheek, before turning on her heel and making a hand gesture asking him to follow her inside.

* * *

His mood hadn't really improved much since the afternoon. He had even tried to watch a muggle thriller to distract himself, but it hadn't really worked. What was worse was that he felt terribly selfish and petty about being envious of his best friends. His nervousness about the party hadn't eased much either. Though he had promised Ginny he would act 'normal', but after the disastrous afternoon, he didn't really know how to handle himself.

Hermione was the first one who came to greet him as soon as he entered the noisy pub. "You look great!" He almost screamed at her over the music.

"Thanks! Wait till you see Ginny!" She winked at him. Fortunately or unfortunately he didn't have to wait long as within moments he spotted her standing by the bar chatting animatedly with Neville. His mouth went dry and he knew then that he was in for an excruciating evening. Even from a distance she looked breathtaking in her short strapless emerald green dress. He knew he had promised to keep a distance from her, but he just had to go and hold in his arms even if it was for a few moments. He wanted to do a lot more in fact, if he was honest to himself, but hugging was the only friendly alternative he could think of.

"Hey!" He greeted her as he put his arm around her to pull her in for a 'platonic' hug. With a superhuman effort he kept his eyes from raking over her body and his hand from feeling her bum.

"Hey! You are late!" She told him as she pulled away.

"Yeah…sorry. Hi! Neville." He turned to his ex-school mate and greeted him with the standard one arm hug.

"Good to see you Harry. It's been ages." He noticed that though Neville was polite and cordial, his tone was slightly cold.

"Yeah. I have been busy." He answered trying to keep his nervousness at bay as he realized the reason for Neville's coldness.

"By the way, congrats! Ginny told me about you and Hannah." He fumbled a little on his words in his hurry to find a topic to avoid any awkwardness.

"Thanks. I decided to hold on to a good thing when I knew I had one." Neville answered pointedly with a polite smile.

His words were meant to hurt and they did in the worst possible way. But before he could dwell on his guilt and shame and make the situation even more awkward, Ginny gave him an excuse to leave without feeling more uncomfortable.

"Umm, Harry! Ron and George have been asking about you since the party started. Go and show them your face before they send out a search party for you." Ginny patted his shoulder encouragingly as she sent a murderous glare towards Neville.

"Yeah. See you around Neville." He smiled tensely at him, before making his way towards the corner tables where he saw a group of redheads.

"You are an idiot!" He heard Ginny almost scream at Neville, as he was walking away from them.

Shaking his head he prepared himself for a long and awful evening. But, if he had known how awful the next two hours were going to be for him, he might have prepared himself better or walked out of the pub right then.

He couldn't deny it felt nice to see all his Hogwarts mates again, but the feeling of jealousy that hit him every time he spotted a couple with their arms around each other, took away that little nostalgic joy that the evening had brought him. He wanted to hold Ginny so badly, but all he could do was watch her from afar as she flit about from group to group chatting and laughing with everyone. Their eyes met several times, she would always send an understanding smile his way and he thought he saw look of longing in her eyes too, but he couldn't be sure.

She was attractive and while he couldn't stand anyone leering at he was used to the appreciative glances she got from men. Right now, however, when he himself was one of those just looking longingly at her the glances she was getting from some of the men were only adding to his annoyance.

While catching up with Luna, Dean and Seamus, had kept him distracted for the first half hour, his mood got darker as the evening progressed. It wasn't fair that she was laughing and talking with everyone but him. True they were supposed to behave like 'exes on friendly terms', but in his opinion she was overdoing it. She seemed to have no problem chatting and laughing with Dean and it irritated him to no end that she wasn't bothering to extend at least that courtesy to him!

Eventually, he gave up every pretense of having a good time to find a dark corner where he could sit alone. His eyes kept searching her out, no matter how hard he tried to keep his gaze fixed on his drink or blank space.

"Stop brooding mate, you have been doing it since the morning!" Ron thumped his back as he made space for himself next to him.

"Shut it! I am not brooding." He answered scowling at his drink.

"Yeah, you are not brooding when you are leering at my sister." Ron snorted tipsily.

"I am not leering Ron."

"Pfft! Please, trust me if you guys are still trying to hide the fact that you are seeing each other from everyone, you mate are doing a very shoddy job of it." Ron wagged his finger at him airily.

"Ron how many drinks have you had?" Harry asked his face finally cracking into a small amused smile.

"Oh! Just a few muggle beers and a few shots of this muggle drink called tequila. I am sure dad would love this pub, Seamus has sooo much muggle stuff!"

"You are drunk." Harry pronounced with a small lopsided grin.

"And you are brooding." Ron pronounced imitating him.

"Ron," his heart missed a beat as he heard Ginny' voice, "Hermione wants you on the dance floor, now!"

"Yeah okay, get this bugger on the dance floor too," Ron mock whispered to Ginny, "he has been brooding because you have been ignoring him."

Ginny shook his head as she watched him sway towards the dance floor and then turned to him. "Why have you been sitting in this corner since the last one hour scowling at everyone?"

"You know why!" He replied sullenly.

"I don't believe this! You are acting like a right prat again."

"Fine, go back to ignoring me then!" He answered with an almost childish petulance.

She exhaled audibly and then offered her hand to him with a small smile, "come, let's dance."

He was about to take her up on the offer despite his pride, when the band suddenly switched to a slow romantic song.

She looked back at the dance floor and grimaced, "I guess we'll have to wait for the next song then."

"Yeah", he answered as he felt a jolt of irrational anger cruise through his veins, "you would obviously not want to dance with me on _that_."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Harry you know I want to, but I don't want any more people asking me, if something going on between the two of us. I've already had to answer enough questions thanks to you!"

"Thanks to me!" He hissed, "What do you want me to do Gin? Flirt with women here? Not look at you? You told me to keep a distance from you I did that! What more do you want from me?"

"Ginny! Come here I want you to meet someone." He had never disliked Neville and even understood his former school mate's lack of trust in him, but at that moment he wanted to punch him for his fucked up timing.

"Neville, not right now please." Ginny turned towards the 'intruder' and he could sense a tinge of exasperation in her tone, but Neville either didn't get that or pretended not to.

"Oh! Come on, this guy is a huge Harpies fan and has been pestering me to introduce you to him. He is quite good looking bloke Ginny, won't hurt you to meet him." He added looking at Harry meaningfully.

"Neville!" Ginny cried making her irritation evident.

"Come on he is Hannah's cousin and we just bumped into him here. Just come and make some small talk with him okay." Neville continued relentlessly.

"Fine!" She huffed as she allowed Neville to pull her towards the other end of the pub. She looked back at him and mouthed a silent, "I'll be back" to him, but that didn't do anything to soothe his growing frustration and anger.

The evening was turning out to be far worse than he had anticipated, he just wanted to go back home with Ginny, he wanted to be somewhere alone with her, somewhere he wouldn't have to pretend, somewhere where they would be no Neville or good looking bloody besotted fans!

"Hey! Fancy seeing you here!" He groaned internally as soon as he heard the voice. He was in no mood to make small talk with anyone, especially someone whose momentary presence in his life had brought him so much grief.

"Hi! Mia." He said flatly.

"Don't get to see you in office these days, I know I am in a different department now but you can at least drop in to say hello, for old time's sake." She said as she plonked herself next to him.

He shifted uneasily to create some space between them and scanned the pub looking for an escape route. "Yeah. I have been busy."

"You seem to be in a terrible mood! Want to dance or something to cheer yourself up?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Thanks for the offer Mia, but I am not in the mood," he was trying to be polite, but she was making it increasingly difficult. She had never been too clingy and he wondered why she was trying so hard to flirt with him now!

"Ouch! You really are in a sour mood! Anyway, call me sometime if you feel like it, I have been thinking about you." She said cheerfully as she leaned in to plant a parting kiss on his cheek.

"Umm…Mia I am seeing someone." He answered slightly taken aback by the sudden display of affection.

"Oh! Really?" She pouted tipsily, "I was hoping we could get together sometime. Anyway, see you around then and just in case you change your mind let me know." She winked cheekily.

He breathed a sigh of relief as she walked off and started scanning the pub to look for Ginny. He finally spotted her dancing with Dean and that turned out to be the last straw. He wasn't jealous of Dean, not anymore, but what irked him was that she had promised to come back to speak to him and there she was dancing away without a care in the world.

"Damn the party!" He muttered to himself, he had endured enough. He stormed out of the pub without saying goodbye to anyone; he just wasn't in the mood to explain his sudden departure and apparated back to his apartment.

He didn't remember when was the last time he had felt so incensed! As he walked towards the bedroom he tripped on his own hastily thrown shoe and that simply added to his vexation. He punched the wall of his room hard to let out some steam and groaned loudly as his fist crunched painfully against the hard gravel. _This just wasn't his day_.

He slumped on the bed pressing his injured hand with the other and cursed himself, Neville, Mia and Dean for fucking up his evening so badly! He was supposed to sneak out early with Ginny but that plan had gone kaput and how! Now, he'd be spending the rest of the night alone and leave without even seeing her the next morning for at least two fucking weeks! _Maybe you should go back and drag her back here, _he told himself. He was still contemplating the feasibility of his desperate plan, when he heard a faint pop in his living room. His heart missed a beat; the wards allowed only Ginny to apparate straight into his living room.

"Harry! You in there?" He heard her agitated voice.

"Yeah…come in…I am here in the bedroom."

"Why did you leave like that?" Her tone was soft but he could sense an undercurrent of anger.

"I couldn't stand being there anymore." He answered without looking at her.

"Why?"

"You know why Gin! Tonight, in fact this whole day has been awful. I hated not being able to hold you or touch you, I hated watching you from a distance…I hated watching you dance with Dean…I hated it when you told me you couldn't dance with me when the band played that damned romantic song…I hated being at the burrow and not being able to hold your hand under the table…you told me you'd come back for me after that idiot Neville dragged you away, but you didn't…you went of dance with bloody Thomas!" He blurted out everything that had been bothering him, he knew he sound whiney but he was just too irritated to care.

She studied him quietly for a few moments and then joined him on the bed without speaking a word.

"What?" He asked sourly.

She scowled at her nails for a few moments before answering him. "It wasn't easy for me either, I kept getting mad at you because I was getting so frustrated with this pretending to be just bloody exes business and you were getting so obvious that it made it easy for me blame it all on you. Mum asked me what's wrong with you, Bill and Fleur asked if were back together and the worst was Neville, the prat got all overprotective like my brothers and insisted on saving me from you vile intentions! The idiot actually tried to hook me up with Hannah's cousin!"

He noticed her voice started getting more and more troubled as she spoke, "So, I told him we were back together, he didn't look too thrilled but it shut him up. I think I'll have to have a chat with him in a day or two though. Anyway, I was coming back to talk to you but then I saw you sitting with her…"

"Mia?" he interrupted hastily, "Gin I swear it was nothing, she just appeared out of the blue and started flirting, I told her I wasn't interested…I swear Gin…"

"I figured that out five minutes ago. When I saw you talking to her, I just sort of lost it for a while, I was going out for some fresh air, when Dean caught me and dragged me to the dance floor. I didn't want to create a scene so I danced with him for a minute or so and when I turned to your stupid corner, I realized you weren't there! I almost panicked and thought you had left with her, I didn't want to believe it honestly, so I just apparated here to check if you had come back home…" she trailed off miserably.

"You thought I went off with her?" He asked in a small hurt voice.

"I am sorry…it was a spur of the moment reaction. I know you didn't have anything serious with her but I now understand how you feel about Jacob, in my mind I almost lost you to her…even though you know I didn't…I am sorry Harry, I should have trusted you more."

Her lack of trust hurt but it also made him realize how similarly insecure the two of them still were and all that he wanted in that moment was to take that insecurity away from her, he knew how much it hurt.

He scooted towards her and took her soft warm hand in his, "It's okay, I understand. I have been there too."

"Thanks." She murmured softly.

He stared at her reverently for a few moments and then leaned in to plant a little kiss on the tip of her nose, "you look gorgeous today, you know."

"Thanks" she blushed, "you look quite amazing too… I had such a hard time keeping my eyes off you today."

It was his turn to blush and he smiled almost cockily before leaning in to plant another kiss, this time a chaste one on her lips. "Thank you." He felt most of his frustration melt away as he gazed into her gorgeous brown eyes, his thumb caressed the smooth skin of her face and he sighed contentedly for the first time in the day.

"I love you…" he breathed as buried his face in her soft silky hair, "I wanted to hold you so badly tonight. I know I behaved like a git today, but it just hurt so much to stay away from you. You know as horrid as this evening was it made me realize what kind of life I had almost created for myself. I don't know what I'd have done if I had to live like this, always watching you from a distance, knowing I wasn't allowed to do anything more…it would have killed me…"

"I am sorry for putting you through this Harry…" She stroked his back soothingly, "I have been thinking about telling my family, maybe I will by the time you come back. This lying business is turning out to be far too complicated, especially with you being so obvious!" He thought he sensed a hint of affection as she uttered the last part but he wasn't sure.

"Gin, "he said pulling away a little to look at her, "you don't have to do that because of me. I promise I'll behave better the next time. I acted like an idiot today because we went out like this for the first time I guess and I am leaving tomorrow….I won't act like this again….promise." He carefully avoided mentioning Ron and Hermione's engagement as a reason, she had told him she wasn't ready to discuss the future and saying he wasn't sure how she'd take his admission about worrying about it.

She gave him an amused smile and ruffled his hair lightly. "It's okay, you may not have to at least at the Burrow…I am not feeling very good about lying to them."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his smile growing with every passing second.

"Yeah…" she answered her smile matching his. "Anyway, I should be going, you have to leave early morning tomorrow, right?"

"Umm…it's not too early, I have to catch a portkey at 11 from the ministry." He paused and licked his lips nervously before going to ask what he had been hoping to since the beginning of evening, "Gin, can you stay over tonight? I won't be able to see you for a while…we'll just sleep, I...I promise I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable…"

"Umm…shall I go back to my apartment and fetch my clothes?" She asked him biting her lower lip in an attempt to conceal her amusement at his nervousness.

It took him a moment to register that she was actually saying yes and when his brain caught on he smiled so widely that he was afraid his face would split into two. "You can wear my clothes, like you used to…"

"Hmm and never return them; I still have quite a collection of Harry clothes." She replied smiling impishly.

"You still have those…?"

"Yeah", she replied blushing prettily and averted her gaze from him.

"You…you kept them….after everything I did last year?" He asked, his voice a strange mix of guilt and awe.

She didn't look back to meet his searching eyes and he noticed her blush deepened even further to almost match the color of her hair. "I didn't know if we'd ever get back together and they were your clothes…they smelled like you…" she screwed up her nose in a way that he found adorable, "I know it's silly but having them made me feel I still had at least some part of you…"

It was moments like this that made him fall in love with her over and over again. Sadness, guilt and an overwhelming sense of deep intense love, her words made him feel so many things at once, that he could do nothing but stare at her adoringly. With a sigh he pulled her closer and molded his lips into hers. As he caressed her soft mouth tenderly with his tongue he poured his soul into her. He had already promised her forever and with that soft passionate kiss he sealed the deal. No matter what the future held, he knew he would always belong to her, he had already given her everything he had…his heart, his soul, his love, it was hers forever, whether she wanted to keep it or not.

"Gin," he whispered against her lips as they pulled away from each other when the need for air became too intense to ignore, "one day I'll make you forget every ounce of pain I have put you through…just be with me okay. Don't give up on me please…"

She looked back at him with so much love that he felt his hear almost explode with happiness. Maybe she wasn't ready to put her commitment down in words but the kiss she gave him told him everything he needed to know.

Having her in his arms felt so wonderful that he didn't want to let go, he pulled her closer after she broke the kiss and started planting soft but hungry kisses on down her neck. As the familiar flush of lust started creping up his body, he felt her push him against the bed rest. He inhaled sharply as she straddled him, unbuttoned his shirt and stared peppering his neck and chest with hot erotic kisses. It was perhaps the only encouragement he needed to slip his hands up her dress. He caressed her satin soft body frantically trying to memorize every contour and curve. They were both slightly tipsy and he knew if he went any further he would find it hard to stop himself, but his body was hell bent on following its own agenda.

He licked, nipped and bit the exposed skin of her shoulders and neck hungrily, trying to taste as much of her as her could as his hands tugged at her dress with a desperate urgency to reveal more of her soft creamy skin.

His need for her quickly overpowered the insistent voice of his conscience as he pressed his lower body against hers and almost lost his head when she responded by grinding against him seductively. Lust won out in the desperate battle raging in his mind, he didn't know when and how his shirt came off, his jeans was already unbuttoned and the only thing he could focus on was getting the dress off her body. In one swift motion he flipped her on her back pulled her dress down roughly. As his eyes raked over her body possessively, he realized that she wasn't just whimpering with pleasure she was shivering.

The shock of the realization jolted his conscience up from its lust induced coma. Every warning he had been ignoring hit him like a bludger in the stomach as he stared at her with growing consternation.

"Don't stop…." He heard her trembling voice.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath steeling himself to do what he knew was right. "Gin…I am sorry….I should have known…you are not ready….we can't….not now…" he panted, his voice breaking with weight of the guilt that was crushing him.

"I didn't ask you stop….did I?"

….to be continued

_Author's note- Phew! That was the longest chapter I have written so far and it is still not complete!!! You'll have to wait a while to read the next part though, sorry :( Even this one would have taken longer had my darling husband not volunteered to help me finish some office work on his off day, so that I could finish writing this chapter. Anyways, let me know what you think? I was quite excited about this one and I hope it has turned out well…even if it hasn't please let me know (but not rudely please, I invested a lot of time and effort in this one). If you spot any mistakes, please let me know, I don't have a beta and I may have missed somethings thanks to the length of this chapter._


	14. Chapter 14

"I didn't tell you to stop, did I?"

For a moment he didn't know how to react, it was evident that she had not been comfortable with how far he had taken things and yet she was asking him not to stop!

He placed one had gently on her bare shoulder, but removed it hastily when she flinched at his touch. "Gin…you are shivering baby…you don't want this, not right now at least and I…"

"And you know what I want?" She snarled before he could finish what he was saying.

He was more shocked than hurt at her sudden outburst. He stared at her dumbly, not knowing how to react.

She got up to a sitting position and covered herself with the duvet, resolutely avoiding looking into his panic stricken eyes. He searched her face with growing desperation, looking for a clue that would tell him how to handle this situation. The gamut of emotions playing on her face only added to his confusion. _Was she angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Scared? _

"Not good enough for you now, Harry?" She asked in cold hard voice.

She was really messing his head up, he would have answered immediately had he not been so stunned by her question.

"I asked you something!" She turned to face him and he could see the cold voice was only a pretense; she looked so vulnerable and fragile with her lips quivering and eyes shining with unshed tears, that it almost broke his heart.

"Why would you ask me something like that? Can't you bloody see how you affect me?" He pointed to his half unbuttoned jeans with evident exasperation.

"Why do you always stop then?"

"Because you don't stop me even though you are not comfortable!" He replied fighting his growing frustration with the entire situation.

"Why would I not be comfortable? We've done all this before; it isn't as if I am some pure innocent virgin!" He was slightly taken aback by the bitterness of her voice, but he refused to back down.

"Gin, can you honestly tell me you are okay with what was about to happen?" He asked looking at her face intently.

"Why not? " She shrugged and looked away from his penetrating gaze, "It isn't as if we haven't done it before."

"It isn't about having done it before or not Gin…you know it." He placed two fingers below her chin and turned her face towards him gently. "You know what this is about..."

"I don't know what you are talking _about_." She answered pursing her lips into a thin hard line.

This wasn't going to be easy, he knew it, but he couldn't deny the fact that both of them had to face their fears and guilt if they wanted to move forward.

He took a deep breath and steeled himself to ask the one question that had been haunting him for two months now. "Gin, what happened that night?"

"You know what happened; I have already told you everything." She answered gruffly.

"Have you told me _everything_?" He persisted.

"Everything that you need to know." She answered shortly.

"Why don't you let me decide that?"

"You think I am not comfortable with our physical relationship because of fucking one night stand gone bad?" Though her voice sounded angry, he didn't miss the tiny flicker of dismay that crossed her face.

"It wasn't just a one night stand gone bad Gin, you know it." Just uttering those words made his insides burn, but he knew he would have to stay calm today, he didn't have another choice.

"Oh! Yeah? What was it then?" She challenged him, but he it was evident from her face that her initial rage was quickly giving way to nervousness. "I got drunk with an unknown muggle and walked into that damned hotel room with him on my free will. I let him touch me because it made me feel wanted, in my own twisted way I thought I was showing you that even if you didn't want me others did. Yes, it didn't go well, he hit me…he…he started doing things…things that…that hurt and I tried to stop him, too bad for me it didn't work…"

Anger flooded his brain, but he pushed it aside, he had to stay strong for her. He could react on instinct, snarl, cuss and break a few things or let his guilt cripple him again and they would be back to where they started, he didn't want go there and more than anything else, he wanted his Ginny to let go of the past.

"Gin, you tried to stop him, he didn't! He hurt you damn it! You made a mistake but you didn't deserve what happened to you. The asshole too advantage of you!" He growled.

"Listen Harry, if you want to believe that I was taken advantage so that you can retain the image of your pure and innocent Ginny, stuff it okay! I had a one night stand, it didn't go well, that's the end of it!"

The venom in his voice hurt him, but he wasn't going to dwell on that, at least not now. "Gin," he said gently, trying had to mask the pain in his voice, "I love you the way you are, I love you for who you are…I wouldn't care about how physically intimate you got with anyone in the past as long as the guy didn't hurt you. Okay I would care," he amended almost immediately, "I'd get jealous and everything but I wouldn't ask you about it and no matter what happens Gin, what you do or believe you did, my feelings for you are not going to change. I am only talking to you about this incident because I can see how much you are affected by it."

"I am not." She answered stubbornly, but he could make out the wall she had constructed around herself was cracking.

"Gin, I spoke to Hermione, she told me you fell sick, you couldn't sleep at night…"

"You talked to her about me behind my back?" She hissed.

"Yeah, because I knew you'd probably react like this." He answered quietly.

She clenched her jaw and turned her face away from him. "She told me this because I practically begged her to, I wanted to know because I knew this was something that was hurting you…please Gin we need to get past this….we have to…"

"I feel nervous when you touch me in certain places or when you get rough with me," she interrupted him abruptly.

He was too stunned by her sudden admission to say anything. But as her words started sinking in, the shock quickly gave way to hurt.

"You think I'd take advantage of you?"

"It's not that…" she shook head ruefully, "I trust you…I know you'll never hurt me like that… this is you…not some random guy…I…I don't know why it happens."

She still wasn't looking at him; he could only see her profile as she continued staring at wall in front of her while she spoke. He didn't interrupt her when she paused; he knew now that she had started talking, she would tell him everything at her own pace.

He was still staring at her, when she turned towards him. Biting her lower lip, she searched his face nervously. He didn't know what she was looking for, but he was sure she would find nothing but love in his eyes. "Harry…it isn't as if I don't feel anything when you touch me…I feel aroused, I…I feel that desire, but there is a part of me that starts panicking as soon as things start getting too heated…I don't do it deliberately…it just happens on its own and I don't understand it. I don't ask you to stop because I feel if we continue I'd get over it on my own…but…then when you do stop…I feel a little relieved and angry at the same time… its like I want to feel you close and yet I am scared and when you pull away the fear goes but the doubts and anger stay and I end up wondering if you want me like that anymore or not…I am completely messed up aren't I?"

"Can I hold you?" He asked timidly. He knew this wasn't the answer she was looking for, but he couldn't help it, he wanted to protect her, comfort her and convince her that in his eyes she was perfect, but he needed more than just words to do that.

She just stared at him for a moment, probably a little taken aback by his request and then much to his relief gave him a small smile. "You don't need my permission for that."

Putting his arms around her, he pulled her close to his chest and felt his entire body relax as he breathed in her calming scent. "Gin, you aren't messed up…" he began softly, "you've been through something horrible. I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but that's not really possible. All we can do is to get past it. As for wanting you …trust me I do …you have no idea how badly…but I can sense your fear and I don't want to do anything that you are not ready for…I am sorry for all the times I got carried away …I should have been more careful… "

"It's not really your fault Harry," she mumbled against his chest, you don't even initiate anything on your own now…I…I don't know what to do with myself..."

He stroked her hair gently, waiting patiently for her to continue. Her breathing slowed down and he felt her body relax as she snuggled closer to him.

"I thought I had gotten over it…the first few months were difficult," she began her forehead still pressed against his chest, "every time I was alone I would think about what I had done and would end up feeling disgusted with myself…I couldn't even protect myself Harry…I just let myself be used like that…that thought used to kill me. It still does…"

He rubbed her back gently, allowing her to cry against his chest. Every word of hers was making his insides twist with pain, but knew he couldn't break down; she needed him to stay strong.

"I am not blaming you for this Harry," she continued in a slightly scratchy voice, "I had started thinking about it a lot less about it, but ever since we got back together, I can't help it. The thoughts just come on their own."

His heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach as soon as he heard those words. He didn't know what to think, the mere thought that being with him reminded her of that horrific night made him feel sick.

She pulled away from him slightly and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "Maybe it's because I haven't been so physically intimate with anyone or perhaps having you back like this makes me think of the all those months I lived feeling like a pathetic little girl you had dumped…I…I don't know what it is…I don't want these feelings…I want to be happy with you…but they just don't go away…"

He could feel his heart break and it cost him every ounce of courage he possessed to voice the one thought that was wrecking havoc in his mind, he didn't know what he'd do if she actually agreed with him, but he had to ask, he had to be sure, "Gin…would…would it have been better for you if you hadn't let me come back into your life?"

"That's why I couldn't talk to you!" She smacked his shoulder hard, "you always go on these bloody guilt trips! I told you I wasn't blaming you."

"I am sorry, it's just that I want you to be happy and if being with me hurts you…"

"Harry!" she warned.

"I am sorry." He answered diffidently.

"You do…you make me happy… I just don't understand myself right now." She shook her head dejectedly.

"Gin, " he said after a moment's hesitation, "you complain about my guilt trips, aren't you doing the same? You are blaming yourself for something that wasn't completely your fault, you made a mistake yes, but that asshole had no right to hit you or force himself on you once you had said no."

"It isn't that simple Harry."

"I know it isn't Gin," he said cupping her face as he looked intently into her tear rimmed brown eyes, "as much as it hurts, it's the past, we can't change it, we have to move on."

"You think I don't want to…I am trying, can't help it that it isn't working." She answered squeezing her eyes shut to stop her tears from spilling over.

He kissed her moist eye lids lightly and wiped the rebellious tears that had escaped with his thumb. "We can do it together…you have been trying alone so far, let me in, let me help you." He said almost pleadingly.

She pursed her lips, took a deep breath and slowly opened her warm brown eyes. The moment he looked into them, he knew he had crossed one of the biggest hurdles in winning her trust back.

"Thank you…" He said softly as he bent down to plant a soft kiss on her forehead.

He didn't know how they were going to move forward, he had no idea how long it would take, but what he did know was together they could find a way.

Author's note- This chapter is actually a continuation of the last one, hence the comparatively shorter length. I hope I answered a few questions in this one. Chapter 15 should answer more and since I have already started working on it, you'll be able to read it in a few days. This was a difficult chapter to write and I would really love to hear what you guys have to say. The story is nearing its end, I think I should be done in about 2-3 more chapters, so if you haven't reviewed so far, do it now; it will motivate me to write faster:)

Alright, 60 alerts, 30 favorites but only 4 reviews...that people is honestly disheartening. I will finish this story with or without reviews, but come on guys if you can add the story to your favorites, you can certainly make the effort to review, trust me that's the only payment fanfic authors work for, apart from their own entetainment of course:) A few words from the reader, whether its all praise or simply contsructive criticsim, make a hell lot of difference to the author.


	15. Chapter 15

He felt like a sap but he couldn't help it, running his fingers through her soft silky hair as she slept snuggled against his chest, seemed like one of the most romantic things he had done with her since they had gotten back together. Feeling her soft body pressed against him the first thing in the morning, filled with him with a sense of peace.

He stroked her forearm lightly and willed time to stop, he didn't have much. Whether he liked it or not he would have to floo to the ministry in an hour. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her body closer, he knew he would need every good memory of physical closeness he could gather to survive the two or maybe even three long weeks awaiting him.

"Mmmm…what time is it?" She groaned groggily.

He smiled against her hair, glad to have woken her up, "nine," he whispered as he bent down to plant a soft good morning kiss on her forehead.

"Crap…" She muttered, snuggling further into him, "you have to leave soon, right?"

"In an hour…"

"You feel so warm…don't want to get up…" She mumbled pouting against his chest.

"Don't want to leave either…" he sighed, burying his face in her hair.

His eyes were still heavy from lack of sleep, but he had woken up feeling quite light headed and calm. Their conversation the previous night had cleansed them of a lot of their mutual insecurities and fears and the sensation of her warm breath tickling his chest added to his general sense of well being.

He felt her wriggle in his arms and looked up to meet her slightly swollen brown eyes. "I am really going to miss you… you know." She said softly and he felt his heart swell with happiness. It was strange how every little word or gesture of affection from her suddenly felt all the more special. Perhaps it was because after laying down everything in the open the previous night he wasn't second guessing himself or her as much as he had been doing earlier.

"I'll miss you too…" he answered with a happy smile, "more than you can possibly know."

"Feeling sappy are we?" She waggled her eyebrows playfully, "are we actually going to argue about who'll miss the other more?"

"No, you'll loose, so I'd rather not argue." He smirked.

"Gosh! Potter you really are too sappy to be an auror," she screwed up her nose in mock disgust.

"What can I say? You bring it out in me." He answered flippantly, before dipping his head to kiss her on the mouth, but ended up kissing her cheek as she turned her face away at the last moment.

"Eeew…you can't kiss…we haven't brushed yet!" She almost shrieked.

_Some things never change, _he thought happily, before cupping her face and planting his lips firmly on hers.

"You are disgusting…" She said with an expression that conveyed the complete opposite of disgust.

"And you love me for it!" He answered with a cocky smile.

He saw her expression change from amused to a soft wistful one, "I do."

It felt wonderful yet almost surreal to have her in his bed and gaze into her eyes. It was hard to believe that it had only been a few hours since he had been feeling jealous and completely unsure of where he stood with Ginny. Though she hadn't made any promises to him, but they had certainly taken a huge strep in their relationship in one night, she had started trusting him again.

"Harry…" she shook him out his reverie, "I know you can't tell me about this auror mission, but it's not too dangerous is it?"

He kissed away the frown lines on her forehead, "Shouldn't be, the French Ministry just needs some extra help and anyway," he added with a cocky grin, "I fight better now, haven't made a serious trip to St' Mungos in a year!"

She slapped his face lightly, "Don't joke about these things okay…"

"Yes ma'am." He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm lightly.

"When will you be back?" She asked, entwining her fingers with his.

"Two…maybe three weeks…depends on how long they need our help." He shrugged.

She pursed her lips and he wondered what she was contemplating. "Okay, I may not be here when you get back," she began hesitantly, "I haven't told anyone about this yet, but I have been invited to try out for the world cup squad, they are looking for a reserve chaser, it's a 10 day camp…"

"That's bloody great Gin!" He exclaimed his face breaking into a huge grin, masking the twinge of disappointment he felt at the prospect of not being able to see her for longer than he had anticipated.

"Don't get too excited, nothing's happened yet." She answered trying to sound far more unaffected than she was feeling.

He ruffled her hair lightly, "Play your best and I can assure you something will happen! You are one of the best fliers I have ever see Gin!"

"Says the youngest seeker of the century?" She said attempting a grimace that actually ended up looking like a smile.

He puffed up his chest in mock pride, "Yeah! So if I say you are good, you are good!"

She gazed at him with an amused expression on her face and then gave him a quick peck on the cheek before yanking his duvet off. "Stop gloating and get off your arse, you'll get late!"

* * *

Michelle was cowering behind him, he knew they were outnumbered, but he was going to get the boy out. His arm was burning with pain; he knew he was losing strength as his curse wounds bled him out. He had become an expert attacker, but with a young boy to protect he found himself on the back foot. An agonized scream pierced the air and he realized that he had been a fraction of second late in putting up the shield charm. From the corner of his eye he spotted another jet of red light directed at his charge. "Protego!" He screamed the curse was deflected.

Michelle was still writhing in pain and he knew that the young boy's chances of survival were diminishing fast. He fired spells with trained precision, neutralizing some of his attackers, but there were far too many of them for five aurors to fight. They needed back up and fast. His mind worked furiously, as he dodged curses and tried to figure out the quickest way to get help for the young boy. He knew a child who had already been tortured for days wouldn't be able to survive this ordeal for long.

He felt the familiar vibration of his innuo* near his chest and with a wave of relief he realized that help had arrived. If he could make it safely to the mouth of the cave and hand the kid over to the healers in the support team, Michelle would have a better chance of making it alive. He put a shield charm around himself, picked up the nearly lifeless body of the kid in his arms and made a dash for his destination. His plan was nearly suicidal, but he didn't much of a choice. As he ran he felt his shield weakening. He was an open target and with the number or curses flying towards him, he knew it was only a matter of seconds before his protective shield broke.

He had almost made it to the mouth of cave, when several things happened at once. A team of aurors barged in, his shield broke, his mind registered a jet of orange light flying towards him, instinctively he shielded Michelle with his body and raised his wand to bring up another shield, but he was a second too late. He felt his entire body erupt in pain and the last thought before he blacked out was, _not now_…

_A part of his mind registered soft cool fingers stroking his forehead; it was her he knew it. He wanted to see her, touch her, but his body seemed to have become paralyzed. Something wet trickled down his cheek, was he crying, he didn't know. There were voices, he could hear them, there was a man; she was talking to him. He wanted to tell her he was okay but his tongue wouldn't move. Then he felt numbness, the voices started fading, his mind stopped fighting and the last thing he felt was her soft touch on his cheek…._

_She was talking to him, murmuring and sobbing. He could see her bent over his body. Was he dead? No he could see himself breathing, he could feel it. Dreaming perhaps? He watched her run her fingers through his hair. "Please wake up baby…don't do this…I love you. Mum's here too, you wanted me to tell them about us, right? They all know…just please come back Harry…you promised…" She wiped her tears with the edge of her palm and continued determinedly, "the healer said you'll be hear me if I talk to you, you can right?" I can see you too, he wanted to tell her, but nothing came out of his mouth. "Ron's been so worried you know," she continued talking as if trying to convince herself that he would eventually respond, " he's just gone to the café to grab lunch. Hermione says you'll be okay, you'll make it through. I know you will….you told me you are not leaving again…" She finished brokenly and he watched helplessly as tears started streaming down her cheeks again. He wanted to hold her, but he couldn't, he was stuck to the ceiling. He felt like screaming but no sound would come out his mouth. She started fading, he fought desperately to hold on to her hazy image but felt something pull him down and the next moment there was nothing. _

_He saw a blurred outline of a face framed with red hair, he tried to open his eyes further, but it was as if a heavy weight had been placed on his eyelids and try as he might he couldn't open his eyes. "Ginny" the thought had barely registered in his fuzzy brain, when darkness started engulfing him again. From somewhere far away he heard a scratchy voice saying "Harry..." but before he could respond his world faded to blackness again._

A soft light streamed in from the window. He blinked a few times, trying to adjust his eyes to the dimly lit room. He was in a hospital he could make that much out. He caught a flash of red from the corner of his eye and he knew it was her even before he had turned his face towards the chair she was sleeping in. He tried to think back, his first thought was Michelle, _was he okay?_ He had to know; he tried to get up and groaned in pain as every cell in his body protested against the movement.

"Harry!" She was beside him in a flash, "You are up! Thank god you are okay." She touched his face almost reverently, "Don't move, you'll hurt yourself. I'll call the healer."

He caught her wrist before she could move. "Wait." He croaked, "How is Michelle? That boy …"

She shook her head and gave him a small rueful smile. "He's okay, they discharged him last night."

He let out a sigh of relief, but didn't release his hold on her wrist. "Stay with me." He mumbled in a weak scratchy voice.

"But…" She began in protest; he silenced her with a pleading look.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked giving him a worried once over.

"Everywhere…" he sighed, closing his eyes, but still holding on to her as if his life depended on it.

She took a stepped closer to him and stroked his messy hair soothingly. He exhaled audibly and sank back into his bed. "I really should get the healer Harry," she whispered softly as he relaxed his hold on her wrist, "I'll be back in a minute, promise."

He let her go knowing there was no point arguing with her any further and if he were honest to himself; he didn't even have the strength.

Within seconds Ginny was back with the healer who introduced himself as Philippe. He had a good English accent despite being French and his voice seemed familiar to him for some odd reason. He told the Philippe about the crippling pain in his legs and back, the burning sensation in his chest and his overall exhaustion. After about half an hour of conducting several tests the healer pronounced him stable and administered several strong pain potions to ease his discomfort.

"Harry…" she said softly after Philippe left, "I am just going to floo mum, Ron and Hermione at the hotel, will you be okay?"

"They are all here?"

"Of course Harry, they are family. George, Bill and Dad came to visit you too. I have to floo them and tell them you are okay," she answered as she stroked his face tenderly; "you scared the shit out of all of us."

He felt his heart melt, he had such little love as a child that no matter how much he got, he would probably never get used to it. The Weasleys had always treated him like one of their own, they had stood by him after the war, they had been there for him even during the phase he had been acting like a right prat…

"Harry…" she interrupted his chain of thought, "do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Ummm…no…no…can you floo them after a few minutes…." He asked desperately wishing to hold to Ginny for a few more moments. Her presence was soothing.

She peered at his face intently for a moment before giving him a small understanding smile, "I'll stay with you, I am not going anywhere…I'll just floo mum, she'll tell everyone."

Something clicked in his mind, "I dreamt about you...I saw you crying and you were telling me your mum's here and you've told her about us….did that really happen?"

She looked at him incredulously, "Yeah…how do you know?"

"I…I…saw it, I saw you crying…"

"That's so strange…" a flicker of anxiety crossed her and then with a slight shake of her head she banished whatever thoughts had been bothering her, "never mind, we'll ask the haler about it tomorrow. You are okay now and that's all that matters!" She bent down slightly, cupped his face and kissed his forehead lightly, "don't scare me like that again, okay…"

"When that last curse hit, you were the last thing I thought about…" He whispered softly.

"You have to stop doing that you know…" She chided him, her voice quaking with emotion.

He looked straight into her velvet brown eyes and confessed in a vulnerable almost childlike voice, "This time I thought how badly I wanted to live now that I have you back…"

She closed her eyes and let out a small sob.

"Gin…" he whispered, clasping her hand gently.

She pulled it away roughly and fixed him with a fierce glare, "I hope you know that you are a stupid reckless bloody idiot!"

Before he could respond to her accusation, however, she surprised him by covering his chapped dry lips with her soft warm ones. He felt his pain melt away as she caresses his mouth gently, pouring every bit of her love into that intoxicatingly sweet kiss.

*****

The next week passed in a blur of tests and potions. Ron and Hermione left for London the day after he woke up, though they kept portkeying back to visit him. Molly and Ginny stayed back, one of them was by his side almost constantly, mostly it was Ginny; she left only for a few hours everyday to catch a nap in the hotel.

The potions he was taking made him feel drowsy most of the times, but he was always aware of Ginny's presence. Having her hold his hand, or just the feeling of her cheek pressed against his chest, gave him the kind of relief that none of the potions could.

He knew it was stupid, but despite the pain and the discomfort, a part of him did feel secretly happy about having to stay in the hospital. They didn't talk much but he hadn't felt so close to her in a long time. The way she played with his hair when he pretended to be asleep, the look in her eyes when they talked, the love that she poured into every kiss, it almost made him feel as if the break-up had never happened.

They were both sitting on his bed, with Ginny's back resting against his chest and reading Quiddich weekly on the last day of his stay in the hospital, when with a jolt he remembered their conversation about her national team try outs.

"Gin, what day is it? Weren't you supposed to attend that national team camp last week?"

"Yeah," she answered without looking up from the article, "I sent a note saying I wouldn't be able to make it because of personal reasons."

A wave of guilt hit him as he realized she had probably missed the most important opportunity of her career because of him. "Gin…the camp was important…"

She interrupted him before he could finish, her eyes shining with a mix of fury and heartbreaking sadness, "It wasn't more important than you Harry."

He looked at her dumbly, not knowing what to say. He would have done the same thing had the situations been reversed, but he realized in that moment, just how much she was willing to give up for him too.

He wasn't sure what to feel, guilty... surprised... grateful… there were so many conflicting emotions that he was going through that only thing he could get out of his mouth was a scratchy, "sorry."

She looked up from the magazine and frowned at him, "Why are you sorry?"

"I wish you didn't have to miss the match because of me, I know how important it was to you." He said sincerely.

"It was and if I play well, the opportunity would come again, it's not like I am retiring tomorrow," she shrugged a little too nonchalantly.

He knew well enough to understand that the slightly exaggerated shrug was actually a ploy to hide real disappointment.

"You don't have to pretend Gin, I am really sorry…"

She put her hand on his mouth, shutting him up effectively. "You know I really don't like your guilt trips. You didn't choose to get so grievously injured Harry. The camp was supposed to start that day you landed up here half dead, I couldn't possibly have gone to play while you were lying in the hospital…"

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. He still felt awful knowing he had cost Ginny a huge opportunity, but a part of him did feel secretly relieved that she chose him over Quiddich.

She removed her hand from his lips, but allowed her fingers to linger on his cheek. Leaning in a little she planted a soft chaste kiss on the side of his mouth. "I love Quiddich Harry, but I love you more." She whispered softly and he was again amazed at her ability to read his mind.

She gazed at him fondly for a few moments, gave him a soft smile and then returned to her magazine. He, however, could no longer find anything interesting in the article. Ginny's words had made him feel lightheaded and warm all over. His resentment of her love for Quiddich had played a huge role in their break-up and his fear of ever losing her again had made him push that resentment into some remote corner of his mind. He had vowed to himself never to make her choose between Quiddich and him, not just because she loved the game but also because he feared the outcome.

"Harry," she said turning back to him, "are you sleepy?"

He blinked at her like a moron he thought. He had been rather lost in his own world and her abrupt and completely off topic question caught him complete unawares.

"Harry?" She frowned and placed her hand on his forehead, "you feeling okay right?"

"Umm…yeah. I am not sleepy…just zoned out for a moment…sorry."

"Okay, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, can we talk now?"

"Yeah…"

She twisted her body slightly, so that they sat almost face to face. "You remember the conversation we had the night before you left?"

"Mhmm…" he nodded wondering where she was going with this.

"After you left I thought a lot about our situation and I realized that by pretending that I wasn't affected by what happened that night I was hurting both of us," she began biting her lower lip nervously, "so, I decided maybe it was time I sought help, Neville had suggested it sometime back, but at that time I thought I'd deal with it on my own. Anyway, so I had a chat with Hermione and she asked around a little and recommended this mind healer, Serah …"

"And?" He prompted.

"Umm, I have had one session so far, I can't say how helpful it was yet, I mean it wasn't really the most pleasant experience, sharing personal stuff like that, but oddly enough it wasn't that difficult to talk to her. Anyway I had to tell her about you too, since it's all sort of connected, didn't tell her your name or anything, though I think she must have guessed. So, ummm… she said that it would be good if you could come for a few sessions as well. You don't have to though if you are not comfortable..."

"Why would I mind Gin?" He asked incredulously.

"You know how these sessions are Harry…you have to answer some very personal questions and I know you won't feel comfortable with that. Also, I didn't really speak to you before going, so I'd understand..."

"I don't mind Gin," he interrupted her before she could finish, "when I said we'll get past it together I meant it, if you need me at your sessions I'll be there, just tell me when okay."

She nodded quietly and then after a moment's hesitation asked again, "You are sure right?"

He shook his head warily, "Gin, what part of I'll be there do you not understand? I love you and if you think these sessions are good for us, why would I not want to come?"

"Sorry. It's just that when I scheduled an appointment with her I didn't think she'd need you to come…I'd have spoken to youummph…"

His soft warm kiss on her lips silenced her, when he pulled away after a few moments and asked her to shut up, she gave him one of her adorable warm smiles and went back to reading.

****

One month later…

As he got ready for the family lunch at the Burrow he couldn't help but marvel at how much things had changed in over a month. Unlike the last time, he was actually looking forward to this lunch. After all, he would no longer have to hide his feelings for Ginny, he could actually hold her hand under the table as they ate, he wouldn't have to steal glances at her when no one was looking, he wouldn't have to pretend that she was only his friend and best of all he no longer needed to sneak around the only people he considered family.

Though he hated hospitals but he couldn't help but look back at his last hospital stay with some degree of fondness, despite the painful injuries. Had Ginny not lost the world cup squad opportunity because of him, he would probably have had no regrets about landing himself in the hospital. He had never doubted Ginny's love, but in those two weeks he had realized just how much she still cared and that knowledge was enough to help him get rid of most of his insecurities.

After spending almost a week with Ginny constantly by his side, it felt strange initially to return to his normal routine but the fact that she had started staying over on weekends had made life easier for him. If he thought about it, life in fact was almost good! Ginny had become a lot more open about sharing her feelings, whether it was of their talk the night before her left for his mission, the time they spent in the hospital, her therapy or all three, but he they seemed to have made a lot of progress on the emotional front at least.

They hadn't had a joint session yet as Serah had wanted them to come for some individual sessions before they had one together. The first time he had felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable about discussing his feelings for Ginny and his sex life (or the lack of it) with a complete stranger and despite four extremely long sessions he still did. However, he couldn't deny the fact that the therapy was actually helpful.

For one it was helping him deal with his guilt better. Serah had explained to him how his guilt could ruin his relationship with Ginny and that had been incentive enough for him to agree to the forgiveness exercises she had recommended. He was also beginning to understand that despite what Ginny said it would take her a while to actually get past the anger and resentment she held against him and if he wanted her in his life he would have to be extremely patient.

They had been asked not to discuss the details of their sessions with each other, till it was time to begin their joint sessions. However, despite not knowing how Ginny's therapy was going, he could see subtle differences in her behavior. He would have missed them had he not been such as expert at Ginny watching- her eyes sparkled a little more when she talked to him, she touched him more often when they were together in public and the best part was she smiled a lot more.

Both of them had, however, taken a step back in their physical relationship. It took an immense amount of self control on his part, especially on the days when she slept with him on his bed, but he stuck to sweet tender kisses and an occasional passionate snog. Ginny too never encouraged him to do anything more. He had discussed the same with Serah and she had told him to follow her lead and give her time. So, he contended himself with wanks in the shower that he had gotten so used to over the last one year.

"Harry!" the object of his fantasies called out from the bathroom, "hand me the towel will you? I forgot it again."

_There, it was moments like this that made self-control such a tricky little thing_! _But then again it was also these moments that fuelled his various fantasies_, he thought ruefully, as he opened his closet to look for a fresh clean towel.

…to be continued.

Author's note- I know this was kinda fluffy, but it was essential since this was like a transition chapter. We'll have the Burrow lunch and more in the next chapter. Just in case any of you are wondering, the lunch happens on the weekend and as I mentioned, Ginny stays over at the weekends, she hasn't moved in with him yet.

I thought I'd also explain a bit about the 'therapy'. I took a year long sabbatical from work sometime back and did some hypnotherapy training. I worked with a clinical psychologist for six months who specialized in relationship counseling and used hypnosis based healing techniques. What I have written about Ginny's therapy is based on what I learnt from watching her deal with clients with a history of sexual abuse, relationship problems, childhood trauma, etc.

Good news is (in case you like this story) that I have finished working on the story outline and unlike I had predicted earlier, we have three more chapters to go :)

Finally, I don't remember if I responded to the reviews last time or not. If I didn't I am really sorry, I promise I will this time around. If I did, then please ignore my apology and review again :)

*Innuo is something I made up:) I needed Harry to know when help was near so I made up an auror gadget! I mean if James Bond has all those fancy things, our wizard should have something too. My gadget kinda lame, but I blame my writer's block for it! Innuo btw is a Latin word that means to give a sign or a nod!

Ps- Please point out errors if you spot any, I haven't had much time to proof read this thoroughly.


	16. Chapter 16

Lunch at the burrow had been its usual boisterous affair and this time around Harry had enjoyed every moment of it. He felt a sense of contentment wash all over him as he sat beside Ginny on the couch, lightly caressing the back of her hand with his thumb while she bantered away with George.

The Weasleys had all reacted in their own way to the news of the two of them getting back together. Molly had expressed her happiness, both through her words and actions while he was still in the hospital. Fleur had been quite excited and had something about always knowing the two of them were meant to be, Bill on the other hadn't said much to him. Ginny had told him later that Bill was "just being an overprotective git again". He figured Bill's attitude was largely influenced by all those stories that appeared about him in print after his break-up with Ginny. Though he and Bill hadn't been close, he had always had immense respect for the man and he hoped that eventually Bill would learn to trust him again.

George had let him off with a little good natured ribbing and Percy had just said a few polite words about being happy for them. It was, however, Arthur's reaction or the lack of it that baffled him. He had an uncomfortable feeling that perhaps like Bill, Arthur too didn't trust him with his daughter's heart just yet.

"Harry, can I have a word with you in my study." The man he had been thinking about tapped him on his shoulder.

Ginny turned around to face her father, her eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Nothing, just some Ministry business, Ginny." Arthur answered his daughter's silent question with a soft smile.

_This is it_, he though to himself as he followed his adopted family's head into his study, _he's probably going to tell me to lay off Ginny. I_t was either the panic-stricken look on his face that gave him away or Ginny's father had secretly mastered legilimency, either way he was quite embarrassed to have been so transparent.

"Don't worry I won't tell you to stay away from my daughter or anything, son. I thought you knew me better than that," Arthur told him with a small smile, as he settled down on a cushy chair and pointed Harry towards the one placed opposite it.

He had barely had the time to register his words, when Arthur spoke again. "Harry, I probably wouldn't do this so soon, had it been someone else. I understand that you and Ginny have just resumed your relationship and it's probably too early to ask you what I am about to, but I hope you will understand my reasons for doing so. You are a part of the family for us Harry and Ginny is my only daughter…"

Harry merely nodded quietly and schooled his features not to betray the anxiety that had started gnawing at his insides.

"I didn't talk about all this earlier," Arthur continued, "because when you two got together the first time, you were really quite young and by the time you two got settled in your careers, you broke up. I wouldn't get into the whys of it, because I know it's not my place, I could see that both of you were extremely hurt. Ginny almost cut herself off from us for a while and while you didn't seem too bothered in the beginning, at least if one went by your pictures that appeared in the paper, but whatever little we saw of you made it quite clear that you weren't too happy either."

Arthur's words brought back the guilt he had been trying to get over and he wondered once again just how much he had messed up his life thanks to his own stupid actions. But before he could dwell too much on the thought, Arthur started speaking again.

"Look, son, I don't want to see either of you hurt again and I hope you can forgive me for saying this, but as much as I love my sons and you, Ginny is…"

"Special…" Harry finished quietly.

He looked straight into the older man's eyes, willing him to understand that Ginny did indeed mean the world to him.

"So," Arthur spoke after a few moments of quiet contemplation, "are you two thinking of a long term commitment?"

"Arthur," he began in a quiet but determined voice, "Ginny means everything to me, I made a lot of mistakes last year and almost lost her…she needs time to trust me again. If it were only up to me I'd ask her to marry me today, but I know she's not ready and that's okay…I can wait."

The older man looked at him quietly, his expression almost neutral. "Harry," he said after several quiet moments, "I don't need to tell you this, I am sure you already know that Ginny is stubborn and she doesn't give her trust easily, especially after someone lets her down. I don't know what you did, but you are saying you hurt her, are you sure you have the patience to wait for her?"

"I do…I love her." He answered softly.

Arthur acknowledged his response with a small nod and turned away to stare out of the window. The two men sat in silence for several moments and Harry's anxiety grew with every passing second.

"I trust you Harry…" Arthur punctured the silence in a quiet yet kind voice, "but I hope you also realize that you are in a position where you will always have temptations, most women find fame and bravery very attractive qualities in a man. Honoring your commitment even to a person your love, as you may have realized already by now, is not always going to be easy."

Harry knew what Arthur was hinting at and he didn't really blame the man for his doubts about him. He figured any father in his position would feel the same.

"I know and I won't deny that there always will be temptations, but I know what Ginny means to me…if nothing else, the last year has taught me how incomplete I feel without her…I am not very good at this…I don't know if I can express it in words…but your daughter really is all I have…I know we are not on very strong ground yet…but for me…this is it…Ginny is and will be the only one."

It wasn't easy for him to talk about his feelings with anyone other than Ginny and sometimes Hermione, but he knew he had to, he wanted Arthur to believe him. He had kept his gaze locked with the father of the woman he loved with everything he had, hoping desperately that the man would understand his feelings. The change in Arthur's eyes was subtle, but he didn't miss it and as the frown lines from his face disappeared to give way to a small affectionate smile, Harry felt a sense of relief wash over him.

"I hope you two are able to sort everything out. You are a good man son and I know you can make my daughter happy…" Arthur told him gently and then added with a little chuckle, "don't worry Molly will be giving a similar talk to Ginny. You are her favorite son after all."

* * *

Four months later…

He had just finished cooking what he hoped would be a good meal. He was going to see Ginny after three whole weeks and he wanted to make the night special. Kreacher hadn't been too pleased with his taking over the kitchen, so he had given the elf an extra off, despite his vehement and almost violent protests.

As he began setting the table, for some odd reason his mind wandered back to their first joint session with Serah. The session had been emotionally draining but it had also helped them start with the most important part of their healing.

He remembered every detail of that day vividly. Serah had asked both of them to make a list of all the fears related to their relationship and he had been truly surprised to see Ginny's list. Unlike him her fears had been centered on how their relationship could affect her, she was scared of losing herself because of him.

Their lists according to Serah had been exactly what she had expected. If he was honest with himself, he already knew why his list looked the way it did. He didn't need Serah to tell him that his fears emanated from how emotionally invested he was in the relationship; Ginny really was his sole emotional anchor. He also knew that the fear of losing her was not because of his lack of trust in Ginny, but because he could never really bring himself to believe that he deserved her. As Serah told him it was his guilt and his childhood experiences that triggered his insecurity. They had been working on the last two aspects and while he didn't think his emotional clinginess as Serah called it could be cured but he had to admit that he had started feeling slightly better about himself and his own place in their relationship. The fact that Ginny was slowly returning to her old expressive self also had a lot to with it.

It was what Serah said about Ginny's fears, however, that helped him see his relationship with her from a different perspective. He had always known about Ginny's loathing for crying or displaying any signs of weakness. They hadn't talked much about her first year, but he had believed that he was aware of how much of Ginny's personality had been shaped by it. For some reason, however, he had only focused on the fact that she had emerged stronger and braver from the experience. He had never realized how Tom Riddle had also shaped her biggest weakness. What happened to her post their break-up only amplified her fears and somewhere in her mind she started equating her love for him to losing herself. He hated it, but the revelation also made him fall all the more in love with Ginny. He knew what it cost her to give him another chance and that one session made him realize that he was bloody blessed to have got it!

Both of them had always known that they were vulnerable to each other, however, having those vulnerabilities laid out in the open, truly helped them understand each other's fears better. Sometimes he did wonder if they would have been able to resolve these issues on their own had Ginny not been forced to face that horrific night. He liked to believe that they would have. But now that they were at this stage, all that mattered to him was helping Ginny heal and healing she was.

She had finally accepted the truth of that night. Since their joint therapy had started, they had been allowed to share the details of their sessions with each other, if they wanted to. Ginny had told him about her hypnosis sessions and how Serah had been helping her confront and release her painful memories.

Now after five months of therapy he had figured that not only had Ginny truly let go of most of her resentment against him but had also started putting the past behind her. Their growing physical intimacy was perhaps the best proof of that.

He couldn't deny that the slow progress had been like an exquisite torture for him at times, but he had to admit what he had been experiencing off late was more exquisite than torturous. The things they had done the day before Ginny left for her tour had been bloody erotic and had 'interrupter- in-chief' Ron not flooed in without a bloody notice, he was sure they wouldn't have stopped. Having the idiot walk in on them had been quite embarrassing, but whenever he thought of that night, embarrassment was the last thing he felt. He had in fact wanked to those memories several times, even now imagining Ginny whimpering under him in her lacy black bra as he licked chocolate of her cleavage sent all his blood rushing down south!

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing the images to disappear. As much as he wanted to repeat the experience of that night with Ginny and maybe take it even farther if she was willing, he didn't really fancy her catching him with a full blown hard on as soon as she apparated to his apartment.

As if on cue, he heard the faint pop of apparition behind him. Every other thought flew out of his mind as he caught a waft of her intoxicating floral scent; he turned around with a huge grin on his face only to have the breath knocked out of him.

He didn't mind not being able to breathe as long as she stayed wrapped around him. Having her soft warm body pressed against him as she peppered his face with kisses, was a feeling nothing short of brilliant.

"Good to see you to Gin!" He smiled into her hair, "I can see you missed me."

"More than you know…" She answered softly, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

He shook his head and chuckled lightly. "Trust me I know…I wasn't doing any better. Ron even compared me to a 12 year old love sick girl!"

"At least you didn't send me a singing valentine…" she snorted.

"You were 11 then and anyway I was thinking more on the lines of standing outside the Harpies dorm and singing sappy love songs for you." He answered cheekily.

She looked at him incredulously for a moment and then threw her head back and let out that full throaty laugh he loved. "That would have been priceless. Gweong would have never let me live it down and I can't even begin to imagine what she'd have done to you!"

He watched her fondly as her eyes crinkled and her face flushed red. He didn't agree with Ron's observations always, but his best mate had been right when he had called him smitten and lovesick, he didn't agree with a 12 year old girl part and he could prove it, only he knew Ron would kill him if he ever as much as uttered a word about his 'manly' and definitely mature fantasies about Ginny. If he thought he had fallen in love with Ginny when he was 16, he really didn't know what word would describe his feelings now…

"What?" Her voice shook him out of his reverie.

"Nothing," he shook his head lightly, "I love you."

"I love you too…" She replied ruffling his hair and then bent down to plant a soft kiss on his mouth.

He got several more kisses as the evening passed, a brilliant snog as a thank you for all the hours he spent slaving in the kitchen and a hard smack a second later for cheekily saying he had figured out that the way to her heart really was through food! They watched a muggle movie after dinner and Ginny dozed off about half an hour before the end, effectively putting a dampener on his plans of more strenuous and definitely far more pleasurable physical activities. But as he watched her sleeping in his arms, with her mouth slightly open and hair splayed over his chest, he realized he really didn't mind just watching her sleep peacefully.

* * *

He wasn't exactly thrilled about that evening's plan, he had always liked Neville and was grateful to him from the bottom of his heart for always being there for Ginny, but, somehow hanging out with Neville still made him uncomfortable.

He knew that Neville had seen Ginny at her worst and that the two of them had been quite close since her sixth year, so he understood why Neville was so concerned about Ginny, but that didn't mean he liked his ex-housemate's attitude.

It wasn't as if Neville made any snide comments or anything, he was in fact exceptionally polite and pleasant, the problem was that Harry often felt like he was under a microscope whenever Neville was around. He had discussed the same with Ginny and she had told him that it was all in his mind. Perhaps it was, maybe it was the fact that Neville knew the worst about his and Ginny's relationship that made Harry so conscious around him.

He was supposed to meet Ginny at Diagon Alley in an hour and then head to Neville's together. Thankfully, he had managed to finish his paper work earlier than he had anticipated, so he decided to give her a little surprise by apparating straight to her apartment. As it is, he had had an extremely busy week and had not been able to spend much time with Ginny.

He had expected to see a surprised Ginny or a happy one, when he had apparated from outside the ministry. But he hadn't for a second thought that he would find her in her present delectable state. Wrapped in a towel too short to even to cover her petite frame, hair wet from the shower and skin glowing with a light rosy hue, it seemed as if she had walked straight out of one of his fantasies…

_

* * *

_

_Author's note- Okay, please don't kill me, I know its mean and even evil to leave it here, but I have honestly done it for a reason. I wanted the next scene (and in fact several others after that) to be from Ginny's perspective and suddenly switching to hers in the middle of the chapter wouldn't have made any sense._

_I am really sorry it took me so long to update, but real life has been crazy and I had a terrible writer's block that just wouldn't go away. I can't even promise when I'll have the next update ready, as we are moving to a new town, so this month's going to be even crazier. Hopefully sometime in mid-July, though I'll try and post it sooner if I can. _

_I know this chapter isn't one of the best I have written. Though I really like parts of it, there are chunks I am not really sure about, so I'd love to know what you guys think. Please review, your words may just make this awful block disappear for a while:) As usual please point out typos/mistakes f you spot them. I have read it once, haven't had the time to do a second round of proof reading._


	17. Chapter 17

She let out a very girly squeak as he apparated in her living room. She hadn't expected to see him so soon, but the sudden lurch of her heart soon gave way to rapid beating the moment she caught the look in his eyes. It was only Harry who looked at her like that; it was only her Harry who laid himself completely bare in front of her. His eyes never hid what he felt for her, lust, love, awe and an almost heart wrenching longing, that look said it all. She had seen that same longing in his eyes several times over the last year.

When they were 'just friends' she had forced herself to ignore it, willing herself not to trust what she saw. For a few months after that she oscillated between giving in and withdrawing, she knew how he felt, but it was hard to trust him again. Now as he stood a few feet away from her staring at her with an intensity that made he go weak-kneed, she knew she couldn't stop herself any longer. It wasn't as if she wanted to either, it had taken her months to reach here…at this point when she didn't feel that gnawing of fear or resentment. Nervousness yes, she couldn't deny the existence of that tiny speck of self doubt either, but she knew she was ready to let it go.

Two years ago she'd have done what she was contemplating now with a seductive smile, now the thought made her nervous. The last year had robbed her of a lot of her self-confidence, especially when it came to physical intimacy with the one person she loved with all her heart. She had pushed herself to act like she used to when they got together again, but her discomfort with the whole situation always won out in the end. Now after months of therapy and Harry's unrelenting persistence to make her see he truly loved her, she had reached the stage where she felt almost comfortable about trusting him completely with her heart and body. Taking a deep breath in, she met his heated gaze and let the towel drop to her feet. _She was ready to let him in…_

He didn't move like she had expected him to, but stood there with his body tense and his eyes wide. She felt the heat of his gaze as it moved down past her navel and felt goose bumps erupt on her skin as he let out a strangled sound.

"You…you waxed it…" He stammered out.

"Umm….yeah…" She answered with a flustered laugh, not knowing what else to say.

"Fuck! Gin…." he groaned, "you…you….want to right…I mean…Gin…that's…that's…you do….don't you?"

_Silly, stupid boy, which other guy in the world would ask a question like that after getting such a blatant invitation, but then again it was Harry…her adorable Harry_. She bit her lip and gave him a small smile hoping to quell whatever doubts he had.

It seemed to do the trick faster than she had anticipated. Before she knew he had closed the distance between them and pinned her against the wall, caging her body with his. He captured her lips in a rough heated kiss pushing his tongue past her parted lips. She responded with the same urgency matching his tongue thrust for thrust.

The frantic movements of his hands on her body were making her almost breathless. She didn't know whether it was because of lack of oxygen or the passion that he was arousing in her that she was feeling so lightheaded and giddy. Her hands found her way to his shirt buttons as his made their way to her breasts caressing and squeezing them with such urgent desperation that she felt herself losing whatever semblance of control she still had.

From the way he was moaning in her mouth, she knew he wasn't doing any better. He broke the kiss, but even before she could groan in protest, she felt his warm mouth cover her breast. Sucking and licking it hungrily. She let out a scream as his now free hand cupped her soft moist center possessively. _He was driving her crazy, but what he did next made her nearly lose her head_.

His fingers slowly slid into her soft folds as he grazed his teeth lightly against her nipples. She opened her legs to give him better access and he plunged a finger into her, making her body quake almost uncontrollably. Her mind had gone blank and all she could focus on were waves of pleasure coursing through her body.

"So wet Gin…want you….in bed…now please" He panted.

"App…arate …" were the only words that she could coherently form before she felt a pull at her navel.

His mouth was back on her breast within seconds as her hands moved down to unbutton his jeans. She didn't remember when his shirt had come off, he could have banished it for all she knew. She didn't have time to dwell on the thought as he gave her a gentle push towards the bed, pulled off his jeans and boxers in record speed and pinned her down with his body.

He entwined his fingers with hers as he started making hot sensuous trails from her shoulders to her breasts with his tongue. She felt him rub his erection against her wet opening as he bit her shoulder lightly. She could feel his growing desperation as his movements got frantic, it mirrored her own.

When he started planting soft sweet kisses around her navel all the while whispering sweet words of love to her, she felt her eyes well up. She didn't know why she was crying, she felt happier now than she had in a long time, he was there holding her, making love to her and she no longer felt like pulling away. She was ready for this, ready for him to complete her…ready to give herself to him completely once again.

"Want you….please…" she half sobbed.

As his dilated dark eyes met hers, she saw a shadow of apprehension cloud them. His movement stilled the moment he noticed her tears. "Gin…sorry…."

She placed her hand against his lips and smiled at him lovingly before he could utter another word. "I want to Harry…I love you…"

The apprehension in his eyes gave way to a thin watery film as let out a shaky breath, "I love you too…so much…"

The iota of doubt that had held on resolutely to its space at the back of her mind vanished completely as she looked at his glistening eyes. She spread her legs keeping her gaze locked with his, silently giving him the permission he needed.

He leaned down to give her a soft loving kiss before gently guiding himself into her. It hurt a little but the pleasure of being joined with him was so intense that the pain faded away even before she could register it completely. He stilled inside her, giving her the time to adjust to his body. But she was ready for him to move, she wanted him to take all that he could from her, she wanted to give him everything she had, her love…her passion…her body… her soul.

"Let go baby…" she whispered to him lovingly, "I want you to…"

He bit her shoulder lightly as he began moving inside her with slow firm strokes, gradually increasing his pace taking her further and further towards that peak of ecstasy. She moaned and writhed under him as he whispered impossibly erotic things, making her forget everything else other than the feel of him inside her. Her moans turned into uninhibited screams of pleasure and the speed of his thrusts increased. Neither of them were in control of their bodies any longer, they moved together faster and harder with every passing moment, seeking that delightful sensation of release and fulfillment.

He screamed her name and spilled himself into her. She found her release almost at the same time as she felt that white warm liquid fill her. Her orgasm washed over her, making every muscle in her body tense up. Bliss, complete and absolute bliss was all she could feel. He was still inside her and as they lay together satiated and feeling completely in love, she knew this is where her home was, in his arms.

* * *

Lying snuggled up against his chest, feeling the soothing sensation of his calloused hand caressing her bare back, she felt content and at peace. They had cancelled their dinner plans with Neville a few minutes ago. Though she felt guilty about bailing out on him at the last moment, her desire to just stay wrapped up in his arms was far greater than anything else she felt.

As far as Harry was concerned he was only too happy with the change of plans. She knew Neville often behaved rather oddly with him and Harry didn't react to it only because he knew how Neville had stood by her when she needed her friends. She couldn't deny that their strained relationship made her uncomfortable but she was sure they would eventually become friends again. It was only a matter of time.

"Gin…" he mumbled into her hair, "thank you".

"For what?" He looked up and kissed her softly before replying, "for giving me the chance to you show what I feel…"

She didn't think it was possible but he made her fall even more in love with him with the way he looked at her. After everything that had happened to him, it was surprising how he still managed to retain the childlike innocence that shone in his eyes at moments like this.

"I'd have been a fool if I hadn't taken the chance to be with you again…" she answered looking right back into those beautiful green eyes, "don't think I could ever fall in love with anyone else…at least not like this…"

"I won't let you…" he whispered pulling her closer, "wouldn't be able to stand it…you being in love with anyone in anyway…."

"Harry…" He shook his head to silence her and continued speaking as he gazed into her eyes with such devotion that it made her heart almost leap out of her chest.

"What I mean is I don't want you to be in that situation ever…I want you to be mine forever….I want to be the only one who gets to hold you like this…I want to be the only one who gets to make love to you…I want to wake up next you to you everyday Gin….you are it for me….there will never be anyone else…not in any way." He paused to take a deep breath but didn't let his gaze waver from her. Her heart was beating frantically; she knew he was going with this….she hadn't expected it so soon.

"I love you Gin," he continued tightening his hold over her as if afraid she's run away, "I hadn't planned to say it today but I have been thinking about it for months. I know what I want Gin…I want you with me forever….Marry me…."

AN-Lol! I know you hate me for ending chapters like this, but come one be nice, you know what's coming next, I already told you how many chapters I am going to write and the next is going to be the last one. Though things may not pan out exactly as you expect them to, but don't worry there won't be more angst and I am giving them a happy ending, love H/G too much to do anything else!

Can't promise when I'll update, but I will eventually, because there is another H/G story I am itching to write and I can't and won't start with it till I finish this.

Finally my apologies again for making you guys wait for so long; real life has been bloody hectic lately. Plus this was a difficult chapter to write. For one, I was a little nervous about writing from Ginny's POV after writing from Harry's for so long and second I found myself stuck with the sex scene in this chapter. I wanted it to convey the emotions involved and I knew if I made it too graphic it could kill the effect I wanted to have. I am still not sure how I did, so please please let me know.

Thanks for reading and please drop in a review, you'll make my day:)


	18. Chapter 18

She didn't know how to respond. She had wanted this, hadn't she? But then again she had forbidden herself to think about a future with Harry and though they had made a lot of progress, she had been focusing more on the moment than anything else. However, she couldn't deny that the thought of 'what next' had been there at the back of mind and that's where she had forced it to remain.

"Gin…" she heard him say softly and when she looked back into his eyes, she felt her heart break into two. She wanted to banish that vulnerable insecure look from his face, but she just couldn't get herself to say "yes", not yet at least.

"Too soon…eh?" He asked squeezing his eyes shut.

"Sorry…" She had barely managed to choke the words out before he interrupted her.

"No, I am sorry….I promised to give you time, it's alright, I understand." He made a lame attempt to paste a brave smile on his face.

"Harry…please…" She tried again, brushing his fringe off his forehead, " I…I wasn't expecting this."

"I know Gin…I am sorry…let's just forget it okay." He cut her off abruptly and sat up in bed.

She wasn't completely taken aback by the sudden change in his tone. She knew what he was trying to do; it was classic Harry behavior-the onset of a phase of brooding and shutting people out. She had always managed to bring him right out of it, but at that moment, she was too overwhelmed with her own conflicting emotions to do or say anything.

She watched him slip his clothes back on and neither of them said a word to each other. There was long awkward silence when he sat on the edge of the bed fully dressed. She wanted to say a lot, tell him she wasn't saying no, that she just wanted time to process everything, but nothing came out.

"Gin…" he spoke after what seemed like an unbearable hour, "I just need some time on my own…" He opened his mouth again but then closed it, deciding against saying whatever he had in mind.

In hindsight, she realized she should have said something reassuring to him. She didn't even meet his eyes as she nodded in response; it was hard to see the sad dejected look in them.

"Umm..I'll call you," with those words and a quick awkward peck on her cheek, he disapparated from her room.

She couldn't sleep, after her left._Why was it so difficult to say _'Yes' to him? A part of her really wanted to, yet she couldn't deny his words had scared her. Did she not see a future with Harry? She would be lying, if she said she didn't. She knew she wanted it too. She was sure he loved her, she didn't doubt his commitment either, or did she? She had let him in again, she had let him touch her in most intimate way, she has started letting down all her barriers, where was the doubt? She didn't know, she was sure she had overcome that, but why did it come back when he asked her to marry him? Was that how fragile her trust still was? Was past anger so hard to let go of?

She closed her eyes and let the tears fall, hoping that somehow they would wash away the frustration and grief that had enveloped her. Maybe, she needed some time off too. Away from Harry, away from her own blasted thoughts.

She checked her bedside watch; it was 10:30, _not too late to call up Luna. _She knew that's what she needed, a talk with Luna…if nothing else, it would distract her enough from her current confusing problems.

Half an hour later, she found herself sitting on Luna's couch, sipping on some nerve relaxing tea, Luna had bought from China. She listened distractedly to her friend's observations about hybrid Chinese Nargles, till she heard her mention Harry.

"I asked what has Harry done now?" Luna repeated her question patiently.

"I didn't say anything about Harry."

"You always look like this when it's something to do with Harry…"

"He asked me to marry him." Ginny blurted out and somehow felt relieved having shared that with someone.

"You don't want to?"

"I do…I think I do…" And there it was, she did want it, but she didn't know how to explain what was stopping her.

"Do you miss Fred, Ginny?" If it hadn't been Luna, she would have been surprised at the abrupt change in topic.

"I do…"

"And Harry, do you think about the final battle, when we thought he had died?"

Swallowing a lump in her throat, she answered quietly, "I try to avoid it…"

"You know daddy still misses mum a lot…he loved her very much. Are you still angry with Ron for your first year Ginny?" There it was, Luna's strange subject switches. But, after years of being friends with her, they made sense to Ginny.

"No, Luna, not anymore. He was a kid who had made two really cool friends and couldn't be bothered with his silly crushing- on- his-best- friend- sister. I was hurt because I expected my brother wouldn't ignore me once I joined Hogwarts and the fact that I was naïve and idiotic didn't help. Both of us should have known better, but we did not…we were too young..." and then slowly a smile spread through her face as everthing suddenly became clear, "and Harry and I have been absolute fools."

There it was, as strange as their conversation would have sounded to a third person, she understood what Luna meant. You never knew what the future held, the war had taught them that. Love and time with loved ones was something to be treasured, because when they left all that you had were memories. There was no point in holding on to someone's past mistakes forever either. She had learnt that, it didn't bring anything but bitterness.

What she and Harry had was something special, something that was worth fighting for. He loved her, she loved him, they had both made their own set of mistakes in the past, but it was time to move past it and give themselves a chance to build a happy life together. She deserved that happiness, he did too and most off all both of them wanted it!

"Thanks Luna…" She got up quickly, gave her a quick hug and sprinted off to the floo. She wanted to see Harry, snog him senseless and then say, the clichéd "thousand times yes!"

If she knew Harry, he was either at his apartment, brooding by the fireplace, at bench in some park in muggle London or somewhere in vast open spaces around the Burrow. She decided to head to his apartment first, via her own as, after the Ron debacle, it was the only one connected directly to his.

She had barely stumbled out of the fireplace, when she saw Harry sitting on her couch with some muggle take-away boxes.

"Hey…I was getting worried…" He walked up to her, his glasses slightly smudged and hair even messier than usual.

"I thought you'd be at your place…" She answered stepping closer to him. A mixture of relief and surprise crossed his face as she brushed her fingers against his cheek.

"I…I realized that you might have thought I was angry or I would leave and I promised I never would. I mean even if you said no to marrying me a thousand times I wouldn't unless of course you wanted me to... and then I also figured you hadn't eaten anything. So, I just though I'd bring you food and tell you I am not angry…I am okay…I understand really…"

"Shut up Harry…" She said softly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He looked at her and the adorably flummoxed expression almost made her giggle. She figured he probably thought she had lost it and before she did anything else to make him seriously doubt her sanity, she pressed her lips to his.

She felt him freeze for a fraction of a second, before he pulled her close to him and kissed her back with such desperation that she could almost feel the fear that he must have felt after he proposed. _Merlin, she loved him, this adorable, selfless, wonderful man and she knew with more certainty than ever what she wanted._

She pulled away from him, she had to say it or she would burst. He groaned in protest but she ignored him as she went down on her knees. "Marry me Harry…" she choked out half smiling, half crying.

When she recalled that moment at Ron and Hermione's place a day later, she could swear it all happened in slow motion. He stared at her slack jawed for several moments, before the most wonderful smile, she had ever seen lit his face. He fell down on his knees next to her, cupped her face and said the most beautiful words she'd ever heard, "just tell me when, Gin."

_Author's note- There it is, its over. I know I took forever to update, but I needed some inspiration and I got it from DH. No, not because I thought it was great, but the lack of h/g in the movie pissed me off so much that I simply had to give my H/G some happiness._

_I was very nervous about writing Luna, so please tell me how I did. No flames please, I am in a sensitive mood these days. Healthy criticism, I don't mind at all._

_So, anyway I hope you enjoyed this story. I loved writing it. A lot of moments were very personal, so this story is very close to my heart. I do realize now, that Harry may have seemed a little OOC, when I wrote about his dating others. Come to think of it, if I re-wrote the story, I'd change that part a bit. But on the whole, I think I am happy with 'Finding Us.' I could have written it better, but I'll remember what I learnt and hopefully use it while writing the next h/g I have in mind. BTW, I wrore this story without a beta, but I would like to work with one for my next, please pm me if any of you are interested._

_I might also write one shots related to it or an epilogue sometime later. _

_Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. I would love to hear what you guys thought of the story and for those who haven't reviewed; it's never too late:)_

_Thanks again, will be back once I am done with at least 5 chapters of the next story._


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